CALL ME OUT

[bootyhunter]

CALL ME OUT:

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Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent



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*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama) kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on request



Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc) googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy

Comments

[fuckingguy]

i want an ic argument about ant titties

[bootyhunter]

with who

dandy will be for and rex will be against

utter the word “titties” in simon’s vicinity and he will evaporate

WEEK 3, WCB ALT-VERSE

[himbomb]

[With the appearance of the pool in the space station, Rex can be seen up to his usual ranting and raving madman lunatics, although this time he might aas well be locked up for public indecency. Each and every piece of his super suit is slowly coming off one by one. Sarcastically, he spews more nonsense before preparing to take a skinny ass dip on the space station-]

That's it! I've had just about enough of this stinky soap opera. There's too much murder and not enough incest! Oh, ooh! And there's been no evil twin reveals as of yet. What gives?

[just u wait 4 harumi's trial]

Is this a pool, or is this just a vat full of poison? I don't fucking know! Guess I'll fiiiiind out!

[off go the white boxer briefs, and in rex goes 2 the pool
canonball
splish splash]

[misspitbull]

[in this au i knew the pool was coming, so parker and gwen didn’t burn her bikini.

The gym’s still full of way too many fucked up memories, so the pool is a welcome addition to the space station. Parker figures she’ll swim laps until she can’t anymore, and get all of her energy out that way. And… Parker has a lot of restless energy built up in her. Everything, and everyone, is annoying her—- there’s still the trial weighing on her mind. Not to mention the whole embarrassing attempt at hooking up with Rex thing. Even if he had seemed like he had more to him, for a little bit, back there.

She’s had to convince someone from Team Razzle to badge her in—- someone who isn’t likely to hang around and try and join in on her swim, or try and hang around and chat with her. Normally, Parker delights in company. But right now she’s just not in the mood.

Parker hears Rex almost immediately. It’s not enough to scare her off. If she’d seen him right away, maybe, but she doesn’t. She still strides forward in her stupid white bikini with the red tiger on one of the boobs, because Parker Rochford is so extra about being cheer captain that she owns a custom bikini with her high school mascot on it. This isn’t even a made up thing, this is a canon fact, and we should all judge her for it.

It’s not until she gets closer that it dawns on her what’s going on. The water blurs some of it, thankfully, but Parker decides pretty quickly not to give him the satisfaction of freaking out. She rolls her eyes to a point on the ceiling instead of staring at him and tries to keep her cool.]

I shouldn’t be surprised.

[himbomb]

[He'd be a little more nervous if she had the audacity to look, but thankfully, miss teen queen something something Midwestern State is too proper. Also, she doesn't want that on her conscience. He pops up from the water not unlike some antagonistic sea creature, shaking his head to and fro before swimming to the side of the pool and resting over the edge with those frighteningly large arms of his. Rex peers upwards at her, raising an eyebrow as he inquires-]

Is that a tiger on your tit?

[Look at him... Not showing a drop of remorse for his Crimes Against Humanity (*and robot, orc, and monsterkind)]

[misspitbull]

No.

It’s a lion.

[It’s stylized in a high school mascot kind of way—- easy mistake. She pops a hand on her hip, keeping her gaze fixed above her.]

Aren’t you missing something?

[His swimsuit. Or his shame. Either or.]

[himbomb]

What, you mean-

[Shame?]

My clothes? No!

[He cocks his head in the direction of the messy pile of clothes that he's just made. Oof, that's more water splashing around... A few droplets may get close to Parker's well-manicured toes.]

They're right over there.

[The smile that creeps upon his features is a mirthy one. Parker has done nothing to earn his wrath, but hey, Rex does love making other people uncomfortable.]

Why? You planning on stealin' em? Tsk, tsk, tsk.

[Rex shakes his head in an exaggerated fashion, adopting a mocking tone.]

I thought you were a cheerleader! Not a panty thief.

[misspitbull]

[She doesn’t move, except for the slightest brow furrow. Ugh. He’s missing both.]

Cheerleaders are people, too. We can be a multitude of things.

I’m not here to steal your underwear. I was going to go for a swim, but you seem—-

[Don’t look, Parker, Don’t—- She’s using every bit of self restraint she can.]

[himbomb]

[His shitty grin doesn't waver. There's even an uptick in pitch at the end of the word!]

Naked?

[misspitbull]

I was going to say busy.

[She lowers her gaze. To his face.]

Seriously. You’re not even a little embarrassed?

[says the girl in the bikini. She turns away from him, fluffing her towel out.]

You need one of these? I have an extra for my hair, but you can have it to spare yourself.

[himbomb]

[He's not swimming laps or pleasuring himself in the pool, so no! He is not at all busy. There are kids here, and he may be an animal, but he's mostly a little shit and not the kind of person you'd see on To Catch a Predator.]

Not yet I don't!

[In regards to her towel question, as for the shame...]

And since you're not one of the kids or creepy old boneheads? No! Not really.

[Rex offers Parker a casual shrug, only getting more water everywhere.]

Plus, if you're not peerin' through the water, you won't catch a glimpse of my dingleberries or nothing! So, who cares.

[misspitbull]

[Parker makes a tiny, exasperated huff, and moves to very deliberately leave her other towel by the edge of the pool. Why is she doing this for him? She’s basically a saint in her own mind.]

Yeah, yeah, you’re lucky it’s me. Just stay out of my way. [She slips her legs into the pool, very deliberately not looking at him still.]

[himbomb]

[He is lucky.

Just to see how far he can test her, he cups a hand to the side of his face, yelling at absolutely no one. His green eyes, now filled with a raging, goblin-like sort of quality, grow wide to accompany his theatrics, but that doesn't mean he didn't catch sight of that towel.]

Hey, hey everybody! Miss Queen of the Cornfield wants to hog all the chlorinated bathwater!

[This is indeed a pool, not a bath, but it's feeding into his bit-]

Y'know, it's funny. There's a bunch of people who'd pay hella money to drink mine. Well, my bathwater, that is.

[And his blood. Well, not drink per se... But Rex knows very well that the price on his head was high, even though he had only been a minor.

Perhaps that made it higher still. There are not many mercenaries, no matter how dastardly or wicked, who would greenlight killing a child. That is in part a reason that he is still alive.]

What's got you so grumpy? Is it all the murder?

[Which, despite his tone, would be understandable.]

Or is it somethin' else?

[misspitbull]

Oh my god. Who are you yelling for? We’re the only ones here.

[She doesn’t let that scare her off, though. If someone walks in now, she won’t be the one who looks stupid. She’s properly dressed for this situation. She slips her hair back into a ponytail, then slides the rest of the way into the pool, even plunging underneath the water briefly— her eyes closed tightly. When she resurfaces, she considers ignoring his question.]

Mostly the murder thing. And the kidnapping thing. And the fact that every time I try to go near the gym, I see —-

You know.

[himbomb]

["Why Are You Yelling" should be the title of his memoir.

...Oh.

She's swimming. Or well, floating.

Rex doesn't put words to it, but he feels victorious, in a way. If she's distracting herself in the presence of someone else, even if that someone may be the world's worst superhero, she isn't suffering. Not actively. Therefore, by proxy, he is doing something good, and by even further of a stretch...

That means that in a way, he is doing his job.]

Yeah.

[Rex has never possessed the gift of gab.]

I know.

I wanted to do something before all of that, but, I-

[I'm tired.

He is always tired.

So there's no excuse.]

Do you ever get any sleep?

[misspitbull]

Some. [It’s honest, at least.

That wasn’t new, either. The last year has been full of restless nights, no matter how hard she tried for her beauty sleep. She’d dreamed of George, or Anna—- of fireworks. Of Henry’s face, his hand pressing into her back. Then she’d dreamed of Katie, begging her to do something. What were a few more nightmares to add to the bunch?

She’s actually grateful for her roommate assignments. He doesn’t say anything when she wakes up shouting the names of dead girls.

But she doesn’t say any of that to Rex. She leaves it as it is.]

What about you?

[himbomb]

I'm not too comfortable knockin' out really, no.

[When he does manage to fall asleep, it's Gwen's worst nightmare. That's two snoring louts in her room, although one of them is actually likable, and that one isn't Rex.]

Sometimes I'll exercise a lot? And try really hard to get all hot and sweaty, but, aah...

Even in this limp-dick-boy, fleshy meat-prison, it's... Hard.

[He means a body without superpowers.]

I'm just used to more... Shit, I guess. Just as dangerous! Probably worse. Actually? Very much so.

But there's a lot less sitting and waiting.

[misspitbull]

Shocker, superheroes don’t sleep well. [She says it dryly, but… Well. She’s calling him what he claims to be.]

I get it, though. Sometimes it helps; to just move until you can’t think anymore.

[Parker’s very specifically ignoring his limp dick comment. She swims backwards a little, careful to keep more than enough distance between them, and turns her gaze to the ceiling.]

There’s a library, now, at least. I was going to lose my mind if I had to re-read Othello for the fourteenth time. Might as well make use of all of the time sitting and waiting.

[himbomb]

There's a reason for that, but... I'll spare you the details.

They're, um, gross.

[Should he tell her? That the iconic halls he walks on the daily were rife with the blood of the heroes that came before him. Their shoes are too damn big to fill, but what he will take is the higher pay cut, absolutely.]

Yeah, I get what you mean.

[He has been running for so long.

Running, leaping, doing back flips... She is a cheerleader and he is a superhero, but their gymnastics-based training makes them similar in that regard.]

You like that one?

Isn't that the one that's highkey racist? Oh! With the one woman-lady.

[Woman-lady.]

Doo-doo-momma-girl.

[DESDEMONA????]

Or was it Des-de-mommy?

[CLOSER???? BUT NO DICE]

[misspitbull]

[She’s morbidly curious, and wonders what kind of gross, but doesn’t ask. Parker has the feeling she doesn’t actually want to know, so she shrugs it off.

She also has the feeling that he really does know—- what it’s like to push yourself so far, trying to outrun the expectations placed upon you- both by yourself and others. So she doesn’t argue, and just focuses on the Shakespeare.]

Desdemona.

[She corrects him, emphasizing the name. Parker stans a dead Queen.]

It’s a little more complicated than that—- [She stops herself from plunging into an analysis on it, just barely.] —- that’s the one. It’s not my favorite, it’s just what the clown dropped on me last week.

I do like Shakespeare. That stuffs old as hell, but it’s still relevant.

[himbomb]

But...

[Here, Rex waggles his eyebrows comically, hoping the joke will give her respite from her thoughts. Parker has better taste than this, certainly, but they've all collectively fallen upon hard times.]

Des-de-mommy... Die?

[like "does the mommy"

idk why i'm explaining this it's just us]

I didn't think you'd be that into theater. Well, if Racism-Shmacism isn't your favorite of the bunch, which one is? Also, you'll have to explain it to me.

I don't read shit.

[misspitbull]

Yes. Desdemona dies. [Shes playing this completely straight. Like he’s actually asking her.]

What, is it that shocking that I’m actually smart? [She doesn’t give him time to answer.] It was something George and I appreciated together. He always covered that kind of stuff for the school newspaper.

The Tempest. Romance, comedy, magic, adventure, and a play within a play. [Parker loves a good romance. Especially one where no one dies.]

And a happy ending.

[himbomb]

So you're a romantic.

[Unsurprising. She strikes him as the tightly-wound, harsh type who is a sucker for a good love story. Her boyfriend died in a tragic accident, so she is searching for something hopeful to cling onto, even if it isn't real.

He is similar, in a way. Or was.

Most of those lovey-tales just hurt him now.]

Aaaah, no? But theater kids tend to be a lot geekier lookin' than you, at least most of the time! Although...

They are just as attention-seeking.

[misspitbull]

Is it attention-seeking if I don’t have to seek it? People just love me. I can’t help it. [It’s another half truth. People do flock to Parker— she radiates an energy that pulls others into orbit around her. Some of it’s from trying way too hard. Some of it’s natural. And not even Parker knows the difference, anymore.]

Enough about my embarrassing nerd parts. What about you? What do you like? [since he doesn’t read there’s gotta be something…]

[himbomb]

[He'd protest if he actually disliked her, but she's a pretty white girl, and god do people love those, himself included.

Something about his face changes when she asks him that question. He has to take a moment to back himself up against the wall and lean onto it with both arms. How long has it been since someone asked Rex about his personal interests and not the limits of his abilities? Kate had been quick to mess around when he lied about himself and Eve breaking up, but it hadn't been anything deeper than a round of spiteful sexy-times.]

Uh, booze, babes, and bombs? The three B's?

[A surface level answer.]

Sorry. I mean... Fuck. Not like that, not the violent bits!

[Not all the violent bits.]

Moreso just the, ah, fireworks. The smell? Sans burning flesh!

[Rex sheepishly rubs at the back of his neck. This is a tough topic for her, so he switches gears.]

Also, gymnastics.