CALL ME OUT

[bootyhunter]

CALL ME OUT:

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Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent



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*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama) kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on request



Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc) googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy

Comments

[fuckingguy]

i want an ic argument about ant titties

[bootyhunter]

with who

dandy will be for and rex will be against

utter the word “titties” in simon’s vicinity and he will evaporate

WEEK 3, WCB ALT-VERSE

[himbomb]

[With the appearance of the pool in the space station, Rex can be seen up to his usual ranting and raving madman lunatics, although this time he might aas well be locked up for public indecency. Each and every piece of his super suit is slowly coming off one by one. Sarcastically, he spews more nonsense before preparing to take a skinny ass dip on the space station-]

That's it! I've had just about enough of this stinky soap opera. There's too much murder and not enough incest! Oh, ooh! And there's been no evil twin reveals as of yet. What gives?

[just u wait 4 harumi's trial]

Is this a pool, or is this just a vat full of poison? I don't fucking know! Guess I'll fiiiiind out!

[off go the white boxer briefs, and in rex goes 2 the pool
canonball
splish splash]

[misspitbull]

[in this au i knew the pool was coming, so parker and gwen didn’t burn her bikini.

The gym’s still full of way too many fucked up memories, so the pool is a welcome addition to the space station. Parker figures she’ll swim laps until she can’t anymore, and get all of her energy out that way. And… Parker has a lot of restless energy built up in her. Everything, and everyone, is annoying her—- there’s still the trial weighing on her mind. Not to mention the whole embarrassing attempt at hooking up with Rex thing. Even if he had seemed like he had more to him, for a little bit, back there.

She’s had to convince someone from Team Razzle to badge her in—- someone who isn’t likely to hang around and try and join in on her swim, or try and hang around and chat with her. Normally, Parker delights in company. But right now she’s just not in the mood.

Parker hears Rex almost immediately. It’s not enough to scare her off. If she’d seen him right away, maybe, but she doesn’t. She still strides forward in her stupid white bikini with the red tiger on one of the boobs, because Parker Rochford is so extra about being cheer captain that she owns a custom bikini with her high school mascot on it. This isn’t even a made up thing, this is a canon fact, and we should all judge her for it.

It’s not until she gets closer that it dawns on her what’s going on. The water blurs some of it, thankfully, but Parker decides pretty quickly not to give him the satisfaction of freaking out. She rolls her eyes to a point on the ceiling instead of staring at him and tries to keep her cool.]

I shouldn’t be surprised.

UNKNOWN SEAS ADJASCENT?

[bootyhunter]

Hey! Feathers.

[Dandy calls out gruffly in the direction of the caped quackader. Crusader? Oh boy, that did not work.]

How much for one of your eggs, hah? I'm hungry.

[And nobody likes Dandy when he's hungry, although to be fair, it could be said that nearly nobody likes Dandy in general.]

You plannin' on popping some of those out any time soon?

i hate this

[calldw]

[ Bumbling as he is, Darkwing Duck has put up with many a thing no reasonable duck nor beakless flightless "huuuueemen" would ever deal with. No obstacle is too big for him, even being on a murder cruise ship.

…Except for this one, which has left him completely speechless for perhaps the first time in his monologue-loving life.

Darkwing stares up from his cruise ship buffet plate with the most "kill me now" expression he can possibly muster. ]

Alright, you Pompadoured Pinhead! Let’s get one thing straight here:

I don’t lay eggs! I’m a crime fighter!

[ This is the eighth time someone has asked him about his eggs on this cruise. ]

pt 2 of aforementioned thread to prevent excessive page stretching

[himbomb]

[She may not be a killer, but she certainly has the same smile as one.

He cocks his head to the side, eyeing her curiously.]

Well.

Are you feelin' any better?

[misspitbull]

[She finishes climbing out of the pool, and turns to face him fully, a thoughtful expression on her face.]

Do I feel better? [She echoes his question. Uh, no, not really—- people are still dead and she’s on this whacky spaceship.

But she will. She takes several steps back, then runs forward, and leaps back into the pool.]

80 YEARS LATER......

[bountyhead]

( continuation from here! )

What, die? D-I-E?

[ is he serious right now? did she really spell it out for him… ]

Give up the schtick, Dandy. I ain’t falling for it.

[ she says his name like it’s not really his actual name because why should she believe anything he says? he's playing dumb. obviously. ]

Seems a little fishy that you would choose somewhere you weren't even sure was still around. You could've picked any place at all.

[ nevermind the fact that he briefly mentions his failed memory—she doesn't even register that part. she wants to patronize, really sell her disappointment because her next move calls for a bit of bluff. so she takes a step forward and then another. each step purportedly measured, a casual sort of stride. her arm lowers as the distance closes in, the gun remaining aimed somewhere at his abdomen. ]

You seemed like such a sweet guy too. I was so sure that you and I would have a really good time together.

[ her voice is notably softer for that moment. all just apart of the ruse. eventually she's close enough that the muzzle of her gun presses nicely beneath dandy's chin, cold metal against bare skin. her free hand coasts suddenly along his side, groping around for a weapon, down, down until she reaches the pockets of his jacket. ]

But no, you had to be a creep just like the rest of them. And for that? I need reimbursement for my precious time wasted.

[bootyhunter]

[If he wasn't sweating bullets before, he certainly is now. This would be far from the first sticky situation that Dandy's ever gotten himself into, and of course, since he thought that this was a real date, he doesn't possess a single weapon on his person at the moment. Which means that all that fall out of his pockets are a measly 30 woolongs and 5 redeemable vouchers for, you guessed it-]

Uuuuuuh...

[He contorts his empty head after she moves the gun, glancing down at those precious slips of titty-paper. Yes, he seems to care a lot more about those than the actual money.]

Does this just mean you'd rather go to Boobies? 'Cause those coupons are surefire proof that place exists. They might as well be tickets to heaven! Heaven on... Huh, why am I gettin' the urge to say, "Earth," when we're lightyears away from that place...

[And, when Faye's hands are finally done moving, the last object to fall out of his pocket is an old photocard of a scantily clad Agnes Lum. At that, he lets out a high-pitched scream.]

Ah! T-that's not mine! I dunno how that got there. It probably got sucked in that time we put the Aloha Oe through another black hole.

[Dandy blinks once or twice. Whatever she's doing, it's working- But not in her favor. These tactics might be those of intimidation, but all he's feeling is tit-ilation-]

Hold on, hold on! Did you say I'm costin' ya dough right now? The only kinda gig that has cute girls up at this hour is-

[cries he's going to die here-]

Oh. Oh, no wonder you're used to entertainin' creepazoids. But hey! I don't judge. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

the next morning (afternoon??)

[bountyhead]

[ "an ashtray that got thrown up on in a bar...."

his voice fades with her consciousness. she won't even remember falling asleep.

what she might remember is the weird dream that follows. it starts off great: she's at the casino, she's playing slots, she's winning. and then she hits jackpot! lights start to flash and the generic celebratory music plays. she's grinning ear-to-ear as someone approaches her with a huge briefcase. oh man oh man oh man. how many woolongs could that be?? she's so excited (and she just can't hide it). her heart races as they set it down, unlatch the case, and open it up...

...

there's no money.

she rubs her eyes and looks again. there's no money. instead, the briefcase is full of multi-colored glass ashtrays. ashtrays. that's it.

furious, she grabs the briefcase and throws it down.

CRASH!!!!

her body jerks. ]

You... bastards... !

[ she's balling her fist into his shirt, angrily mumbling something incoherent for a second or two. her grip eventually eases as she starts to calm down, wake up, not yet aware of the fact that this wasn't a pillow but a whole ass man she's been drooling on the whole time. she tries to blink away the gunk from her eyes, peeling the wet side of her face from his shirt. it's all really super duper attractive. ]

Mmn, where am I?

1/?

[bootyhunter]

[While Faye awakens in an unglamorous fashion, the pyonium-containing space cadet continues to slumber, if not entirely comfortably. His poof of hair has deflated into a style that could be described as half-up, half-down for Dandy... Yikes.

When the pistol-packing pretty girl moves her body away from him, he drowsily reaches over to one of the wet patches on his shirt, scratching like a primate and belting out some lyrics to the tune of the perennial classic, "It's Raining Men-"]

It's rainin' butts! Hallelujah, it's rainin' butts, ohhhh yeah~♪!

Jiggle Jiggle.

[Okay, that last part was definitely an ad-lib. His nose wrinkles as he finally opens his all-too-crusty eyes, looking down at the mess of drool and lipstick on his red Henley.]

HAH?! For the love of all that's round and squishay-

[Does any of the dialogue you type ever give YOU a migraine-]

Is the ceiling leakin' or did Meow throw up in the plants again? QT? MEOW?!

[He yells loudly, turning over to catch sight of-]

[bootyhunter]

[Dandy should be dressed to the nines, and in all fairness, he is the sort of man who shaves, showers, and generally makes sure he cleans up nicely before a date... Even if he always shows up in the same outfit, unless instructed otherwise. Today, he's apparently landed two victories: the crew of the Aloha Oe managed to nab their alien of the week, and he's managed some alone time with the elusive Faye Valentine, the only woman in recent memory who's been on the ship (*without turning into a giant, man-eating titty monster)...

And slept over.

This nightclub, located on a planet with a title that loosely translates to "I Love Rock n' Roll" in the native language, is infested with a hoard of leather-clad, flashy musician types. Tonight, Dandy is no exception, donning a messier variation of his usual pompadour, the curl at the front looser in nature, a few curly ends sprawling over his forehead. His eyes are coated in an excess of black face paint and glitter, an essential disguise for catching his recent target unaware. In fact, it was so recent that Dandy didn't even have a chance to freshen up before he got here. His attempt to wash off the inky mask in the restroom failed spectacularly, only making the color ruddier and more smudged.

Dandy has downed more than a few drinks, sent over by god knows who, in nervous anticipation of her arrival. He swirls his current one before taking a swig and slapping a passerby with his freehand, then pointing to a wall at the side of the bar.]

Hey, you! Guy-o boy.

Is that wall actually made of sparkles, or have I just got a buttload of glitter in my eye?

[It's the first! Constructed from sparkly tile.

The random clubgoer simply shoots Dandy a dirty look before shrugging him off. Dandy wobbles and turns away, sighing loudly.]

Geez. Tough crowd.

[He leans against the back of a barstool, watching sweaty bodies move amidst pulsating music and flashing lights.]

...Shit. Why was I here again? Oh, yeah! A date, hot date. 'Cept I had one too many shots of vodka, and, uh- [cue a loud belch] also kind of look like an oil spill. Hmmm.

Maybe she likes 'em greasy. Yeah! Maybe she loves herself a good ol' slippery slide.

[on2 that dick? don't ask me what he is referring to, i don't know]

Or maybe she just ain't comin'.

[bountyhead]

[ in a parallel universe, faye would probably be bailing on the date, let's be real. but this time is different! she's putting the effort in to look the part, to 'dress to the nines' in some aspects.

her dress is nothing elegant or flashy. something a little more simple but sexy. amazingly enough, it manages to cover more than her usual outfit would—only difference is that it could be undone with just one little tug of a string. how flirty! she pins her hair up with a few loose strands framing her face, ditches the headband, and sports a darker red lip to match her dress. in place of the jacket she spewed on during their last encounter, she dons a cheap faux-leather jacket that she bought in tijuana last year. it’s all on purpose; she’s done the research and is trying for that 'musician's girlfriend' look, though it might be giving off more groupie vibes...

faye is hardly ever on time but she’s close by... ten minutes? welp. she's not in any rush when she enters the establishment anyway, greeted by the thrumming music and sea of dancing bodies. she lingers on the outskirts of the crowd at first before pushing her way through, deciding two seconds in that this was not how she was planning to find dandy. in fact, a drink sounds really good about now...

ahead of her is the bar. she eases her way in between writhing bodies to reach it, but just as she's escaping the movement of the crowd, someone's foot catches the heel of her shoe and she stumbles a little, saving herself from an embarrassing fall. heated, she whips her head around and yells WATCH IT! but her voice is deafened by the heavy bass of the song currently playing.

faye brushes herself off with a look of annoyance, not yet realizing that she's happened upon her date until her eyes trail over and she sees that messy pompadour, the messy makeup, the bare chest peaking out of black leather. she almost doesn't recognize him. ]

... Dandy??

[himbomb]

[Since they've happened upon this wretched place, this dome in a superficially constructed wilderness, Rex has not gotten a lick of sleep. Perhaps compared to many of the others, he is well-equipped to survive this bloodbath of a killer's game, but something about being a kind of pawn, a thing being watched, is making it hard for him to focus on what's important- Getting the hell out of here.

The truth is, he doesn't want to hurt people. Not anymore, not if they're just prisoners too.

A campfire crackles in front of him, embers from it lighting up bits and pieces of the night sky. His shoes are off, as is the top half of his super suit, and he reaches those burly arms of his behind his head to stretch, hoping that the gesture will relieve some of his muscle pain... If only temporarily.

The big toe on Rex's right foot makes contact with the flame, and he tips his cleft chin downwards to observe. He doesn't experience any pain, and his green eyes narrow as he watches the skin on the appendage, which doesn't change color.]

Shit.

[He removes his foot from what was supposed to be harm's way, wiggling it to and fro.]

I guess that still works.

[thatsplato]

[In 1996, The Hunger Games wasn’t out yet. If it had been, Misty probably would have found it interesting, and the idea to have some potential to be thrilling—- but not nearly conniving enough. Katniss would have been too naive and goodie-goodie for her taste. She had, however, read Lord of the Flies, and enough greek tragedies to know— when you find yourself in dire situations like this, you needed to band together and make alliances.

Misty’s never been good at that.

She’s never been good at friends. But she doesn’t let that bother her. Instead, she tried to make herself indispensable and useful, so people would be forced to tolerate, and maybe even appreciate her. Being the equipment manager for the Yellowjackets. Mastering first aid. Knowing how to survive, where other girls her age did not.

So when she’d found herself in this terrible, unthinkable situation (Battle Royale wouldn’t be released until 1999, and wasn’t translated to English for much longer) she did not dwell. She jumped into action. And Misty had attached herself to the person that seemed most likely to be able to both hold his own and tolerate her. Then, she’d tried to make herself valuable—- it wasn’t working well.

That’s because someone had to have superpowers, rendering most of her first aid know how completely useless. So for the most part, she’s just been following him around and giving him big doe eyes from across the fire, occasionally offering something vaguely helpful.

It’s infuriating to her. But you wouldn’t know it, because Misty does not allow herself to waste her energy on rage. She instead lays in wait, to prove herself.

So when he stretches, and comes into contact with the fire, she sees her moment. She jumps up from across the fire, scuttling over to his side, and—-]

Oh. Right. [The whole superpower thing. She almost sounds disappointed.]

for ryoko, nsfw

[himbomb]

Hey! Ryoko, so.

Riddle-me-this bullshit.

[He leans a still absurdly buff arm on the edge of a shitty Jamba juice table, somewhere in suburban Indiana. It's strange to be in a world where half of Chicago isn't constantly blowing up all the time. Somehow, that's even more uncanny than the medieval, European-esque village he's been frequenting for quite sometime now.]

These medieval guys haven't invented antibiotics yet, but they have got all this cool healing magic stuff. So, so! Theoretically? If ya catch some kinda bug from screwin' around and your dick gets infected? You can just go up to one of them religious types and be like, "Father! Faaaaather! Help me, help me, puhhhhh-lease! My doinkety-doink's about to fall off!"

And they'll roll their sleeves up and fix it for ya.

[Which must mean... Consequently... That Libra has seen a lot of dicks.]

Wild.

unfortunately, i love him

[nmc0204]

[ Jambda juice hell isn't Ryoko's first choice hangout spot for when she drops by to see Parker and the others, but the fact that their coming here ruins Simon's day ranks it considerably higher above most of their other options. She's picking her way through some sort of nuclear blue fruit and yoghurt concoction that she ordered primarily to cause Simon physical pain, and it's hard to tell if the look of distaste on her face is down to the dickscussion at hand or, you know, the taste of this offensively blue yoghurt. Probably both.

Dryly: ] You're the only person on this or any Earth whose mind would jump to that. ... Actually, I'm hoping it's just that your mind jumped to that and you haven't seen any firsthand examples.

for keats, i don't remember gintama, consider this wildly ooc doujin

[kaihentai]

[This bar is nice.

He can't quite remember how he got here, but in all fairness, that isn't out of the ordinary for this particular con-man of a merchant. He rouses himself from a hunched position in a dimly lit bar, nearly knocking a half-full glass of alcohol as he rises. With a face that's fully red in every visible cheek, he turns to the man nearest to him, focusing his glazey-eyed gaze on Keats' beard.]

Ahhhh~! What a cute little worm, ahaha...

[The word he is looking for is "caterpillar."

With little to no warning, and certainly no concern for personal space, he begins to rub the back of his hand on that beard, moving up and down in a gentle rhythm.]

Furry, so furry! How sweet. Is it almost time? Haha, you know!

For you to spread your wings and fly! To become-

[He leans over, peering over his dark sunglasses... oh god his nose is probably touching keats' ear now]

A butterfly.

[headlining]

Oh, piss off.

[Says the bearded man currently being harassed - his own cheeks are tinged pink, but he's doing an impeccable job at keeping his composure as he raises a hand to swat the other man away. His eyebrows are furrowed, eyes hidden behind glasses as he glares at the other man.]

Seriously, Sakamoto, cut it out. You're drunk.

[He also has a glass of alcohol in front of him, but its not even half empty. Looks like he's the sipping type.]

post wcb r3, platonic pillow talk

[misspitbull]

[Parker Rochford has always been codependent as hell. She’s embraced it, rather than trying to fight it, and Ruby’s been a good choice for a partner when it came to that. It meant she never had to worry about being lonely—- Ruby’s affections would have been overbearing to most, but Parker loved her stupid and clingy girlfriend. But every now and then, Ruby would have some stupidly dangerous mission to go on, leaving Parker alone for a few nights.

She’d invited Rex over with some vague excuse about wanting to show him a new movie and sweetened the deal with beauty products and the promise of modern food and technology. It was only after he arrived that she dropped the fact that Ruby was gone—- but Parker played it cool. She was fine, totally chill (you know, a word that people use to describe Parker Rochford all the time) and their day had actually gone pretty well. Then she’d gotten Rex all set up in one of her way too nice guest rooms, and the two had separated for the night. Or. At least. They did for like, an hour, before Parker barged into the guest room where Rex was staying.]

Scoot over. [A beat, then, because it’s Rex—]

Do you have pants on? Put pants on, then scoot over.

[himbomb]

What?! No!

[No, he is not wearing pants, but he does have the decency to be lounging around in a fresh pair of white boxer briefs. One of the first things he does when he touches down in this place (and totally takes advantage of Parker's Rich Bitch credit cards) is purchase modern underwear.]

They're all the way over...

[Where did he throw them... He is not tidy when Libra isn't around-]

Ugh! Whaaaaat-ever. It's whatever! We're, like, gay now! It's fine.

[rex???]

What the fuck is going on today?

SPOILERS FOR INVINCIBLE ISSUE 70; cw: blasphemy, suicide

[himbomb]

[What a bizarre sensation.

To hurt so damn much, to experience the most pain he had ever felt in his entire life, but only for a split second, and then... Peace.

But that's all over now.]

Agh! Oof. Fuck!

[Rex sits upright, his body surprisingly in one piece, and unceremoniously bonks his head against the back of a wooden church pew. He is covered in ash from head to toe, which serves as the only remains of his supersuit (and undergarments) that survived the incident. In her attempt to transport Rex to Libra's world safely, it appears that Elizabeth had to make a very clothes close call.]

Ugggggh! Who'da thunk that the Pearly Gates would be on some fuckin' Vatican bullshit?! What about all that modesty garbo!

Oh! Iiiiii see. I get it! So it's okay for the rest of us to be poor? Meanwhile, Jesus' bitch-boy flunky Peter gets to point his goddamn pinky finger at a buncha souls for all of eternity in some nice-ass, old school church with stained glass windows?! I'm not gonna stand for this! In fact, I refuse to stand-...!!!

[He sputters, after rubbing the back of his head and in fact... Standing up.

Rex is doing his best to preserve what's left of his dignity with both of his hands, but unfortunately, he just looks like a lunatic. It's a good thing it's later in the evening and most of the churchgoers have probably gone home.]

Shit, shit, shit. It's Judgement Day, and I've got my dick out. God, whatthefuck. Okay, okay, maybe if I swing my cajones around and in the right direction? This Peter motherfucker'll let me off the hook! GAH! No, I'm pretty sure that's how I'll get sent to the other place...

Maybe the fact that I exploded my own skeleton to protect the others from evil Invinci-dolt is gonna win me some spiritual brownie points? Shit! I dunno!

Damn, I really didn't think this through all the way...

1/2

[notthatdarkmage]

[ Today, Libra has just finished another service about...some hours ago, so luckily the church is indeed more or less cleared out. But, he is the one who works pretty damn hard, therefore staying alone in a place like this for such a long while isn't necessarily out of the ordinary for a devout and devoted priest such as he.

...But neither does he anticipate seeing who he does now. One hand is held, clasped around his mouth, green irises wide at the sight. When Libra speaks next, his tone is soft, scarcely uttered in a whisper: ]

Rex?

[ Maybe there is a small tremor in his voice too, but his surprise catches up to him as he takes in Rex's appearance properly. ]

[bootyhunter]

[Dandy wakes all of a sudden during the night, his temple throbbing wildly, supposedly from the strength of the drinks he and Jonathan had shared hours earlier. He bores a bleary-eyed hole into the wall, frozen in place, missing home. Ah yes, his beloved Aloha Oe, a ship covered in a cheerful coat of yellow paint and with pin-ups plastered everywhere and tall, round ceilings.

The pompadour-touting pinhead silently touches his forehead to rub at that festering spot, which only worsens his anguish. There they go again, the flashing images of paths unfinished, tormenting to no end.

His other hand busies itself with the unfurled sheets of the bed, and he glances idly at the sleeping, weepy Victorian. It is only now, in this pathetic hour of darkness and misery, does Dandy realize that it's been over a decade since he's slept in the same bed as somebody else. excluding the undian alien that does not count

Or at least, that's the last instance of it that he remembers, anyways. Today was absolute shit, one of the shittiest by far despite the many Dandy has lived, but at the very least, he had been able to do good in his own way.

To help one person- And that's enough.]

WHOEVER SAID LOVE COULD BE LUCKY AT ALL, BABY? (hagakure body evidence)

[bootyhunter]

[Dandy arrives in the trial room, his pompadour at half-mast, looking pretty disheveled overall. His face is surly and that foul of mouth of his twisted into a thin line, and his own slinky frame is covered in pink blood from the neck downwards. It's all over his shoes, pants, and shirt in messy streaks. There are handprints on his slacks on account of... Him wiping his hands off on them?! Disgusting. For any particularly observant characters, it will be obvious that Dandy's signature necklace is no longer on his person, and stacked alongside the alien hunter's non-functional communicator bracelet are Hagakure's prayer beads.]

Alright.

[He steps up the podium with his Dandy game face on.]

I'm not really down to beat around the bush today, baby, so... Here goes.

He had five big-time boo-boos, the bonehead!

[is he really serious is he serious right now?! he is butt i also am writing space dandy. just one time i would like to play a character who speaks normally!!! anyway]

Two stab wounds on either side of the chest, and three in the stomach. Whoever went for it really freakin' went for it. Seems like when they were goin' all stabby-stabby, they weren't really tryin' to get a clean hit, just a lot of 'em. They also left him there to bleed out all over the floor. Classless piece of shit! At least put him outta his misery fast enough? Fuck! Anyway.

When I looked at his face, I...

I saw somethin' kinda freaky. Same kinda deal was all over his hands, too.

[He neglects to note how wretched he felt. All the sentimental and emotional beats- This is not the time or place, and there is also another body, whom he wishes to be respectful towards. Dandy is not one to grieve or weep openly, as he's been around for long enough that tears, especially of the non crocodilian variety... Are hard to come by.

He certainly cried today.

But at least for now, Dandy has managed to wipe his face dry.]

I'm no doctor or nothin', but I spend most of my time back home on a crusty old spaceship that's gettin' up there in age. Which means I've seen my fair share of blow-ups and gas leaks- This looked like kinda similar. Almost like he'd been hit by shrapnel, but there was nothin' lodged in any of those places.

Weird!

[Dandy then runs his dirty hands through already tousled hair.]

Oh, and uh... One more thing.

[Dandy wrinkles his nose at this. It's clear this fact in particular bothers him a lot.]

His hands had that purple stuff on 'em, from the... Eh.

Plasmids? Power-ups, those things. Before I could get him to stop actin' like an idiot, he stabbed himself with one of 'em, so I know he's been messin' around with those abilities all week. He picked the one that gave ya ESP.

And, uh... Finally, Or what-the-hell ever?

His hair looked like it just been on fire. Trust me! I would know- Turns out hair gel is pretty dang flammable, baby.

UNKNOWN SEAS ;; NSFW PROBABLY

[bootyhunter]

[gumby ass unknown sea sexytime goob threads go here idk]

deadland, week 6

[sixthnonsense]

[Though it's probably only been a few hours of wandering around the ship, it feels like a whole day has already gone by. Hagakure had watched Dandy try to work his magic on Rita for a little bit, but it ended up bothering him more than he'd hoped it would so he kind of fucked off with a McDonald's meal to snack on back in their room.

Dandy will find him sprawled out on the bottom bunk and popping fries into his mouth while he pages through a magazine.]

unknown seas;; ok this one is actually nsfw

[bootyhunter]

[For someone who's denied any and all attraction towards masculine-identifying beings of any sort, Dandy sure isn't doing a good job of proving himself a reliable source of information...

In fact, he's having a jolly old time rustling a certain Super High School Level Fortune Teller's jimmies. Dandy had his fun playing with whatever he could feel through the fabric of the other's rolled up pants, and although the alcohol has definitely slowed him down, he's finally managed to untie that frustrating knot and slip his fingers beneath the band of... Are those bikini briefs?]

You sure are stringin' them ceremonial string beans up tight, my guy. Are you sure that this isn't why your head's all kooky?

[Dandy is using his other hand to roughly tilt Hagakure's head so that he can start toying with the skin of that long neck, baby. After two or three open-mouthed kisses, each one increasing the tongue to teeth ratio exponentially, he picks a spot to bite and suck on momentarily.

Unfortunately, those terrifyingly long Gumby fingers travel downwards and clumsily grab a hold of the younger man's shirt.]

Hey, do you want keep this on or take it off? 'S cool either way.

Mine's comin' off though.

Let's get [hiccup] freaky....

[sixthnonsense]

[Hagakure had absolutely signed up for this. Better yet, he initiated this. But there's truly nothing that could have prepared him for his first, er...encounter. Seriously, Dandy's fumbling with his belt makes it very hard for him to crouch over him like this. Every brush against his junk sends a jolt up his spine, threatening to force a noise out of him. He almost considers asking through gritted teeth if it's being done on purpose... Fortunately, he doesn't have to.

He breathes out a shaky laugh.]

Dude, that thing's loose as hell. I'm pretty sure you made it tighter on your own.

[Which, unsurprisingly, isn't the only thing that's tight around here. Blame it on the alcohol, pent-up hormones or both, but he's finding out that he's a little more eager than he thought he was as he feels those bikini briefs grow increasingly uncomfortable.

And that's before Dandy even goes for his neck. Hagakure gasps and holds onto the other man's shoulder for support while he goes to town. With each kiss, Dandy will be able to hear Hagakure's breathing become heavier...and release a startled moan the moment his teeth sink in.]

H-Hah...! Ow!!

[It feels good, though...but, oh. That's gonna leave a mark. Huh. He's never had a hickey before. Just minutes ago, he had experienced his first kiss, so needless to say he's experiencing all kinds of things for the first time tonight.

Dandy doesn't even give him any time to catch his breath and think about this, though. That's for the best, really. His mind is far too foggy to have any serious thought going on in it right now. His arms are wobbly, but he manages to stay upright as Dandy tugs on his shirt.]

I mean... 'm fine with it off, but- [He lets out a light giggle, swaying as he does so.] I dunno if ya can get it off.

[Dandy struggled so much the tie for his pants, how on earth is he going to pull his shirt off over all this hair?]

UNKNOWN SEAS | ENDGAME; POST THINKER INTERACTION

[bootyhunter]

[Wherever they are, wherever they happen to be sleeping, whether it be an encampment amidst the group or in a bed containing just the two of them, Dandy and Hagakure are far enough away from the others to discuss a particularly sensitive matter.]

Look. I'm gonna cough this up because I love you, alright?

And I really want this thing we've got goin' on between us to work out.

[Dandy's shoulders heave up and down.]

John and I slept together sometime after the first murder.

Not the way you n' me sleep together, it was more like... The two of us just passed out in his bed that one time.

My suite was down two kids, and I needed to apologize for slappin' him silly. I was so scared that the Mayor was gonna make an example of 'im when he wouldn't shut up, and I overdid it.

He wasn't listening to me, and she killed Hodaka right in front of us.

He's a fucking kid.

I didn't want her to use Jon as some kinda wicked example. I was scared shitless that she was gonna kill him, too.

[Dandy shakes his head, looking a little forlorn.]

Anyway, one thing led to another and he told me that he had feelings for me, but the guy's got a wife, for cryin' out loud! I care about him real deeply, I do, I won't lie to you, but he's just a friend.

He doesn't make me see stars the way you do.

[sixthnonsense]

[Hagakure was in the middle of drifting into unconsciousness, but he rouses himself back awake when Dandy suddenly speaks up.

Turns out it's something very important.]

Mmnh? [He blinks a few times, forcing himself to focus.] Okay. I'm listenin'.

[What Dandy ends up explaining is...well, at this point in time, not a surprise. The precise details are, but Hagakure has had growing suspicions for a while. He remembers Dandy mentioning another person that he'd turned down after their first night together, and after Jonathan arrived on the boat, he's kind of connected the dots. Today in particular, he had a feeling he knew.

He just wasn't sure how to approach the topic, or if he even should. For better or worse, Dandy beats him to it.

Once Dandy finishes his explanation, Hagakure regards him with a comforting smile.]

Hey. [He uses a hand to tip Dandy's gaze toward him.] It's okay, y'know. I'm not mad or anything. I'd be a real asshole and a hypocrite if I was, 'cause...when Amigo-bi died, I went to your room to check in on you, but also for a similar reason. I didn't wanna deal with goin' home to an empty room in my suite, or wakin' up to not have a breakfast buddy.

[But, back to the topic at hand.]

I'm glad you were there for him that night, 'cause I saw how badly he took it all too. Me, I'm...unfortunately used to it all, y'know? Doesn't make it any easier of course, but there's a certain sorta awful feeling after that first trial. You do whatcha gotta do to keep moving forward.

And hey, I can't blame Jonny for stickin' his neck out there to letcha know his feelings. I'm glad there's more than just me who truly understands how amazing you are. [His expression turns a bit awkward.] I just...dunno how to tread around him now, I guess? I had a strong feeling it was him before you confirmed it, but I didn't know what to say. It's...weird. I feel weird, bein' here with you while he got turned down.

I know, it's dumb. But I've never been in this position before!

THIS IS THE END, BABY! | UNKNOWN SEAS | CW: VIOLENCE, TORTURE

[bootyhunter]

[For the most part, Dandy has said his goodbyes, eager to let bygones be bygones and be transported back to his ideal existence. As for his friends and the people he loved most, which to be fair, were few and far-between... They will know how and where to find him. Like Cipher said, Dandy's incredibly unique and extremely obvious pyonium signature makes him easy to track.

He will not think on this place too much, especially since the person he cared for most has decided to try his hand at alien hunting, but...

It will be in the rare, still moments of quiet, when the galactic void that is his shared consciousness purges the "excess..." That Dandy will struggle to remember the name and face of the specter that jabbed a sword into his chest multiple times. Unfortunately, the bits and pieces of the torture will not be fresh, but they will be scattered about all up in that foggy head, popping into his psychological purview when it's least convenient.]

Bye, bye, unsexy torture-boat!

[Was it a boat, exactly... Man, even that detail isn't quite right.
At present, Dandy is currently flipping off what appears to be the entire ocean.]

The next time I die, I want it to be with a ballgag in my mouth and a booty in my beautiful face. With some fireworks and some groovy tunes playin' in the background, for good measure!

That's right! I'm gonna go out with a bang after bangin' somebody.

Now that sounds like the Dandy way to get diggity-dogged out.

[Dandy turns his attention to focus on his more social and less solitary (surprisingly) other half.]

Oh, hey babe! You ready to go?

[His eyes flit to the furry creature that appears to be accompanying the other man. Oof, that's another mouth to feed... Hopefully it's got a diet that's easy to find and fairly inexpensive.]

What the hell is that thing?

It kinda looks like Salad Kitty.

[He means Leafeon.]

Only, y'know! Covered in pubes.

[sixthnonsense]

[It's been a wonderful night full of celebration, filled with relief that their horrible experience is finally over and excited hope for what's to come in their respective futures. Unbreakable bonds have been forged over these last two months, and Hagakure's made sure he'll be able to hold onto them for as long as he possibly can. That's why he's been all over the beach tonight, reaching out to his friends and establishing methods of contact. He's sure that it's never going to truly be "farewell"- merely a "catch ya later" once things have gone back to relative normal back home.

Speaking of "home"...the moment he steps off this beach, Hagakure's going to have a new one with his first and forever love. It's something that he's been daydreaming about for weeks, and now that the party is dying down and people are leaving, finally- finally the moment has arrived.

...so why does he look so reluctant?

He's clutching onto his new fluffy companion as he approaches, absently stroking the Eevee's soft fur. It's soothing, especially since Eevee also seems to be enjoying it.]

Oh, this is Eevee. He can evolve into Leafeon, actually- or a bunch of others. Eevees are pretty versatile like that.

[He's speaking flatly, and not at all like himself. He doesn't even have anything to say about Dandy's mean little jab at Eevee's appearance.

Something's definitely wrong.]

Ada-my man gave him to me as a gift. I hope it's cool to bring him on board.

nsfw

[bootyhunter]

[Steam rises from the running water that gushes from the sink, soaking into a clean towel that Dandy managed to fish out from the bottom cabinet of Suite 4's bathroom. Gently, he applies the rest of it to the mess he's made on Hagakure's cheek, doing his best to play it cool while his "heart" pitter patters from their closeness in proximity. Considering that bodily fluids were so recently exchanged, he has no right to feel this... Giddy.]

I always thought it was weird that they call it, "mooning," y'know.

That whole thing where kids pull their pants down and flash their butts at people? As a prank!

[Their reflections peek back out at them from the bathroom mirror, Dandy's hair down and soft, if a little tousled. The fluorescent lighting within the space may highlight a few minor details that weren't visible in the dim, alcohol-addled haze of Dandy's bedroom, such as body hair in various places, but the harsh brightness does nothing to deter his gaze from Hagakure's face and neck, which Dandy is so affectionately spectating.]

In some stratospheres, seein' that could get ya sent straight to the slammer. I know! Crazy right?! The little runts should be more careful.

Anyways, I think I figured it out.

Why they chose that word.

[If one were to peer into this quiet interaction at this very point in time, using only that mirror image as a reference, it would be easy to mistake the two of them for a real couple, and not some sad, lonely saps who had somehow come together following a horrific tragedy.]

Do you ever trim, uh, down there?

[Dandy wolf-whistles and toys with the hem of... It's not a panty, but I'm going to call it that because panty is a funny word.]

No, huh?

I think I kinda dig it, if we're bein' honest. I guess it's weird of me, but even on women...

I've always preferred a little bush.

[sixthnonsense]

[Hagakure's eyes scrunch closed as Dandy cleans his face, wearing a goofy smile all the while. It really was quite the feeling to see himself in the mirror after the two of them, hands held, crept through the dark living space of suite 4 to the bathroom where they are now. He should probably feel more dirty for wearing another man's fluids, but he doesn't. If anything, he's glad he indulged Dandy's desire, because being taken care of like this is really nice.

Even if Dandy is talking about flashing butts to fill the silence.

With a laugh, he cracks an eye open to meet Dandy's gaze...for as long as he can without getting distracted, at any rate. There really is a lot more to see in this lighting. A clearer glimpse of Dandy's dismantled pompadour makes him feel a certain way, for instance.]

Yeah? Whaddya think it is, then?

[But before he can get the long-awaited answer to Dandy's little monologue, the attention shifts to what Hagakure has going on under his...listen, they may as well be panties. Look at them. Given how little they cover up, the happy trail of hair extending toward his navel is hard to miss.]

Ah...nah. [Despite the fact that this is the second time tonight that Dandy has played with Hagakure's underwear, the novelty hasn't worn off yet and so his breath catches a little when it happens.] I never really got into the whole manscaping thing?

[Given how scruffy he is in general, none of this likely to be a surprise. He could do with a little trimming here and there, but at least it doesn't appear to be a turn-off for Dandy.]

I guess I haven't thought about...grooming in general all that much.

[It's a little embarrassing to admit in hindsight.]

[bootyhunter]

[He is quite sure now, as they lie together with warm skin tinged pink from the hot water, how this had ended before. How they came to be so many eons ago.

There is a reason that this particular love feels like a first, in part because it resembles the first. Dandy, at another life in another point in time, only a little while after he had first learned what the land felt like between his toes and how light from the sky had felt on his face, had shared something sweet, quiet, and intimate... With a version of this man.

And then it hurt.

Remembering things is getting old.

Dandy misses the times when he could forget.]

Hey.

Hey, knucklehead. Bozo the clown-guy.

[Dandy practically croons. Despite the verbiage, his tone is joking and affectionate, if a little raspy, as the croak in his throat can be attributed to his own exhaustion. He's clad in nothing but his signature boxer briefs, which leave little to the imagination, and his hair is soft, fluffy even, and just barely dry from their recent soak in the tub. It curls loosely around the lean edges of his face, that is, until those ungodly sideburns bristle and poke upwards.]

Mind if I crash here tonight?

[He paws at Hagakure's chest, gloating in the irony of the statement. This is "his" room and technically "his" bed, which makes this conjecture hilarious for some reason.]

I'd wink atcha for the full Dandy deal-sweetener, but I think I might just end up blinkin' and wake up on the other side of tomorrow.

This was fun.

[sixthnonsense]

I have a name, ya know.

[Hagakure jokes back as he gently runs a hand through that fluffy hair. His own locs have poofed back to their usual shape now that they’re drying out, but they’ll likely be a little squished in the morning with how he’s lying flat on his back. He’s hardly concerned about that though, considering how massively the pros outweigh the cons.

That said, the resulting question makes his eyes brighten in the dim light provided by the underwater cityscape just beyond the window. It was dark out there just a few weeks ago, but with every passing trial—every death—it has become more alive. Likewise, Hagakure has not felt more alive in quite some time.]

It’s probably not much of a pillow, but it’s all yours. No winks required.

[Falling asleep with Dandy lying on him sounds like the perfect end to this perfect night.]

It really was. I’m glad it worked out as well as it did.

[He’s glad he came—in more ways than one. But on a less vulgar note, he really is glad that he decided to take the plunge and bear his heart like he never has before, because now he’s more certain than ever about his feelings for the man beside him.

He lets out a content but tired sigh, basking in the cool air against his warm skin. He should take it in while he can, because he’s about to have an equally warm body against him in a moment. Of course, he’ll be grateful for that warmth once he cools off.]

Thanks for makin’ it so memorable.

late but here for the explodey boy

[re_verbed]

Name: Project ReScencsion v. 1.1 | Champion Freerunner
Age: 17? | Species: Enhanced Human | Occupation: Fugitive
Likes: Heights, running, sweets, stars
Dislikes: Schedules, needles, running, sterility
Traits: Tenacious, cunning, awkward, fickle
Trivia: She prefers to go by Echo.

[First week at the Atlas Academy had- not actually been the worst? The utterly sterile, chromey environment had done nothing but put Echo on edge, but the food was fresh and readily available, and the living accommodations were frankly luxurious compared to what she knew, and she'd almost started to relax.]

[And then, well. The challenge and incentives hadn't been pleasant.]

[The resulting trial even less so. Bart Allen's death had been brutal, and the discovery that the killer- that Penny Polendina had no memory or control over her actions in his death had probably been worth. The arguing, the shouting, the attempted rioting- it had all still ended with a correct majority vote, and a swift execution that didn't feel nearly swift enough.]

[So Echo was correcting her earlier mistake, thinking that maybe she could afford to be around people here. It had been fun, but time to return to her customary isolation before hurting someone else would mean something. That was totally a thing she could do.]

[But the school is pretty cramped, all things considered.]

[So she's currently found her way up into the beams and supports of the gym ceiling, huddled up into a high corner and hoping no one who needs a workout decides to look up.]

phas let me know if you need me to change anything

[himbomb]

[Rex, accustomed to having a bit more of a say in dire straights, hadn't stomached the execution or murder particularly well. It's incredibly unsettling, after so many years of feeling above most normal people, to be whittled down to someone so insignificant.

Safe to say, he too is seeking a quiet, secluded place to be alone, and upon climbing to it-]

Aaah... Whoops?

[Hadn't considered to check if it was occupied.]

I didn't think there would be anyone up here.

[misspitbull]

[The night of Parker Rochford’s Junior prom, her life changed.

She’s pretty sure it should have ended that night. That’s what happens, normally, when the oversized metal playground your friends are goofing around on explodes, and you rush into the flames without thinking. By some absurd stroke of luck, though, Rex Splode had interfered, dragging her out of there, making some vulgar quip about her appearance. It wasn’t that which made her struggle against him so severely that she somehow managed to knock his helmet off, but rather, the fact that Anna and George were still inside. That in itself was another absurd stroke of luck, because it let her note that he was kind of hot, and apparently? That thing wasn’t supposed to come off. Once he explained that they were both already out, Parker chilled out—- and the next few months were a blur.

Parker Rochford rose to a state more powerful and obnoxiously perfect than she ever thought she could rise. Harry Tudor was expelled, she broke things off with George and cut Anna out of her life. Without a series of murders to focus on, or horrible burns to recover from, she channeled all of her energy into her singular goal and passion. She was Miss America’s Outstanding Teen.

It was with her newfound fame and passion for life, that Parker found a new monkeybrained scheme to occupy her time; rewarding the guy who saved her life. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do that, until she picked up a gossip rag and found out that her hero had a pretty shit reputation. And Parker’s had never been better. How she went about tracking him down and proposing the entire scheme and getting him to go along with it were all extremely dramatic and lucky stretches that we don’t need to get into—- but probably had something to do with her annoying persistence and obscene amounts of money. And probably a lot to do with the dress she chose to wear when she made the entire proposal.

It hasn’t gone as planned. They’re a few weeks into her entire Miss America(‘s Outstanding Teen) and the Hero fake dating plot, and the whole hero thing keeps getting in the way of her publicity attempts. It’s not helping that he’s clearly sleeping with his teammate. Or that she… might be catching feelings.

But Parker’s never one to let her feelings get in the way of something. Or one to back down from a challenge. Which means, hours after their last stood up date, she’s banging on his door.]

You better have been saving the world or some cute panda bears when you stood me up, or rescuing an entire school bus of orphans, and not screwing a bunch of twins——

[himbomb]

[His "reputation" really shouldn't have mattered, and for a period of about three to four years, it didn't. He was a nobody thrust into an infinite arena of terrifying challengers, a peon compared to the likes of War Woman and the Immortal...

And now, he still remains that peon, that cog in an infernal machine of government lackeys, only War Woman and the Immortal are dead, and so are all of their famous friends.]

Aaaaand sometimes?

[He makes a note to pitch his voice as abrasively as possible. Clearly, he isn't fond of his arrangement. This cheerleading terrorist is nice to look at, certainly, but her skin and bones are fragile, and her attitude is nightmarishly intense.

She lacks Eve's cool girl charm, but then again, so does everybody.]

It's triplets!

[He answers the "door" to his "place," which isn't his primary state of residence by any means. Guardian Headquarters is in the Himalayas, intentionally unreachable to any human with a normal lung capacity.

Rex is in Chicago for some security detail work, because for all his boisterous blowhard behavior, he's the only one of the new Guardians who has any experience going undercover.]

It's not standin' up if it's not a real date, c'mon! This is PR shit. Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston garbo! That guy's gay, I'm callin' it!

He's just got some old, almost-dead relative who can't know he likes being porked more than pulling it.

cw: violence, nsfw, boners, just cursed content

[himbomb]

[Rex wipes sweat off the back of his neck as he attempts to skulk back to his room following an ungraceful exit from a questionable midnight threeway. He clings desperately to the towel around his waist, but unfortunately encounters a fairly large, non-living obstacle on the way back to his makeshift murderschool dormitory.]

Uh oh.

[Blood isn't a sight that's all that unfamiliar to him. In fact, the smell is what tips the young Guardian off first.]

Isn't all of that dying shit supposed to be happening tomorrow? Fuck! Oh, fuck! If anybody spots me standin' over this dickhead, at least, I think it's somebody with a dick... 'Cause, damn! I'm pretty sure he's got one of those dead guy hard-ons...

[*Priapism! It's a real thing. Anyway, Johnny Bravo is dead.]

Shiiiiiet! It's the himbo with the honeycomb hair!

[sixthnonsense]

[While Rex is loudly contemplating whether the deceased has a boner or not, around the corner comes another of the men with unusual hair. Though he should have been back in his room a long time ago, Hagakure unwisely spent some quality time in the arcade with a steady supply of snacks to keep him going. Unfortunately, exhaustion caught up with him anyway.

Any hope of sneaking back to his room to crash is immediately snuffed out when he spots Rex standing there. Funny enough, he doesn't see the body at first...]

Huh? Splodude? What're-- waugh!!

[He takes a step and immediately slips on...oh gods. Oh gods that's blood and he just fell on it. Not only is there blood, there's...!

Anyway don't mind Hagakure, he's just going to fucking scream in horror?? He's seen plenty of bodies but he's never stumbled into one before. Literally stumbled into one.]

H-H-Holy shit!

EPILOGUE;; UNKNOWN SEAS

[bootyhunter]

[It's been a harrowing journey, to say the least.

One probably wouldn't be able to tell, not with the the way Dandy is grinning from ear to ear. In all fairness, his head's a little foggy from their recent attempt to warp back into Dandy's native dimension from the Fortune Teller's... And with the guy's mother in tow, nonetheless.

The perky waitress excitedly saunters up to Dandy, uttering something or other about how she and the others have been wondering where he'd gone off to. Dandy mentions something about a wormhole before wrapping a noodle-y arm around the newest addition to the Aloha Oe crew.

He then exclaims the following:]

All that jiggles-

[Isn't it "all that glitters-"]

Is definitely gold, baby!

[is this really something to say 2 ur bf/malewife butt um ok]

They say there's no real center of the universe, but if ya ask me? It's gotta be BooBies! Nobody can resist the nearly gravitational pull of a pretty pair of poofeh puppies.

HOLIDAY CMO || FLEABAG

[feminitwit]

[pls help me do research on british christmas traditions sos]