CALL ME OUT

[bootyhunter]

CALL ME OUT:

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Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent



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*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama) kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on request



Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc) googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy

Comments

[himbomb]

[She withdraws first, so he finally follows suit, leaning back against whatever's supporting all two-hundred-and-fifteen pounds of him. His phone buzzes and he picks it up immediately, mostly in a desperate attempt to pull himself out of the emotional funk that's not-so-slowly setting in.

It's a naughty text from Kate. Is that a nipple? Fuck.

He feels nothing.

Parker, too, is saying the kind of words he'd once thought he'd like to hear. It's a thank you, the kind of acknowledgement that should remind him of why he wanted to do this in the first place.

Still, Rex feels nothing.]

You're not gonna blast anything that happens tonight all over the internet, are ya?

[misspitbull]

And destroy my own reputation? No way. The internet would tear me apart.

[She rolls her eyes once more, collapsing backwards against the seat.]

Miss America isn’t the most scandal-friendly organization. You’d probably get clout for it, as long as I kept your identity secret. Me? I’d lose my crown, get kicked out of school… Have the entire internet call me a slut and a cape chaser…

Can I be honest? [let’s be real she’s going to keep going even if he says no—- and she’s going without waiting for a reply.]

I’m not even trying to sleep with you, right now. Like, it seems like maybe that’s what you’re into? So—- Whatever. I just… know what it’s like to be alone. And I thought…

Oh my god. This is so stupid.

[himbomb]

Cape chaser? Ohmygawd. That's so dumb! I don't even-

[She continues discussing the very realistic and all-too-terrible flack women get for existing compared to their very scandalous male counterparts on social media and life in general...

And here Rex is, picking up the top half of his supersuit and gesturing to the back.]

See, look! No cape! That'd be a terrible costume addition for a guy who mostly flippy-flops everywhere, doesn't fly, and blows a whole buncha shit up!

[Parker continues to elaborate. Wait, sex wasn't on the agenda here? He's confused.]

Aaah.

You might as well go ahead and say it.

[misspitbull]

You saved my life. You changed everything for me. I could be Miss Outstanding Burn Victim, or whatever. And… I barely know you. I haven’t done shit, except make it seem like you could date Miss America’s Outstanding Teen.

I hate it. I don’t want to owe anyone anything. I want my greatness on my own.

I thought… if I could force you to care about me, I could even things out. But that’s stupid. I can’t make you do anything.

[himbomb]

[His mouth hangs open in surprise, and although he almost launches into the fact that he was the one Cecil had specifically assigned to this gig, partly because it would avoid squandering precious resources.

But he resists, for now.]

I it you've never owed money to a bookie?

Or, you did, so that's why now you don't-

[It's a pitiful attempt at a joke.]

Nevermind.

Look, to get to the top, everybody needs a little help. Before he went batshit crazy, even Omni-Man had a wife and a kid! Doin' it all by yourself is impossible, pretty much.

Also? It really sucks.

[misspitbull]

… No. My dad’s kind of loaded with cash. Spoiled rich girl, remember?

[She says it bitterly, resisting the urge to gnaw on her cheek. She hates that, too—- like acknowledging her privilege will somehow invalidate the hustle she’s poured into every second of her life. But she does it anyway.]

Is he really a great example? I feel like he’s a bad example. … And what sucks?

[himbomb]

[Omni-Man? Oh, absolutely.]

Doin' it all on your own.

Some of us didn't have a choice for a while.

A long while.

[misspitbull]

Oh. That. [She’s catching onto what he’s throwing down. And she gives a little shrug.]

Are you… still doing it on your own?

[himbomb]

Oh hell no.

[Surprisingly, Rex's dialogue is frightfully candid.]

That's why I work with a team now!

You can't slack off that hard when you're by yourself. Look, if I'm on a squad, I can get drunk and stack milk cartons in a boozy haze while the others cover for my dumb ass!

Also, being part of a crew means that there always has to be a headquarters, which means free room and board, baby!

I'm never goin' solo. They can't make me!