an ass man (butt also, just an ass) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bootyhunter) wrote2022-02-07 12:30 pm
bootyhunter) wrote2022-02-07 12:30 pm
Entry tags:
CALL ME OUT
Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)
bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama)
kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on requestAlso voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc)
googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy
i wish i could say this is the worst tag i have ever written but there are so much worse
[DANDY NO!!!! THAT IS CERTAINLY NOT WHAT SHE MEANT-]
Whoa.
[He looks significantly spooked, but not disgusted, nothing like that.]
Eh! I guess a hot girl is still a hot girl... Even when she's got a baby inside of her. But the real question is, does your butt get any bigger? That's what I wanna know.
[...Of course it is.
As they trudge forward through the darkness, Dandy thinks he can see the yellow paint of the Aloha in the distance. He's trying not to think too hard about the adorable way she burrows into his shoulder like some fluffy animal. Wow, this is definitely more endearing than when Meow does it.]
I don't live with any other people. Mmmm, no human beings, anyway! Just a naggy bucket o' bolts and a smelly ol' furball. So... The ship smells like pussy sometimes? But the kind of pussy that coughs up its own hair and eats way too much canned tuna, blech.
no subject
her eyes snap open, brows furrowing in mild agitation. ]
No! She's not mine. Just some kid that hacked into the ship and managed to weasel her way on.
[ uh, no, you made her a promise that she could be apart of the crew and then tried to bail on her last minute. ]
I'm not really the motherly type.
[ CLEARLY. perhaps past!faye felt differently but kids are not even a blip on present!faye's radar. that's just extra weight dragging her down and she needs to stay as unrestrained as possible. ]
So your roomies are an animal and [ 'bucket of bolts' ] some kind of machine? [ she's just trying to understand him right... ] And they help you hunt for alien species?
no subject
And they're the last sentient lifeforms I ever want callin' me Space Daddy.
[He's lucky that Faye's eyes are all that are snapping open... And that her hands aren't just snapping his neck.]
Yes-sir-ree! Bingo, bango, boing-boing-boing.
[Unfortunately, the onomatopoeia and it circling back to a topic that's seemingly always at the forefront of Dandy's brain has led him to make a familiar... Double-handed grabby gesture. Gross.
Upon approaching the Aloha Oe, Faye might be able to note that the ship is bright in color and therefore a lot less dreary than the Bebop, its doors opening to a well-lit and comfortable common space, complete with a lush, currently thriving house plant. Sure, the teleporters take forever, and there's probably a nudie mag stuck under one of the cushions in the circular seating area, but QT made sure to do a thorough once-over of the place prior to plugging himself into his battery pod for the night. It just so happens that, hilariously, by some miracle of time, Meow and the talking vacuum are not quite awake yet.
Or, well, they weren't.
QT peeks his head out of his room, not moving fully into the light, seeing as he is still partially plugged into his charger.
"Dandy, Dandy! Is that a new rare alien you're carrying on your back? Should we take it to the registration center?"]
Can it, you sentient sucky-sucker! [get it, bc he is a vacuum??? ok] Can't you see I'm on a date?
[Dandy squints at his so-called comrade.]
Ugh! I can see your half-empty battery signal from here! Go back into your room and charge some more before you almost get us all killed! We can't have you short circuiting again.
[The pompadoured pinhead hops into the circle of plushy butt holders, crouching down to the lowest level so that Faye is able to unmount him and collapse against a more comfortable surface. That is, if she so wishes.]
Hey, Faye. It's time to get off this very pretty ride, baby! Chop chop. Or, flop flop. Onto the couch.
Y'know!
no subject
Wow... this is your ship?
[ a question that gets drowned out by dandyβshe doesn't even register who or what was talking to him, too busy scoping the area and getting acquainted with it as best as her tipsy mind could. that's just before he randomly jumps into the circled seating area, which catches her by surprise to the point of an audible eep! and while hitching a ride on dandy's back hasn't been so uncomfortable, faye doesn't delay in sliding off of him and onto the couch. the cushions immediately feel nice against her skin. ]
So soft...
[ she's kind of just talking to herself while petting the fabric. someone clearly needs to go to bed. but then she looks up to see dandy standing there, her once tired eyes now suddenly widening as behind him is the biggest tv screen she's ever seen. ]
Is that... is that your TV?!
i'm sorry for replying so quickly, i am thirsty, pls disregard
Oh, hell to the yeah! Ain't she a beaut?
[It should be noted that some autotuned groaning can be heard as QT slinks back inside his impeccably well-kept living space.
The pyonium-based lifeform's gaze follows the honky tonk woman's, and he wraps a lanky arm over the back of the seat rest.]
Yup! Speakin' of which, I don't think we've watched anything on it for a while. A big ruckus tends to break out when we try pickin' out movies- The three of us can't ever seem to agree on what we wanna watch!
[He says that as if he isn't one of the main contributors to this issue...]
Meow likes his dirty pictures, but I prefer the real thing, baby! Shit! If you try to slap an ass on video, that thing's just gonna be as flat as they thought the Earth was back in the old days.
I'm a sucker for action flicks, 'specially the ones with hot chicks and a whole lotta kung-fu. Hoo-hah!
[insert a very unfortunate set of karate chops here rip]
QT likes the home appliance channel. Like, uh, all of the ones for moms and rich housewives? He tries to act so dang cool about it, but it's obvious that he's got the hots for them girly kitchen bots. You know I caught him tryin' to send a love letter to a snickerdoodle toaster one time? The guy may be made of metal, but you can't say he doesn't believe in L-O-V-E, baby.
[He begins to shrug off that signature bomber jacket of his before holding it out to Faye.]
You look like you're about to give birth to a food baby.
[Meaning: She appears tired enough to send that egg sando of hers crowning from a difficult spot... fuck is that really a better explanation????]
Sorry, I don't think we got any extra blankets, so this is the next best thing. As for a pillow, you could use Meow's furry butt, but I've got a feeling that this morning? It's gonna be rank! Showers are that puss's worst enemy.
NEVER BE SORRY!!!
Your cat likes to watch porn?
[ it's not a question she wants an actual answer to and her tone reflects how weird she finds that, but apparently not weird enough that she cares to outright know? the answer is yes either way. she tilts her attention back to the screen. ]
I'll watch an action flick if it means the hot chick kicks some butt.
[ she sleepily winks at him because she, too, is a hot chick who kicks butt. ha-ha. ]
Then again, I'll watch anything that's interesting enough.... except romance flicks. Those are almost always a snoozefest.
[ something something unrealistic standards.
funnily enough, here's dandy handing over his jacket which could be romantic in the right context??? she drapes it over her shoulders without question. it's big on her but it's also warm and kind of comfy. ]
Gross. The last thing I need is to wake up with a cat's ass in my face. I already have to deal with the dog's stinky bathroom trips. I'll pass.
[ faye wrinkles her nose and closes her eyes, sleep tugging at her more strongly than ever now. she sinks deeper into the couch and eventually finds herself leaning into dandy's side. her head drops to rest on his shoulder. ]
Sorry but I'm feeling really tired all of a sudden...
Can you stay here until I fall asleep?
no subject
Uh-huh. He's also a ramen snob. Couldn't tell ya what's wrong with the instant stuff, but get that geek grindin' his gears about it and he'll start goin' off! Picky rat-chasing cat bastard!*
[He parts his lips to launch into yet another tirade about his feline companion, saved from a paw to the face by the fact that Meow almost always sleeps in, only to be surprised when Faye rests her head on his shoulder. She's drunk and has just had her first fill of food in what can only be described as too damn long, and even a glass half-full bastard** like Dandy knows better than to get his hopes up about it. So why, then, does he feel an odd burst of something light in the pit of his stomach? He's far too old and studly to be catchin' a case of the butterflies (Dandy's words, not mine).]
Sure. Yeah! Okay.
[Drowsily, he tilts his head slightly, nose catching a whiff of a strong odor and a tuft of dark, purplish hair.]
You smell like an ashtray.
[*have we ever seen meow chasing any rats???
**he's a glass half-full kinda guy, but he's also the guy who yells at the bartender about a "weird stain" on the inside of the glass, all the while lying out of his ass so he can get the drink for free]
An ashtray that got thrown up on in a bar...