CALL ME OUT

[bootyhunter]

CALL ME OUT:

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Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent



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*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama) kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on request



Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc) googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy

Comments

i'm sorry she's like this

[bountyhead]

[ there's a painfully long silence that follows dandy's eruption, along with a mild case of secondhand embarrassment she tries very hard to keep down. he could bet his own booty that he was successful but he'd be wrong. to think he did allllll that just for faye to catch "--your lady friend--" anyway. a laugh hitches in the back of her throat and she has to clear it in order to keep it from emerging.

similarily, it serves to help break up any weirdness in the air.

faye's smooth about it. ]

Are you ashamed of me or something, Dandy?

[ smooth? no, no. more like cruel. suddenly, her expression shifts and it reads more like that of a woman who has been ruefully taken advantage of: brows lowering and knitting together, the corners of her lips turning down, an outward pout. very convincing! she steps towards him and reaches out to take his non-injured hand in hers. ]

I thought we were becoming really close. I even stopped you from bleeding to death, didn't I? [ "bleeding to death" ] Doesn't that earn me the right to be your... lady friend?

[ oh, the dramatic flair. has he learned to look past her bullshit yet? he should probably start now. ]

i can delete this if the thread will erupt into chaos as a result

[bootyhunter]

U-uh, no.

[Dandy quirks a suspicious eyebrow upwards, looking her in the eye with more than just a modicum of distrust, although he doesn't let go of her hand or shoo it away. He's too dense to understand that he's playing right into her trap when he cautiously entangles his own fingers in her saucy grip. There's also a chance that the situation is even worse than that, that some part of his many selves or that one fiber of his cosmically ever-present being knows he's being duped, and wants to believe that this will work out anyway.

It's a good thing for Dandy that "working out" has a pretty flexible definition.]

No! It's just... Those guys tend to be weird assholes about stuff like whatever it is that is-

[He blinks three times in tandem before finishing that sentence.]

Happening.

[And then, because he can't seem to ever manage to go a significant amount of time without a certain train of thought rearing its ugly head-]

...Does this mean that butt stuff is still on the table?

1/? the chaos is mild but i will delete if this doesn't work for u!

[bountyhead]

[ record scratch— ]

Butt stuff?

[bountyhead]

Butt stuff?

[bountyhead]

...........

[ is this guy really serious ]

askjf done

[bountyhead]

.... I'm getting my jacket.

[ faye replies, finally, only this time devoid of emotion. listen. she's too hungover for this; she needs a cigarette and a really hot bath. maybe the question was a joke and it just flew right over her head. clearly, she wasn't amused by it, and she's definitely not amused if he was being serious. whatever. she's worn her welcome and now's a better time than any to leave. right? ]

[bootyhunter]

[Serious, no. Curious? Most certainly. He watches her walk out, altogether ignoring the atmosphere, the cosmic gloom that begins to loom somewhere behind him. He ignores it, the dread not even barely registering, and follows in her footsteps.]

...Would you rather we aim for a no-panty party in the front? [WHAT!!!] W-wait! Hold on!

[Whatever it is that Dandy does is supposedly out of free will, but is that really true? When your body is a bizarrely constructed anomaly, seemingly humanoid but entirely devoid of the biological makeup that would render it truly so, and you, or hundreds of thousands of other yous, exist in every possible facet of life there is or can be...

Are the decisions you make yours, or theirs? The knowledge in the back of your head that doesn't register as knowledge, but a reflex, a memory... It's so deeply embedded that has become instinctual.

It would be better to end things here.

He can't grow old with her. Not in the same way.

Or perhaps there is a way- The path just hasn't been molded yet.]

You know that thing's gonna be sopping wet, right?

[bountyhead]

[ faye stalks off in spite of dandy's insistence, hands curling into loose fists at her sides, so annoyed with him but more with herself. she almost whips around to send them into a sudden collision when he starts following her, giving her the excuse to shove him away, to physically reinforce distance between them. don't, she would've told him, but she chooses to keep walking. ]

Big deal. I'll just tie it to my zipcraft and let it dry that way.

[ flippantly, both in manner of tone and in the way she moves, a stark contrast to the way she was acting with him just moments before, like something had flipped a switch in her his dumb mouth AHEM. she finds her way back to the machine and swings the door open, grabbing the first bit of red fabric she sees. he gets to witness her unfurl the wet article of clothing only to realize that it was his shirt, and then aggressively toss it back in. she then pulls out her jacket, sopping wet just like he said, and slams the door shut. ]

Sorry but I've got things I need to do. I can't stay here all day and play nurse.

[ hot → cold in nothing flat. ]

And definitely not in the way you want.

[ *sexually ]

[bootyhunter]

[She has every right to be angry. Faye is a woman in an entirely new location with a total stranger, and sure, she's proven in a variety of ways that she can take care of herself, but something within her doesn't seem to want to, despite each loud insistence of the opposite. She's exhausted and miserable, clearly, and while she travels with a crew, he can spot the obvious hole in her surly armour. It's not just the debt she's in.

There's something they can't provide for her, a necessary part of being alive that they can't-]

Sure.

[Dandy maintains his distance from her post-shove, going so far as to even close his eyes and let out a puff of air. She moves forward and he hangs backwards, a notoriously familiar song and dance when it comes to Dandy's lovelife. His sore fingers clench in the makeshift dressing that she has just wrapped.

The word is on the tip of his tongue.

"Sorry."

He doesn't say it.]

I'll get the door for you on your way out.

[bountyhead]

[ faye doesn't look at him; her dark hair falls juuust right that it obscures her side profile and in turn cuts her peripheral in half. she couldn't glance at him without making it obvious, and she's careful about that, because he's looking at her. she can feel his eyes. sometimes it only takes a look. ]

Yeah. Fine.

[ they're strangers in passing, here and gone like a falling star, destined to burn up before making it into the atmosphere. the familiar song and dance that comes with every fleeting encounter in her life—never allowing anyone to stay long enough to see past the bullshit. part of her fears she's the one to stay too long this time.

has the barrier slipped? ]

You lead the way. I don't remember the way out of here.

[bootyhunter]

[Faye's discomfort is what forces Dandy back into his usual goofy register. He cracks a smile, which somehow is all the more convincing now that she's not giving him the time of day. The warmth of his expression pervades his voice. The overly gelled hairball gasps briefly, holding both hands in the air in jest.]

Oh no!

[This is all said and done prior to Dandy stepping in the direction of the door. He takes his place in front of her, so all that's visible is his own backside. And, yes, the duckbutt of the pompadour. God! He's still in his underwear, isn't he?]

With all the walkin' we're gonna be doing, water's bound to start drippin' all over the place! Then it'll just look like I broke your heart.

[*from the jacket, he means

His stroll, his pace, it's all a little too casual, considering what happened just moments earlier. He tilts his head from side to side while he walks, with a center of gravity that is somehow both crotch and hair-first, although it's clear he's not in a rush to usher Faye out.]

That's okay, baby.

[The joking lilt in Dandy's speech all but comes to a slow halt, tenderness creeping in. He seems to welcome it in slowly with an air of tangible nostalgia, ruminating on a silent thought. When they approach the door, he pops it open, still not turning to look at her.

In fact, the whole time he's been in motion, he hasn't glanced in Faye's direction even once.]

Whenever Beavis and Bot-head get back?

I'll just tell 'em you broke mine.

[bountyhead]

[ oh, faye notices. and there will come a moment when she feels both relieved and dispirited that he's chosen not to look at her. if she's lucky she can walk out with a small wave of her hand and a terse bye, but she's rarely ever lucky.

"i'll just tell 'em that you broke mine." his tenderness almost fools her. she knows it's a joke.

the door pops open and she immediately lowers her gaze to the floor, moving to slip around him. they brush shoulders on her way out. it wasn't the reason for her sudden pause though it might appear that way. she hovers in the doorway for what seems like forever. and then she turns, forcing him to look at her. ]

I know I never thanked you for this morning.

[ the food, the drinks, the company, letting her crash on the couch, and use the washer, and not be a total creep the bar is so low.... ]

So thank you.

[bootyhunter]

[THE BAR REALLY IS IN HELL!!!!

His less than stellar misstep isn't really the kind that can be thrust aside, not in good faith. She'd be right to think of him as a dog, what with his empty head being filled to the brim with pervy fantasies. Each nearly anatomically inaccurate jiggle of the flesh serves a specific purpose, occupying the corners of his mind, each one a pretty distraction from the lonely reality of his meandering existence.

He's forced to look at her when their shoulders make contact. Forced to think that this is goodbye, and perhaps confront the notion that in the vast expanse that is the universe and its many alternate companions, this may always be the end result. Luckily or un-luckily enough for him, Dandy is stupid enough to believe otherwise and still have hope that things have the opportunity to be different one day.

Dandy utters a platitude that she's heard him say more than once in their time together. He tries to smile at her, but his brows are pressed together in a motion that conveys pain. The door that he holds open feels heavy.]

Don't worry about it.

[And so, he leans against the doorway.]

end!

[bountyhead]

[ long after they've parted ways and she's alone, once again, not only in her room but in the company of her comrades, she will think about him. this perverted, strange, bizarrely styled, buoyant but immensely lonely man. she studies his face, notes the pain that pinches his brows together, not even a flicker of that doofy smile. she won't smile either; the word goodbye hangs at the tip of her tongue but is never spoken. maybe it pains her too.

instead, faye will just nod, and then turn and walk away. because there's nothing more to say, and no reason to look back, until she knows she's out of his sight for good. ]