bootyhunter | CALL ME OUT

[Here in the silence between them lies perhaps what is the unspoken foundation of their relationship. Rex doesn't know the exact specifics of Ryoko's childhood, but no normal girl should be able to aim a pistol that well at the tender age of sixteen. Some time has passed and the two of them may be older now, but the festering psychological damage from their respective youths still remains.

He watches her closely as she looks downwards.]

See, that's the crazy part! What you just said! Havin' somebody else's life? Me?!

After all the illegal stunts I've pulled, not even that sounds like a possibility I could believe.

[There's no way he'd ever get close to having a shot at being anyone else.]

It's more that none of it feels real, even? Like, when I woke up after ka-blammin' myself, I thought that Liebs wasn't... Well, actually him.

And that whatever it was that I was seein' was just mostly dead brain-guts still firin' signals or whatever, like "Bzzt-bzzt!"

[And that the priest was a figment of his imagination.

Leading him from one realm to the next.]

But it was all done. I did what I had to.

I was ready to go, it was fine! I had accepted it.

When we went to sleep that night, I was so sure that it'd be lights out for-ever afterwards. But I woke up in the middle of the night and I still had a pulse, and uh, so did he.

[ It makes her feel frustrated, like her guts are in knots, when Rex talks like this. Whenever he admits to knowing just how close he came to being gone for good – how ready he was for that to happen. There's a part of her that wants to snap at him for it but for once, she manages to bite her tongue. It won't help to pick a fight with him right here.

And, well. It's not like she doesn't understand where he's coming from. ]

Is that... bad?

[ Her voice is careful. It feels like she's treading on fresh new ground and she's not entirely sure of what she should be asking. She wants to understand – but even now, after all they've been through as a group, Ryoko's never going to be good when it comes to being tactful and delicate with people's feelings. ]

That it doesn't feel real yet is bad, obviously. Big changes like this are always hard to get used to. But... if you say you'd accepted it, then is it... bad that you woke up with Libra-san instead?

Well...

[He can tell that she's holding back to some degree. The superhero business is a risky one, grizzly and terrifying, and Rex was nowhere near the top of the food chain.

When he had signed on with the Teen Team, he had felt sadness twist at his insides, amidst all the hope. If he wanted to stay out of prison, he would have to trade any desire for a long, peaceful future, and at the time, that had seemed okay.

The thought of getting old wasn't very appealing.]

No? It's just that every time I've been happy, I've totally mucked it up! Fumbled the ball, slipped on the conveniently placed banana peel, pissed right into the gift horse's mouth!

[A beat passes.]

Is that the actual saying? I dunno.

Anyway, it's kind of nuts that Liebs never thought to see other people. I would say "fuck," but he doesn't do that. He only wants to get physical if you're, like, down to put a ring on it and be with him forever.

It's definitely not the actual saying, but I see your point.

[ A mental image she ABSOLUTELY could have gone the rest of her own life without!! ]

I can't believe this is a question I'm about to ask, but... are you? You know... [ She makes a vague gesture with the plastic spoon she's been mulching her yoghurt with. ] All that about a ring and staying with him.

[ A pause. Then: ]

... It's alright if you want to, you know. You're allowed to be happy.

Boning? Or getting hitched?

[He tries to keep up appearances, although this feeble attempt at a “joke” is palpably lackluster.

Rex folds both hands and stares straight into space, clearly harboring a litany of unspoken thoughts, unsure if he should say anymore.]

Honestly?

I never really thought I’d live to see the day. So, I’m not sure what that would look like.

... Me either, if I'm honest.

[ On both counts, she thinks but decides not to say. ]

It's been a long time since there was anything in my future apart from fighting the kaiju. And now it's over... sometimes I think – why am I still here? What else do I have to fight for?

[ She looks up at him properly, her expression level. ]

I still don't know the answer to any of those questions, really. I might, eventually. But for now... I think it's alright for us to make choices based on what will make us happy.

Oh-ho-ho, man! No way.

[He grins at Ryoko over their mediocre drinks, resting that cleft chin of his on an adept fist. By the way he waggles his eyebrows, it's clear he's dipping back into his own brand of sarcasm once more.]

That's too bad, Ryoko!

I've always wanted to see some bridezilla goin' completely apeshit in a giant robot suit! Can you imagine? You could smush the cake with a single robo pinky toe! And you could give that metal nightmare a tiiiiiiny little veil that barely covers anything. It'd be hilarious. Slap a garter on one of those steely gams! It'd be fuckin' choice, bro.

[Rex laughs, feeling a little bit better... also bc he's going to deflect again fml]

So what makes you happy then? If it's not a trip to pound-town or, y'know, the courthouse for the legal bullshit.

[He can think of a few things, but he'd like for Ryoko to name them.

Maybe her likes and dislikes have changed. After all, it's been a long time.]

More along the lines of "simple joys," aaaaand less in the ball park of, y'know, crushing people.

Okay, okay, I kid, I kid! I'll give ya an allowance of listin' just one activity that may or may not involve the breakin' of bones.

Just between us.

Sorry to disappoint [ she says, not sounding sorry in the least ] but I don't think me or my Sentinel are bride material. But if you're willing to hold out for another year or two, I'm sure I could put a word in for you with a few people back home.

[ But he's put the ball in her court, even if he did so with a masterful deflection. And it would be a little hypocritical to not serve it right back. ]

Things that make me happy, then... [ She stirs her drink around a little more, but there's a small smile on her face as she does it. ] Having dinner with everyone on the veranda, when the weather's right. Meeting up with everyone at Parker's house and knowing the only thing we have to worry about is how much trouble we'll end up getting into. Thinking about how different things are now, compared to how they were before I met all of you. ... And not having to take my pills every five minutes. That's a pretty big one.

[ The smile she turns back up towards Rex is a little coy, though no less sincere for it. ]

There. You asked for one, and I gave you three extras for free. The least you can do is give me one or two in return.

Well! I'm glad your head's doin' better.

[He was going to ask about that eventually, although from what he could wager, Ryoko visibly has improved, appearing healthier and less sickly. Rex smiles fondly at the mention of meetups at Parker's house, knowing full well that the past few years for himself have been less than stellar. But is that really true? A lot of awful shit has happened, and yet, Rex doesn't hate himself anymore.

She tosses that question his way and he stares at his right hand whilst drumming the fingers against the table, wondering if he should mention that it's not real. Ryoko would probably find it fitting that after both being shot in the head and losing his right hand, Rex had still found enough strength to punch the leader of the Lizard League with his remaining limb prior to collapsing pathetically. But that had been a while back, and that incident, along with his stint in Jack's stupid little playhouse, had been motivation enough for him to grow from an insufferable dickwad into a true hero.

There was also the fact that Kate technically cheated on him with Abraham Lincoln, but details, details.]

Aaah... I got to screw the priest, for starters?

[Oh boy. As soon as those words flew out of his mouth, he regretted it. And yet, Rex still continues.]

Or, get to screw the priest. His house is in the middle of the woods so we can be as loud as we want! Which is a pretty sweet deal.

Um...

[It's funny, back when he was younger, he would have enjoyed this second shot at life indulgently, regretting nothing.

At present, it still feels as though he's living on borrowed time.]

It's nice bein' out and about in public without a mask on? Haven't been able to do that since I was a runty pube of a thirteen-year-old for, uh, reasons.

Those reasons were war crimes.

Edited 2022-05-27 15:21 (UTC)

So. Being there with Libra-san makes you happy.

[ She's, uh, making the choice to interpret that as charitably as she can because if she has to put more than an iota of thought into the idea of Rex and Libra going at it, she might just give herself a migraine. ]

But... even though you're happy, something about it feels wrong. ... do you feel like you don't deserve to be there?

[ It's a pointed question, even if Ryoko's quiet voice softens it a bit. ]

[Yes, but he knows better than to say it outright.]

I feel like I should be makin' contact with the other Guardians.

Or, eh! What's left of 'em.

[What he does remember is how Monster Girl screamed.

About how they couldn't leave him- But it was alright. He had understood.

If he hadn't acted quickly, they'd still be fucked.]

Get a new suit! Go back to work. But...

I've never had a shot at the simple life, and I am fucking spent.

I've been working since I hit puberty! I killed my first man, like, three years before I had my first kiss, which was still technically adjacent to a very loud, very boom-bangy murder! I haven't even had a day off since I started. Not really!

[Even on the slower days, his pager was always on.

And supervillains love to destroy shit on Christmas, which in Rex's case, is a blessing in disguise. He's always hated that holiday- His memories of it are more like nightmares. It's a relief to be currently living in a world where that day doesn't even exist.]

This my first time living in a real house, for cryin' out loud. The place I grew up in was a dilapidated, roach infested, rat trap that we were squattin' in as a goddamn family! And since then, I've been in and out of facilities.

It is so nice to finally know what it coming home feels like.

[Not that Guardian HQ hadn't been home, for a time.

Still, it had a legacy that didn't have anything to do with Rex, and the original Guardians had been murdered there.]

You must know how that is.

Your world was fucked too, right?

Edited 2022-05-28 19:11 (UTC)

It definitely wasn't in good shape, if nothing else. Things are better now, but... it's taken time to get us to this point.

[ And effort. And siccing Dantes on kaiju. It's fine, he had fun. ]

It was strange for a long time afterwards, though. It's not as though there isn't still work for us to do or that things are easy now, but waking up and knowing that things were relatively peaceful and that I was somewhere safe I could call home...

[ She furrows her brow in thought for a moment, trying to find words to put to the feeling she's trying to get across. ]

Being safe made me feel scared. Does that make sense? It was so new and strange I didn't know if I could trust it. You know?

Oh yeah.

[He remembers the first time he had really felt it- Joy. Something beyond just okay or better than yesterday, so clearly different from anything he had experienced prior. It had taken Rex about thirteen or fourteen years to know true happiness, to feel real bliss about something that wasn't a lie or a relationship that he had fabricated in his mind.

Rex glances sideways, recalling Eve's look of disappointment on that rooftop when she ended their relationship. In the heat of the moment, in front of everyone else, she had been furious. But when it was just the two of them alone, her eyes were tired and full of a sadness that seemed to suggest she should have expected this.

She of all people knew that Rex was unused to it.

Kindness. The ability to trust. It was only a matter of time before he pushed self-destruct on her love for him too.]

I do know.

[For a moment, that trademark Rex Splode bluster leaves his voice.]

I can't say I've beat the feeling just yet.

I try not to think about it.

[ She gives him a slightly lopsided smile. ]

What makes you think I have?

[ Nothing's ever that easy, after all. Especially not when your name is Ryoko Shinonome. ]

It's quieter, these days. Maybe just because I'm so busy, or because it's been so long since anything's gone wrong. Maybe it's because there's so many people around me who'd jump in when things started turning on their head. But just because it's quiet now doesn't mean it's gone away.

Maybe it never will. But if that's the case, I have to figure out a way to live with it.

[He tilts his head to the side, scratching a phantom itch, his firey. fingers digging at the scar beneath his hair. Ryoko is new to this too, navigating new, more comfortable territory with a great deal of unease, but she's always been so composed about it.]

See, I've never really managed to do that?

Not without blowin' up something important! Last time, it was literally me!

And that was I closest I ever got to Nerdvana! Like, personally, on the inside. In the months leadin' up to that battle, I didn't touch a single boob! Not one.

And that's a world record for Rex Splode.

[Rex sighs, the crass language a clear barrier for something else that's on his mind, a fear he can't seem to shake-]

It's just so nice. I mean, I've been around the block and back when it comes to falling in love, that's nothing new.

[Rex is not one to do the emotional baggage dump in front of anyone who hasn't tongue-kissed him at least three times, so this is new territory. But when they were back on that interplanetary prison, she had trusted him with a secret.

So it's finally time for him to do the same.]

But I've never been with anybody who worked so well, before. This feels like a perfect fit, even though from far away it looks bonkers.

There's a part of me that's yellin', "You're gonna muck it up, dumbass! Just like you always do."

Edited 2022-05-31 00:54 (UTC)

[ When he's like this, it's usually easier to just let Rex talk. If you let him get you on a tangent, you'll end up so derailed that it won't hit you that he never answered the question until the conversation's long since over. Ryoko's already learned that the hard way a few times. It's not that she wants to pry, but she knows that if he just lets it sit around in his head, it'll fester and end up poisoning everything – she knows, because... well, she's the same way.

After a moment, she dips her head in a short nod. ]

And when you're thinking that over and over, it's easy to... get to the point where you think it might be easier to just ruin it now rather than waiting any longer. If it's inevitable that you're going to end up disappointing people, you might as well do it now and get it over with. That sort of thing.

[ She nods again and her expression is complicated in a way that makes it clear – she gets it. ]

But– just because it says that doesn't mean you have to listen to it. I know it's easier said than done, but I can't think of a reason we'd turn out backs on you.

[To be seen and understood for his transgressions is still peculiar, having been unused to it. Why, Ryoko has described the very thing that ruined his relationship with Eve, which was Rex himself, unfortunately. However, since is he's aware of it now, he understands that happiness is within reach, in part because he's seen so many friends rise from the dead. Still, that warm feeling, that notion that he will be held instead of thrown into another fire all on his own, it means the world to him-]

[...And yet, on the outside, he folds his needlessly dense arms over his chest before wrinkling his nose.]

Ew.

Never mind, I take it all back. See if I ever try and help you through an emotional crisis ever again.

[ ... he's heard that flat, deadpan tone from her enough times by now that she's obviously kidding. ]

It's not a crisis...! Soooo not a crisis, and I've been in fuckloads of those.

[It is, in fact, the emotional kind. He's ruling out his emotions for the umpteenth time. Classic Rex.]

Ugh, screw it. Enough about me and my dumb ass.

[at least he's admitting it this time-]

What's all this talk about you thinkin' of goin' to medical school? Do you know just how long that shit takes?!

[ AT LEAST HE'S ADMITTING IT... ]

Nothing's decided yet. But I'm getting to a point where I need to make some choices about what I'm going to pursue studying after high school, so I may as well start thinking about it.

[ you'll notice that she doesn't mention where she'll be studying, because she's just accepted that she will be attending whatever college Parker and the other girls go to. why even fight it. ]

There's lots of other things I could do that would be easier, of course. But... I'd like to try and do something I'd like to do. If I can.

CALL ME OUT

cw: suicide mention

suicidal ideation if you squint

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cw: amputation, gunshot mention, nsfw, suicide mention once again god

this tag rly has it all

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cw: suicide

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tags this after 800 years

crunches it like a potato chip