an ass man (butt also, just an ass) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bootyhunter) wrote2022-02-07 12:30 pm
bootyhunter) wrote2022-02-07 12:30 pm
Entry tags:
CALL ME OUT
Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)
bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama)
kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on requestAlso voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc)
googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy
if this tag is a dip in quality its bc i am truly ass(shamed)
[This is why Dandy has yet to achieve Nirvana despite his many attempts... But in a strange way, he enjoys the run-of-the-mill whimsicality that comes with being alive. The downs are there, sure, but the ups make it all worth it.
For Dandy, anyway.]
Sounds like it might be the perfect time to give you a kiss goodnight, baby.
it's not your fault you're playing an embarr(ass)ment
[...but wait, what would they do if they found that perfect body? Sharing would be really weird for both them and the person involved.
The answer is quite simple: neither of them would score. However, Hagakure is going to find himself wondering about this later.
For now, he's immediately pulled toward the mention of a kiss.]
Oh yeah? Been a looooong while since I got a goodnight kiss.
[And if he's being honest, his mom giving him a kiss on the forehead before bed hardly counts.
Mostly.]
...I'd really like that, though. Seriously.
THERE WILL BE KISSING AFTER THIS INFERNAL COMMENT I JUST COULDN'T PUT THEM 2GETHER
[NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
It has been a while.
For me, anyway.
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I- I mean…!
I was just thinkin’ of it like a treasure hunt. I didn’t even think about what we’d do if we found it…
[He doesn’t sound opposed though…………]
adds to seto's cursed content reading list
[Dandy laughs, reaching a hand out to once again rub the stubble on Hagakure's chin idly with the back of his hand.
He's exhausted, there's no doubt about it, and yet he's still stalling.
If he falls asleep, there's a chance that he'll wake up and realize that this whole night was one long dream.
And that's the funny thing about dreams- You often forget them.]
What would you wanna do?
Sure, it's great if you're in the middle n' all, but if you're the boom-boom operator- [if you're not sure what kind of threesome dandy is talking about i can't say that i am either] On the sidelines? It's sort of like just watchin' someone eat a delicious meal without gettin' a chance to steal a bite for yourself.
adds to my own cursed content reading list
[Though his embarrassment remains, Dandy paying some attention to his chin helps to distract him enough into giving this subject some serious thought. He hums in contemplation as his fingers curl ever so slightly out of contentment.]
Well that wouldn't be as fun...
[Suddenly struck by an idea, he perks up a little.]
Hey! If she was in the middle, then we'd both have access to our favorite assets! Win/win!
[Assets, if you will.]
uh oh
You wouldn't be jealous?
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I would be if I had to sit and watch.
[...and not just because he was missing out on the metaphorical meal.]
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Dandy doesn't recall the specifics of it, but isn't that what happened with Catherine and Paul? Hadn't he watched them flirt while he was sitting off to the sidelines, stuffing his face with fries and waiting for the worst to happening, all while never doing anything at all?
God, if this is what post-nut clarity feels like, he doesn't want nything to do with it.]
Of me?
[He shouldn't have asked, so he follows up with another question.]
Or her?
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No, of-
[He briefly cuts himself off.]
Yeah, that one. Of her.
I already told ya... I'm a boob guy 'n' all, but I'd still be pretty dang jealous if a girl with perfect boobs was havin' you all to herself.
[He's not even stopping to think about what he's saying. His true feelings are plain as day, and yet he's pretending like he'd be fine with leaving it all behind as a happy memory.
But Hagakure has never been one to think very hard, and unfortunately he's not starting now.]
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He's done that thing where he's tried to buy himself more time, only to end up backing himself into a corner.]
That's not true, though.
I don't think she would.
You're too distracting.
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Hagakure opens his mouth, but immediately closes it. He's briefly at a loss for words.
On his second attempt:]
You mean... I'd distract you from her?
[He really shouldn't assume it'd be in that order, but he can't help but hope.]
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Dandy has always been the sentimental sort, moved by emotion and the nature of his own feelings more than anything else. He’s pretty open-minded when it comes to women, despite all the disgusting things he says.
Being with a man isn’t so bad, either. At least Dandy doesn’t have to worry about any surprise mouths to feed popping up out of nowhere.]
Yeah.
Isn’t that what I said?
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[Another moment of silence passes, at least from Hagakure's mouth. His erratically beating heart is another matter entirely.]
Well, all the more reason to make sure we're both in on the action! Right?
[This is starting to go far beyond the logistics of a threesome.]
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Which in turn makes Dandy feel irritated.
That's not the poor psychic's fault, though, so he'll slough back down and onto Hagakure's chest.]
Right.
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He's petrified to make a move.]
Did I say something wrong?
[He ultimately goes for a straightforward question, quiet and afraid. He sounds about as small as he feels right now.]
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...No?
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Y-You sound mad, though.
HE IS SO ANNOYING
I just don't sound happy.
[YOU SURE AS(s) HELL DON'T!!!!]
I can sound neutral sometimes, can't I?
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[He doesn't mean to raise his voice, but it happens without him thinking.]
I don't got a problem with you soundin' neutral, it's just...makin' me worried right now.
[But this is a start, at least.]
If you're not happy, then I obviously said something wrong.
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Well, not everything's about you!
[He fires back.
Shit, that's not true. Dandy is talkative, but friendly? It's not the first word that comes to mind regarding his demeanor, not on first glance. Uncouth or rowdy... Both of those words feel more appropriate.]
Sorry... Baby.
I didn't mean it like that.
You've never seen a naked girl in person, right?
[He tries his best to make that question sound less... Pejorative.
It doesn't work.]
I wouldn't wanna get in the way of that.
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I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- [He cuts himself off with a pained noise.] You're right.
[It wasn't his intention to make the conversation so one-sided. He just wanted to try to understand.
He feels so utterly trapped in the seconds that follow. He almost considers asking if leaving would be better for both of them right now, but that thought is momentarily interrupted by an apology on Dandy's end.]
...No, I haven't.
[It feels something akin to salt in the wound, but he tries to tell himself that it probably wasn't intentional.]
But why would you think you'd be getting in the way? I wouldn't even bother if you weren't there to enjoy that with me.
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[Something shifts, although despite the length of this lazy-ass prose, it takes a minute. Sort of like how the harsh summer heat gives way to the colors and cool nature of fall.
Dandy brings a hand back to Hagakure's face, cupping a cheek.
Yes, a face cheek.]
You don't think you could pick up a girl at a bar, if things were just normal?
And, not, uh... Full of death?
I'm guessin' you haven't really been to one lately.
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No, not lately.
[It's been even longer than it feels like, what with his missing memories.]
I never had all that much luck before, but...I guess I'd have a way better shot now, after everything you've taught me.
[Horrifying, but also true. While Dandy is boorish, insensitive and crude, his softer side has really shone through too. The genuine life lessons he's given to Hagakure will certainly go a long way.]
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If you're not quite sure of what to say, there's always the ladies who speak another language!
Then you can just rely on those pretty eyes and killer smile.
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