CALL ME OUT

[bootyhunter]

CALL ME OUT:

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Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent



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*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama) kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on request



Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc) googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy

Comments

[misspitbull]

Sure. So… don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like you cheated on her, then killed her for cheating back.

[she says it like? it’s happened before?]

You both can move on.

[himbomb]

Why would anybody do that?

[Rex raises an eyebrow at her.]

Murder's a lot of trouble, FYI! Like, legally speaking. Nobody who pulled that dumb shit is close to worth the jail time for it!

[misspitbull]

[Parker cracks a smile, despite herself.]

You’d think. But… Well. Don’t worry about it. You’ll just have to like… trust me. It’s not that big a deal. She’ll get over it. You should too.

[himbomb]

Hold on just a fuckin' minute.

[At this, he raises an index finger, growing more dubious by the second.]

You're from normal world, right? No superheroes!

They do send people to jail for killing and shit. Yeah? The only things that would hold up in court to prevent any kind of accountability for that would be self-defense or a reason of insanity plea.

...What's goin' on here? Something is up! UFO up, baby. And I, for one? Am not a fan.

[misspitbull]

Uh, normally, yeah? Except… this guy. Henry. His dad basically owns the town. They managed to chase the Boleyns out, and they were fucking loaded.

[She’s back to digging her perfect fingernails into her own arms again.]

It’s just. More complicated than saying he has to go to jail for it. There’s politics. There’s money. There’s… all the proof we gathered. And seeing what the police end up doing with it. [She says we. But so much of the evidence had come from Anna herself, dead and gone.]

[himbomb]

Ugh.

[Rex's nose curls inwards, his lips twisting into a snarl. The young man has a habit of yelling, but it should be noted that his anger is always at its worst when he speaks in slow, deep breaths, cursing through a wall of gritted teeth.

So, this guy kills two people in cold blood and gets away with it? That's as obvious as it gets! Obvious, but unsurprising. While people like Rex himself, those who come from nothing, aren't even given a bed at hospital when they're sick and dying for anything less than thousands of dollars.]

So he's filthy stinkin' rich.

I take back what I said. People like that can get away with anything! It's the pits! Meanwhile, if you're down on your luck and get caught doin' a break-in, you get locked up! And when ya get out, there's no way in hell you're ever gonna get a job.

[He snorts, disgusted.]

No wonder you're so angry all the time.

[misspitbull]

Uh, yeah. Obviously I’m angry all the time. [Its funny—- before this place, you’d have never caught Parker Rochford saying that. Eve at risk of death herself. To admit that she was pushed to such an emotion feels like losing, and Parker hates losing. But here, it somehow feels like a rebellion to be angry. One that people will understand.

It’s less lonely.

She hates that it took these circumstances to feel less lonely.]

He killed my best friend and my boyfriend, and maimed me, all in one night. And six months later? He killed Katie. And people still say they had it coming. People still think he could never, and if they think he did, they think he was right.

It’s fucking bullshit. [… Sometimes, it feels nice. To just be angry.]

[himbomb]

Okay, okay.

[Now he's actually going to yell.]

WHAT?! I'm sorry, actually, no! No I'm not! I am not sorry about this, because what the actual fuck?

I don't care what gossip or highschool drama got out. Murder?! Straight up murder?! That's unreasonable! That makes no sense! I don't care if everybody likes the guy or he's got a magic dick. I don't care if you'd be able to rub it and have a genie come out! People's lives mean something. No matter how shitty they are!

No wonder you tried to shoot him. I'm glad ya didn't, but mostly because you're too pretty for prison. And, also, did I tell you-

[Rex leans closer, looking panicky-]

That demons are real in my world? Oh yeah! Hell's a real fucking place! Don't put that shit on your eternal soul, girlie.

I'm still tryin' to clear mine.

[misspitbull]

[Now that he’s actually, y’know, covered up his dick, it’s a lot easier for Parker to stare at him. And despite herself, and the topic at hand… she can’t help but crack a smile.

She wraps her own towel around her shoulders, wearing it like a shawl instead of wrapping it around her torso like a normal human would. She’s not worried about covering up her body— not any part of it other than her back. ]

Yeah. Well. I think even God would have trouble blaming me, if I had pulled it off. Fucker has it coming.

… You look so much more human, with that thing off. [You know. The super suit.]

1/2

[himbomb]

[Parker will receive a flash of pearly whites in response, following a split-second where Rex looks down and the water and smiles, much like any kid his age. For a brief moment in time, he looks as she describes: Normal. Like an athlete who's just looked in the mailbox and received a scholarship and the opportunity of a lifetime to study at his dream school, with an an open mind and a bright future ahead of him-]

2/2 SPOILERS FOR INVINCIBLE PAST S1

[himbomb]

[But the mirth settles in as his mouth closes and his grin widens, smug as ever, a shitty band-aid slapped across the festering, infected wound that is Rex's everlasting misery. He was born with it, and while his life will be short and not very sweet, Rex will at least have the opportunity to cast it all away before he becomes nothing but dust.]

Awh! You must've missed the extra pair of eyes on the back of my head! I know, they're probably hidden by manbun and all? But they can shoot laser beams, pew-pew!

[He mimes a gun, Rex's tone a dead-giveaway for his obvious sarcasm.]

What, I don't look human in that thing? Good! Uuuuuuh-maze-ing.

I always knew I was larger than life, anyway.

[What's close to the truth is not that Rex is larger than life, but moreso that he has nine of them. That his bones will heal themselves and his injuries will disappear faster than those of normal people, and that he can walk through fires created by his own explosions unharmed, whereas others would have their skin completely burnt through at such high temperatures.]

Yeah, the collar, goggles, and uh, dome-top tend to make my chin look even bigger. I look like I'm gonna clean up nuclear waste or some shit! But, but, also?

My ass? Looks fan-fuckin'-tastic in it.

[misspitbull]

[She watches his expression change, and there’s a tiny, fucked up part of her that’s relieved by it.

Parker doesn’t look at guys with smiles like that the same way anymore. She can’t. Still—- there’s another part of her that is grateful she caught a glimpse of it. She can’t explain why. Parker Rochford’s mine is conflicted, and full of contradictions. But at least she sounds pretty sure of herself when she nods, and says—-]

Yeah. It does.

[himbomb]

[He can't help but to let out a laugh. Without the spiteful rasp or demeaningly boisterous volume to it, it is a wholly different sound.]

You're actually agreein' with me?

[Rex has had to defend himself from the day he took his first step. In the good ol' US of A, some are born with the kind of privilege that allow them to act in ways they in no way deserve, giving them the option to take things that aren't theirs. He, in some ways, has mimicked this behavior, although in Rex's case there is some poetic irony to it. While he is indeed a man, his parents were from the bottom rung of society and so was he, and his skin is not the color that would allow him to con his way into a sea of suits and white collars.

Whatever. In Rex's own mind, he deserves some of that sweet, sweet validation too. Or, well, maybe he doesn't actually deserve it.

But he wants it all just the same.]

Okay! That's on you, y'know.

Has it been a while? Since ya messed around with anybody other than your dead boyfriend.

[misspitbull]

[She didn’t expect for him to laugh at her. Not like that, at least, not so naturally. Parker’s not used to being the butt of jokes— and she lets out an irritated huff of air, but finally sits by him.]

I couldn’t. [Thats… the truth of it. There had been unfinished business. She still wasn’t over George—- and she doubts she’ll ever be completely over him. But it had been harder, before the truth was out.]

Not while—- not before the truth came out. He deserved that. For everyone to know the truth. If I was with someone else before that, everyone would think—- [She presses her lips together tightly. People talk. Especially high schoolers. And Parker had been the only person, for a very long time, to stand against all of that talk. The only person to protect George and Anna’s reputations.

The realization, now? That that’s all over? It’s immensely relieving.

She just wishes she wasn’t having it while kidnapped in space.]

[himbomb]

Well... Yeah?

[Rex scoots over, not so much that there's too much space between them, but just enough so that room to sit comfortably.]

He was murdered. And that's, like, terrible? What other truth could there be! Ohhh, no! Did some kids think he fake-offed himself to commit, I dunno, tax evasion? People are super messed up, I swear.

[He may scoff a little, but it's clear that he feels bad for her. He's had himself discussed on Reddit forums by loser incels with sticky, Mountain-Dew stained fingers. The kind of spineless bastards who wouldn't ever have the gall to do what he does, even if they had been equipped with Rex's abilities.]

So... I take it you were in love with the guy?

[misspitbull]

Mostly they just blamed his sister. But they always thought he… had it coming. Or did something to deserve it.

[She knows that part was fucked. Teenagers don’t know how to deal with shit like death yet, and it came out in the foulest ways. It was exhausting, holding herself together through all that, being George’s constant defender…

The next question gets her caught off guard. Normally, that question wasnt asked of her sincerely. She takes a little bit of time—- then nods.]

Yeah. George and I were… we’d been together since middle school. We were going to go to the same college. Get married. Have kids. Get really old together.

[himbomb]

You still can, in a way?

[His voice grows quiet. There is a silent intensity that accompanies the softness.]

I know it's not the same, but if you keep his memory alive, he'll be there.

I don't know healthy it is for you right now, though. It kinda looks like it's tearing you apart.

It sounds like you've gotta let him go so he can still stay close.

[misspitbull]

[He’s right, and she knows it. Even so, she shakes her head softly.]

The truths out now. I did my part. The Boleyn name is safe now.

[Its still so fresh. She’d just been celebrating with the other survivors of Henry’s warpath through high school—- and then she woke up here.]

I did it. And it’s like… I don’t know. I have to learn how to live and do shit for myself again.

[himbomb]

Boelyn... Boelyn...

[Why... WHY is that name ringing a certain kind of bell that sounds... Ringy-]

Where have I heard that name before? Well, you're a rich person. Who knows other rich people!

Is his family... Are theeeeeey...?

[Don't say it-]

Bowling Rink magnates?

[NO!!!!]

[misspitbull]

Uh, no! [Well. She no longer looks gloomy, just incredulous.]

Bowling? Seriously? No, his dad did investments and stuff—- not bowling!

[himbomb]

Then why does the name sound so funny?

[Ah, like it's on the tip of his-]

Not, like, "haha" funny but familiar funny.

[no not that tip

And then he asks, with an all too earnestly inquisitive voice-]

Why? Is bowling industry not doing well?

Is it not safe to invest?

[misspitbull]

Uh, probably because, like you said, they’re loaded—- I don’t know! Why would I know about bowling?

[Parker moves, to give him a playful push—- but ends up freezing halfway through the motion. Her brain’s just caught up with what she’s doing an instant too late—- that instant being the moment her fingers brush his skin. So instead of shoving at him, she’s just touching him.]

[himbomb]

[Oh. The touch to the arm activates one of his many instinctual fear responses, which is to tense his muscles all at once and stay still. Rex barely makes a sound for a brief moment in time, and god! What a rare sight to see. Or hear? Maybe unhear...]

Uh, Earth to Parker?

[He does nothing to dislodge the hand on the shoulder her fingers are lying against, although he does raise the index of his opposite hand in faux-protest.]

ET phone cheerleading ho?

[u kno like... ET phone home???? god are these jokes even jokey i lost my grasp on humor during the pandemic]

I would just like to specify that... I mean ho not like a hooker, but, like... A slut for, aah...

[He swallows nervously, that Adam's apple of his bobbing up and down.]

Cheer? Cheerleading. The jumping! The pretty jumpy bendy stuff. Yeah...

[misspitbull]

[She can feel him tensing, which just makes her hold even more still herself. She’s cautious, and gentle, like she’s trying not to frighten a baby deer.

It’s this bit of caution and slowness that keeps her from decking him when he utters the word ho. She scowls at him—- but doesn’t pull away just yet.]

Do you hear yourself?

[That’s the only response she can justify right now. Her hand stays out for the most part, but her thumb twitches slightly, tempted to rub comforting circles against his arm.]

You’re—- warm. Even though we were just in the pool.

[lmao yea that’s what’s going on here, parker, it’s totally just surprise. She’s unconvincing.]

[himbomb]

Oh.

[The next line is delivered all too flatly, he is probably distracted by boobs-]

That's probably 'cause I've got an elevated body temperature.

I sort of rest at somewhere between 101.1-103.4 degrees Faren-gesundt-heit, so, to you I... Probably will always feel like I've got some kinda fever.

[Before her hands acclimate, at least.]