bootyhunter | CALL ME OUT

[It is. He must suffer for his crimes against humanity (*and several alien species).

Faye's fingers brush against his own, reminding him of how Scarlet's lips, full and covered in some sticky gloss, were softer than he had expected. In the moment, Dandy hadn't been doing his fair share of thinking, only going through a set of motions to keep her safe. Why, the money she paid him is in part the reason for his crew's stalling, and neither he nor Meow have been particularly wise in spending it...

But she remained so cold afterwards. Dandy wonders if his genuine concern for her had been too much, amidst a set of burgeoning romantic feelings, which he promptly squashed.

He should smile back at that cheeky remark, and he almost does! The temptation is there. Dandy's melancholy, however, gets the best of him for a second.]

You sure you remember where it is?

[He hears the washing machine clink to a halt, prior to the buzzer firing away.

Dandy places his hand in his pockets, although his gaze never wavers once.

This might be his last chance to take a look at her.]

Sorry.

I didn't mean to hold you back, or anything. You just...

Nevermind.

I think I'll manage.

[ to answer his question. she's about to walk away when he speaks up again. sorry is the last thing she was expecting to hear. ]

You didn't—

[ faye tries to reply but they end up speaking over each other. nevermind, he says, and she stays there, hovering over the threshold, always one foot out the door, or in this case one foot out the hallway. a woman known to hit the ground running the very second something doesn't feel right, feels uncomfortable, and yet she hasn't booked it. passed up every chance in spite of her urges. hell, she could've been gone before he woke up. of course having a hangover can slow a person down.

a manicured hand comes up to grip the side jamb, a subconscious need to anchor herself there.

you just... what was he going to say? no. probably best she doesn't know. ]

It's not because of you.

[ her tone is unwontedly sincere. ]

I just realized I have some business to take care of.

[ keep it casual..... ]

If I see any spiders on my way out, I'll be sure to squash them for you.

[ maybe he'll catch the wink she shoots him this time. ]

[In any other situation, he would see fit to sit still. He said it himself in front of QT and Meow, it's best to go where life takes you, because riding a wave is always easier than fighting the tides of destiny. But he has done that, over and over again, and was keen on continuing to do so, until she followed him back here.

This just doesn't happen. He never gets this far, not emotionally. When he finally thinks he's formed a connection deep enough to be missed, it's plucked out by the roots. He's always fantasized about being a hero for a damsel in distress, but this damsel just seems plain old distressed, period.

When Dandy grabs a hold of her wrist, the action is so instinctive, even he isn't sure from whence it came. He regrets it immediately, fingers slackening within seconds.]

You didn't seem too jazzed about your old job, is all.

["It's not because of you."

She's lied before. Multiple times, actually. He can't trust her tone of voice even if he wants to.

Unfortunately for him, what he does trust is his heart.]

Whatever it is that you do.

Did we talk about it? I don't...

[He releases her, taking the time to scratch an imaginary itch on the back of his ear.]

I'm not the best at keepin' tabs on the nitty-gritty.

[She's most likely figured it out by now.

There's no need to say it out loud.]

[ faye looks down at where dandy's hand connects with her wrist and has to remind herself not to tense up. his grip is gentle. she doesn't make any attempt to pull away or give him reason to let go though he will on his own anyway. ]

I, uh—no. I don't think we did.

[ it was mentioned in passing but neither of them would remember. she looks at him and clears her throat. ]

I'm a bounty hunter. Kind of like your work but, you know, with people... and bounties...

[ faye is assuming it works a little differently with aliens. ]

You'd have to be some kind of masochist to feel jazzed about bounty hunting. It's tough work, generally unreliable, you deal directly with the ISSP, and if you're like me and have to split the payout between two other lunkheads, you're getting even less for all the hard work you've put in. Sometimes it's not even worth the few measely woolongs.

[ but sometimes it is when you have just enough to lay a bet down at the pony races ~~and lose every last one~~. she emits a deep sigh, woe is me, and pivots to face him more directly. her arms come up to cross beneath her bosom and she relaxes some of her weight against the frame of the door as if she has every intention of staying put. ]

I'm not the first person to dislike their job but still do it anyway. Isn't it the same for you too? Or do you actually enjoy hunting aliens?

[Dandy quirks an eyebrow upwards when she says people, noting that what she really means is criminals, supposedly of the vaguely humanoid shape.
Her fighting prowess makes a whole lot more sense now. Catching rare aliens is also on the dangerous side, and while Dandy can't remember, he and the others have died in the process a number of times.]

Dang, so you work with narcs for a living? Oh, big whoop!

Figures that those bastards would outsource the real dirty work to other people. They always wanna pretend they don't get grease on their thumbs like the rest of us. That's why they're always stuffin' donuts into their fat pie-holes.

[He has no right to judge, because if he locked eyes with a hot lady policewoman, he'd be putting his wrists together and yelling, "Arrest me, officer!"

Faye's last thought gives Dandy pause, and he's forced to do yet another uncomfortable thing- Think.]

I guess it's a pain in the ass most of the time, but I definitely don't hate it? And, uh... It's kind of the only gig I can work that doesn't cramp my style.

[Can you imagine Dandy as a Burger King employee... He'd jump out the drive through window and fight the drivers...]

[ that man would be fired on the first day...... ]

One of my crew mates is an ex-cop. We don’t really get along but he’s also a grumpy old fart.

[ apparently to a 23 year-old, 35 is the new old. she shrugs like it’s no big deal that she hardly says more than a handful of words to him, nor spike, on a regular basis. ask her about ~interpersonal relationships~. ]

I don’t know what the other one’s deal is. Maybe sleep apnea? He sounds like he’s grinding gravel in his sleep—

[ a yawn cuts her off. even her body is telling her to move on because it’s so boring talking about those guys that she totally doesn’t care about, pft! she rubs one of her eyes and uses the other to give dandy a quick once-over.

still in his undies but with the added bandage accessory on his hand.

the laugh is starting to find her. ]

Well, you certainly have enough style for the both of us, don’ t you?

[ be careful. the smile on her face can be deceiving. ]

Didn't you say you have a cat?

[ still believing meow to be an actual furball feline, she's not seen one the entire time she's been here and she's a little Concerned. she recalls the smell permeating from the one room and feels a slight hint of dread when she starts speculating whether that was the smell of death or not. ~~is the cat dead???~~

anyway ]

And... QC? What's his name?

So I guess you're not one of those hot girls who's into dads.

[Secretly, internally, he's checking that off as one point for Dandy. Not a dad or an old fart! As far as he remembers, anyway.]

Though now that we're on that track, [who is we??? you mean YOU] I always assumed those girls were in only it for the money. And I guess some people have got weird turn-ons, so, if liver spots are what make ya pop a big one, who am I to judge? So 'long as you're not, y'know, a baby.

[He side-eyes for Faye for that style comment, sensing the sarcasm behind it, and chooses not to address it. She seems to be staying put, at least.]

Yeah, Meow.

He's not my cat or anything, he's just... Some giant furball we picked up at Boobies one day. I thought a new member of the crew would be a useful addition, but turns out, he's just another hungry mouth to feed.

[Who Dandy... Doesn't. Are they ever, like... Significantly more than just okay with each other? Hm.]

The robot's name is QT. Speakin' of which, I'm gonna give that little guy a call in a minute or two. He's an old model, so I'm pretty sure nobody's snatched him up, but I do wonder what's takin' him so damn long.

You're right to assume. Most of those women are in it for the money. Especially if the guy is on his way to his death bed.

[ bluntly put but faye isn't one to judge either—not the women anyway. the men are delusional enough to think a beautiful, young woman is fawning over them for them when really there's $$ in their eyes and not love. it's the cold, hard truth. and look, faye has considered it in times of desperate measures, but the fact of the matter is that her very amateur acting skills would only last so long before she blew a gasket and ran off (with the money).

or maybe she wants actual love. someone to love. maybe. ]

You found the cat at Boobies? How...

[ ... does she really want to know? her imagination could probably do the work. this man lives a strange enough life that maybe it's best she doesn't wade in the waters too far. ]

Oh, yeah, right.

[ faye pushes herself off the frame and moves aside to open up the doorway so dandy could exit. she realizes now that she's been kind of blocking him in there unintentionally. ]

Probably best that you check on him. Even if he is an old model, there's people out there that'll scavenge anything if it means they can get money for it. Just saying.

I can't imagine makin' out with someone and havin' their dentures fall into your mouth would be very, uh, hot and heavy now, would it? Whoa-hoa! Then again, maybe it would be heavy, but definitely not hot.

[He tilts his wristlet upwards towards his face, pressing a button on it to ping QT. Faye will hear something akin to a dial-up tone playing as Dandy continues to ramble unnecessarily.]

Carryin' two sets of chompers between your cheeks sounds like a whole lotta work for some measly ole jaw muscles.

[QT does indeed pick up, and Meow can be heard mouthing off in the background, talking to all twenty-seven of his Space Twitter followers. Yes, he says his tweets out loud before publishing them... It's all very horrible.]

Ay yo, QT! What's the hold up? It feels like you two knuckleheads've been out forever. Don't waste too much money on spare auto parts, there's already too many of 'em takin' up space in your [immaculate and extremely well organized] room.

["Hey Dandy! We're just wrapping up the fuel rods so that they can be transported in tip-top shape! The Aloha Oe got parked a little too far because somebody looked up the wrong directions-"

A muffled, "Hey!" can be heard in Meow's voice.]

Alright, well, if anybody gives the two of ya any trouble, give me a ring, okay?

["Will do! We also wanted to give you some extra time with your new lady friend, so we might have been going at what you would call an easy pace-"]

[In a fit of heated embarrassment, Dandy yells in a fit of unnecessary loudness-]

WHAT?! CCCCCCCH, OH MAN, OH MAN, OH MAN, CCCCH

[He is... Imitating white noise, very openly and very obviously, in front of Faye while cupping a bandaged hand over the side of his face farthest from the wristlet.]

YOU'RE BREAKIN' UP ON ME QT! I CAN'T EVEN HEAR YA OVER THE SOUND OF THE CYBERKINETIC COMMUNICATION-Y VOID THINGYMABOBBER LINE-

["Wait! Dandy! I'm right here!"

i am too ashamed 2 type this but dandy 100% just turned his own communicator off by himself]

Wow. The signal on this planet iiiiiis crappeh.

Edited 2022-04-17 05:36 (UTC)

[ there's a painfully long silence that follows dandy's eruption, along with a mild case of secondhand embarrassment she tries very hard to keep down. he could bet his own booty that he was successful but he'd be wrong. to think he did allllll that just for faye to catch "--your lady friend--" anyway. a laugh hitches in the back of her throat and she has to clear it in order to keep it from emerging.

similarily, it serves to help break up any weirdness in the air.

faye's smooth about it. ]

Are you ashamed of me or something, Dandy?

[ smooth? no, no. more like cruel. suddenly, her expression shifts and it reads more like that of a woman who has been ruefully taken advantage of: brows lowering and knitting together, the corners of her lips turning down, an outward pout. very convincing! she steps towards him and reaches out to take his non-injured hand in hers. ]

I thought we were becoming really close. I even stopped you from bleeding to death, didn't I? [ "bleeding to death" ] Doesn't that earn me the right to be your... lady friend?

[ oh, the dramatic flair. has he learned to look past her bullshit yet? he should probably start now. ]

U-uh, no.

[Dandy quirks a suspicious eyebrow upwards, looking her in the eye with more than just a modicum of distrust, although he doesn't let go of her hand or shoo it away. He's too dense to understand that he's playing right into her trap when he cautiously entangles his own fingers in her saucy grip. There's also a chance that the situation is even worse than that, that some part of his many selves or that one fiber of his cosmically ever-present being knows he's being duped, and wants to believe that this will work out anyway.

It's a good thing for Dandy that "working out" has a pretty flexible definition.]

No! It's just... Those guys tend to be weird assholes about stuff like whatever it is that is-

[He blinks three times in tandem before finishing that sentence.]

Happening.

[And then, because he can't seem to ever manage to go a significant amount of time without a certain train of thought rearing its ugly head-]

...Does this mean that butt stuff is still on the table?

[ record scratch— ]

Butt stuff?

Butt stuff?

...........

[ is this guy really serious ]

.... I'm getting my jacket.

[ faye replies, finally, only this time devoid of emotion. listen. she's too hungover for this; she needs a cigarette and a really hot bath. maybe the question was a joke and it just flew right over her head. clearly, she wasn't amused by it, and she's definitely not amused if he was being serious. whatever. she's worn her welcome and now's a better time than any to leave. right? ]

[Serious, no. Curious? Most certainly. He watches her walk out, altogether ignoring the atmosphere, the cosmic gloom that begins to loom somewhere behind him. He ignores it, the dread not even barely registering, and follows in her footsteps.]

...Would you rather we aim for a no-panty party in the front? [WHAT!!!] W-wait! Hold on!

[Whatever it is that Dandy does is supposedly out of free will, but is that really true? When your body is a bizarrely constructed anomaly, seemingly humanoid but entirely devoid of the biological makeup that would render it truly so, and you, or hundreds of thousands of other yous, exist in every possible facet of life there is or can be...

Are the decisions you make yours, or theirs? The knowledge in the back of your head that doesn't register as knowledge, but a reflex, a memory... It's so deeply embedded that has become instinctual.

It would be better to end things here.

He can't grow old with her. Not in the same way.

Or perhaps there is a way- The path just hasn't been molded yet.]

You know that thing's gonna be sopping wet, right?

Edited 2022-04-21 02:06 (UTC)

[ faye stalks off in spite of dandy's insistence, hands curling into loose fists at her sides, so annoyed with him but more with herself. she almost whips around to send them into a sudden collision when he starts following her, giving her the excuse to shove him away, to physically reinforce distance between them. don't, she would've told him, but she chooses to keep walking. ]

Big deal. I'll just tie it to my zipcraft and let it dry that way.

[ flippantly, both in manner of tone and in the way she moves, a stark contrast to the way she was acting with him just moments before, like something had flipped a switch in her ~~his dumb mouth AHEM~~. she finds her way back to the machine and swings the door open, grabbing the first bit of red fabric she sees. he gets to witness her unfurl the wet article of clothing only to realize that it was his shirt, and then aggressively toss it back in. she then pulls out her jacket, sopping wet just like he said, and slams the door shut. ]

Sorry but I've got things I need to do. I can't stay here all day and play nurse.

[ hot → cold in nothing flat. ]

And definitely not in the way you want.

[ *sexually ]

[She has every right to be angry. Faye is a woman in an entirely new location with a total stranger, and sure, she's proven in a variety of ways that she can take care of herself, but something within her doesn't seem to want to, despite each loud insistence of the opposite. She's exhausted and miserable, clearly, and while she travels with a crew, he can spot the obvious hole in her surly armour. It's not just the debt she's in.

There's something they can't provide for her, a necessary part of being alive that they can't-]

Sure.

[Dandy maintains his distance from her post-shove, going so far as to even close his eyes and let out a puff of air. She moves forward and he hangs backwards, a notoriously familiar song and dance when it comes to Dandy's lovelife. His sore fingers clench in the makeshift dressing that she has just wrapped.

The word is on the tip of his tongue.

"Sorry."

He doesn't say it.]

I'll get the door for you on your way out.

Edited 2022-04-22 13:50 (UTC)

[ faye doesn't look at him; her dark hair falls juuust right that it obscures her side profile and in turn cuts her peripheral in half. she couldn't glance at him without making it obvious, and she's careful about that, because he's looking at her. she can feel his eyes. sometimes it only takes a look. ]

Yeah. Fine.

[ they're strangers in passing, here and gone like a falling star, destined to burn up before making it into the atmosphere. the familiar song and dance that comes with every fleeting encounter in her life—never allowing anyone to stay long enough to see past the bullshit. part of her fears she's the one to stay too long this time.

has the barrier slipped? ]

You lead the way. I don't remember the way out of here.

[Faye's discomfort is what forces Dandy back into his usual goofy register. He cracks a smile, which somehow is all the more convincing now that she's not giving him the time of day. The warmth of his expression pervades his voice. The overly gelled hairball gasps briefly, holding both hands in the air in jest.]

Oh no!

[This is all said and done prior to Dandy stepping in the direction of the door. He takes his place in front of her, so all that's visible is his own backside. And, yes, the duckbutt of the pompadour. God! He's still in his underwear, isn't he?]

With all the walkin' we're gonna be doing, water's bound to start drippin' all over the place! Then it'll just look like I broke your heart.

[*from the jacket, he means

His stroll, his pace, it's all a little too casual, considering what happened just moments earlier. He tilts his head from side to side while he walks, with a center of gravity that is somehow both crotch and hair-first, although it's clear he's not in a rush to usher Faye out.]

That's okay, baby.

[The joking lilt in Dandy's speech all but comes to a slow halt, tenderness creeping in. He seems to welcome it in slowly with an air of tangible nostalgia, ruminating on a silent thought. When they approach the door, he pops it open, still not turning to look at her.

In fact, the whole time he's been in motion, he hasn't glanced in Faye's direction even once.]

Whenever Beavis and Bot-head get back?

I'll just tell 'em you broke mine.

[ oh, faye notices. and there will come a moment when she feels both relieved and dispirited that he's chosen not to look at her. if she's lucky she can walk out with a small wave of her hand and a terse bye, but she's rarely ever lucky.

"i'll just tell 'em that you broke mine." his tenderness almost fools her. she knows it's a joke.

the door pops open and she immediately lowers her gaze to the floor, moving to slip around him. they brush shoulders on her way out. it wasn't the reason for her sudden pause though it might appear that way. she hovers in the doorway for what seems like forever. and then she turns, forcing him to look at her. ]

I know I never thanked you for this morning.

[ the food, the drinks, the company, letting her crash on the couch, and use the washer, and not be a total creep ~~the bar is so low....~~ ]

So thank you.

Edited 2022-04-24 07:51 (UTC)

[~~THE BAR REALLY IS IN HELL!!!!~~

His less than stellar misstep isn't really the kind that can be thrust aside, not in good faith. She'd be right to think of him as a dog, what with his empty head being filled to the brim with pervy fantasies. Each nearly anatomically inaccurate jiggle of the flesh serves a specific purpose, occupying the corners of his mind, each one a pretty distraction from the lonely reality of his meandering existence.

He's forced to look at her when their shoulders make contact. Forced to think that this is goodbye, and perhaps confront the notion that in the vast expanse that is the universe and its many alternate companions, this may always be the end result. Luckily or un-luckily enough for him, Dandy is stupid enough to believe otherwise and still have hope that things have the opportunity to be different one day.

Dandy utters a platitude that she's heard him say more than once in their time together. He tries to smile at her, but his brows are pressed together in a motion that conveys pain. The door that he holds open feels heavy.]

Don't worry about it.

[And so, he leans against the doorway.]

[ long after they've parted ways and she's alone, once again, not only in her room but in the company of her comrades, she will think about him. this perverted, strange, bizarrely styled, buoyant but immensely lonely man. she studies his face, notes the pain that pinches his brows together, not even a flicker of that doofy smile. she won't smile either; the word goodbye hangs at the tip of her tongue but is never spoken. maybe it pains her too.

instead, faye will just nod, and then turn and walk away. because there's nothing more to say, and no reason to look back, until she knows she's out of his sight for good. ]

CALL ME OUT

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1/2

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i'm sorry she's like this

i can delete this if the thread will erupt into chaos as a result

1/? the chaos is mild but i will delete if this doesn't work for u!

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askjf done

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end!