bootyhunter | CALL ME OUT

I'm only givin' a poo-shaw [that's not a real word] about the posterior, baby. Toes? Dandy couldn't care less! But, hey, if we're gettin' cozy and you want me to suck on 'em-

["You" being a hypothetical "you" and not Hagakure necessarily-]

Sure! Why not?

I'm game.

[Dandy plugs the drain, turning on the faucet once more. He pours something from a different bottle into the slowly deepening pool of water, and bubbles slowly begin to froth at the surface.]

Gimme your gams, man, c'mon!

I think you're good with me on that... I've never found feet all that sexy myself.

[He can also think of a few other things that he'd prefer to be sucked first, um.

Anyway I am sorry moving on-- Hagakure eases himself onto his posterior as their shower turns into a bath. Wow, a two-for-one. He scoots back a little so his legs are on either side of Dandy. He can take his pick of which one to scrub first! And because I absolutely do not believe the Danganronpa art team, Hagakure's legs absolutely have hair on them okay.]

A bubble bath, too... [He can't help but grin about it. As usual, this is all new and exciting for him.] What scent didja pick?

Honestly? I dunno.

[Dandy snorts. He starts with Hagakure's right leg, his hands lavishing affection on his inner thigh. These legs are smoother than the ones he's used to touching, but oddly enough, he doesn't mind.]

I like roses and raspberry. Lavender's good too.

[All favorites of ex-girlfriends.

Dandy doesn't remember, as usual.]

I know they're girly scents, but they're nice! Soothin'.

[He hums the tune to a melody he's long since forgotten the title of.

Dandy, for once, appears to be completely at peace. Not boisterous, rowdy, or engulfed by his distressing levels of horny, but...

Zen.]

I'm more the type to pop open a bubbly than take a bath with few, y'know?

Unless there's someone in it with me.

Thanks for doin' this.

Nothin' wrong with that!

[Hagakure's tone is sing-songy as he speaks. He's having such a good time being pampered like this. If he's not careful, he could melt right into this bath.]

I like girly scents too, 'specially in times like this. They're nice 'n' clean smells, y'know? I dunno, I feel like with guy scents it's a whole different vibe.

[Of course, both scents have their roles of attracting others, but he's less likely to wear cologne because he enjoys the scent of it.

His grin softens back into a fond smile as he watches Dandy work and listens to that humming. It's soothing, just like the rest of this moment.]

Thanks for suggestin' it. This is real nice, seriously... I think I'd be more into gettin' wet if it could be like this every time.

[Seriously, he's even found himself thinking about how nice it would be for the two of them to take advantage of that fancy-schmancy tub across the bathroom. If only they had some actual bubbly to drink... But ah, he really shouldn't be thinking about more booze when he has a head-splitting hangover waiting for him in the morning.]

But I know I gotta get better at this. I wanna get better. I never wanna get scolded by you again.

[Though that moment of mortification is already like a distant memory at this point, the sentiment remains. He hopes Dandy will notice one day- press his nose to Hagakure's neck and tell him how good he smells.

Heh.]

[Dandy casually shrugs the leg he's working on over his shoulder, also so he can get a chance to touch that pancake-flat ass. He chuckles, rubbing soap from Hagakure's knees to his ankles.

When he gets to the other man's foot, he is particularly lavish with his attention. He might not be the most thorough alien hunter who ever was, but Dandy is sure to wash over the soles and between the toes.]

Yeah! With guy scents, it's really easy to do a little too much.

You gotta use about half a spritz with those.

I learned that the hard way.

[He wonders if he should act upon the incessant itch in the back of his mind, yearning to fill in the gaps. What exactly happened, in the beginning, that other time?

And how can he avoid it in this cosmic thread...]

Hey! I'm still in here with you, aren't I?

That's gotta count for somethin'.

[The sudden shift sends Hagakure reaching for either side of the tub to steady himself. It's a good thing too, because he absolutely wriggles a little when Dandy makes a grab for his ass. He can't help but laugh back- more a giggle than anything, but it's soft and content. He's flattered that Dandy would actually go for seconds or thirds with a butt as flat as his.]

So that's the trick. [He muses between noises of contentment. It feels really nice to have his feet tended to like this. He didn't realize how tense those muscles were.] I haven't really experimented all that much? But I think I went overboard all the times I did put some cologne on.

[He was basically a walking plume of cheap cologne. Dandy would've gotten such a kick out of it.

in response to that last bit...]

It counts for everything! And believe me, I'm takin' plenty of notes. [He taps one of his temples.] Storin' 'em right up in the brain library.

[It's cute that he thinks he'll retain any information in those few brain cells of his once they get rocked by the consequences of his actions tonight.]

'specially if you want me to practice on you.

[Here, Dandy stops washing and squints.]

The perfume thing?

[He seems genuinely dumbfounded.]

Is this your weird way of sayin' you wanna make me... Cough?

Edited 2022-08-25 06:16 (UTC)

Oh my gods--

[Hagakure just laughs, feigning a little exasperation.]

No, dummy [affectionate], I wanna give you a good scrub-down too.

S'only fair, right?

[Dandy, on the other hand, appears sheepish for a few seconds, going so far as to rub a sudsy hand in his own hair. Whoops! That's not shampoo.

He's the older one, and clearly more experienced, so...]

Oh!

Guess so? A-ah, shoot...

That ain't conditioner!

[He looks up at the suds that he can see from his perspective, chuckling at his own foolish pitfall.]

Y'know, I miiiight just wanna snuggle after all of this.

'Sides! You've got plenty of time to pay me back for my service.

[Dandy knows there are plenty of establishments that offer it back in Hagakure's homeland, and the tradition has become a mainstay in various areas around the galaxy. If there's a date planet, there's certainly a pleasure planet, and despite Dandy's rampant consumption of printed pornography, he doesn't really enjoy the nature of those services.

They are a little too transactional for his tastes.]

Just don't die on me!

'Kay?

[Cute... Hagakure laughs back before leaning forward and scooping up some water to rinse Dandy's hair out with. It's hard not to sport a goofy, googly smile as runs his own hand through the other man's hair.]

There, mistake erased.

[He gently pushes aside any stray strands in Dandy's face before pulling back.]

That's true... [He speaks like he's just come to a great realization, because in a way, he has. Dandy's speaking of future interactions. It's starting to feel real, like this could actually work--] Okay, I'll be sure to getcha back later.

[More specifically on that last bit...]

'cause I'm not goin' anywhere. It's a promise.

[He knows he really shouldn't be promising that he's not going to die. It required a lot of dumb luck to make it through his last game, and there's no guarantee that he'll be that lucky a second time. But unlike last time, he knows what to expect and he has the fortune to be able to improve upon his past mistakes to keep himself alive. Surely that has to mean something.

Surely having a new, very special incentive to keep his spirits high has to mean that much more.]

In the meantime, snuggling sounds real nice. [He's being a little presumptuous with what he says next, but...] I guess I'm gettin' to share a bed with someone for the first time tonight too, huh?

Edited 2022-08-29 16:46 (UTC)

[As soon as Hagakure runs his hand through Dandy's hair, he attempts to brush a stray, lengthy sideburn behind his ear. Holy fuck, this is nice. He's oddly quiet when being tended to, sobered by the notion that it really has been forever since anybody's treated him with such kindness.

It'd be nice if they could go to bars and hold hands and shit.

That's the funny thing about Space Dandy- He's got a helluva lot of raunchy fantasies, sure, but it's the little things, the tender moments... That seem the most fantastical of all.

They're always just out of reach.

Fickle. Momentary.

It's why he clings to the present so strongly.]

You've never passed out with one of your crushes somewhere?

[He says this all while racking his own mental roledex for a memory. Anything similar.

Once again, he finds nothing.]

Fall asleep while studyin' hard? Pass out after stealin' a few soft drinks from the local convenience store on a late night out?

Damn. Well, maybe it's a good thing you've got a crush on me.

[Dandy's jovial tone of voice dips for a second.

The facade drops, if only for a short while.]

I'm tired.

I'd like to fall asleep in somebody's arms for a change. Instead of my own drool, y'know?

…no.

[Dandy’s examples only serve to remind Hagakure of how much he has missed out on in his young and dumb years. He’s never had friends to hang out with, let alone a crush who would give him the time of day outside of maybe hearing a fortune.

He lowers his head a little, looking down with a melancholy expression at the dissolving bubbles in their bath.]

And if I did get up to anything in high school, I don’t remember it. ‘Shima took those two years away from me.

[It really sucks when he actually stops to think about it.

But you know what? Whether he has never gotten to experience this before or doesn’t remember, at least he’s getting to do it now.

Keeping that in mind, he lifts his head high once more and takes hold of Dandy’s hand.]

You’re in luck, Dee, ‘cause I wanna fall asleep with someone in my arms. I obviously don’t have anyone to vouch for this, but I like to imagine they’re comfy enough.

We can finish up here if you’re that tired.

[AH?!? ALARM!!!]

Well, April showers bring May flowers.

Isn't that right, baby?

[His alarmed expression fades to one of kindness, and despite his routine tack-on of that corny vocal eccentricity, Dandy's tone of voice is gentle.

And oddly sincere.

He squeezes that hand back.]

And since I took yours, [HIS FLOWER?! DON'T U HATE IT HERE-] it's only fair that I take a few more showers with ya to make up for all of my sins.

I'm sorry. Your last few years sound like major bummers, man.

Lucky for you, Dandy's the life of the party! So maybe I can help ya feel a little better.

Edited 2022-08-30 04:41 (UTC)

[Though he can't help but wonder if his pathetic situation brought that look of alarm on...Hagakure still brightens up at the analogy comparison.]

That's totally right. [INCLUDING...THE BIT ABOUT HIS FLOWER BEING STOLEN...] I dunno about havin' to make up for sins 'n' all that, but I'm definitely not complaining.

[Because taking showers together is for couples. It makes Hagakure warm and fuzzy to think about it like that...]

You've already made me feel so much better. Seriously! Like...bein' here? With you? Pretty sure that string of bummers has been broken.

[For now.]

I really do appreciate it, though. I know those bad memories are never gonna be gone, but I've got some really, really good ones to balance 'em out now. And more to come, yeah?

Yeah.

[He should know better by now. He should know better, and yet like hell he'd throw away this pleasant chance to fuel the fire inside of him, even if it burns him in the end.

Dandy makes his way towards Hagakure's side of the tub without a second of hesitation, so comfortable between the other's legs, it's entirely sleazy. He rests one of his elbows on the clairvoyant's shoulder, leaning over him fully, and then snakes a hand down Hagakure's midline as he speaks.]

Although I should probably make you come first. My treat!

[Dandy's voice is as low and alluring as he can muster.]

Sorry. I didn't want it to seem like I was stringin' ya along. Is that okay with you?

[unfortunately he is grabbing that pathetic excuse for an underwater sea serpent before the question is even finished smh!

Gently, Dandy begins to stroke Hagakure up and down.]

We can even smooch a little.

[Hagakure blinks with confusion when Dandy suddenly goes from scrubbing his leg to crawling up on him. Truly, he didn't see this coming. (pun intended) His head tips up to meet Dandy's gaze, eyes wide with curiosity.

Well, until Dandy makes his intentions entirely plain, of course.]

H-Huh? Like...right here?

[Confused and surprised as he sounds, that's not a "no". Especially when Dandy talks to him like that.]

I mean, I'm not gonna say n-

[Ah, didn't even get to finish that thought. Classic. Hagakure yelps as if this is a complete surprise to him. But once a rhythm is established, he leans back against the wall of the tub and takes hold of Dandy's sides.

After a breathless laugh:]

Seriously? So soon? You just finished cleanin' me off! [The slight buoyancy afforded by the water allows him to nudge up into Dandy's touch all the more easily.] Not that I don't have another round in me or anything...

Uh-huh.

[insert anime jerkoff motions here]

So long as you don't clog the shower drain, I think we'll be alright.

Maybe you should just aim for the ceiling.

Think you could even make it that far?

[insert yaoi noises here

actually a little Hagakure panic too]

Oh my gods, no. How would we get it off? Ross 'n' Joya would have so many questions...

[...the action is happening underwater, that is no chance of cum ending up on the ceiling.

As usual, no thought is happening in that head of his. Which, given how his hair is down, is not as big as it might seem anyway.]

Would they?

[Dandy flashes Hagakure a cheeky grin.]

I think the answer'd be pretty clear.

I could maybe see how you'd mistake it for toothpaste, but the texture just wouldn't be right.

Edited 2022-09-03 05:43 (UTC)

They're not gonna taste test it, holy crap--

[They're not Dandy, in other words.]

But like! Tell me you can't picture 'em grillin' us like "Why'd you leave that disgusting shit in our public bathroom?"

[...]

Well, Joya would. Ross would do his very serious version of that, though.

I'd like to see Rossy-baby stumblin' all over his words for that one.

[Dandy knows that Joy would kick. His. Ass, so! That's about right, he won't address it.]

He gets real weird about this kinda stuff.

He does? Y'know...actually, I'm not that surprised. He's a great guy, but he kinda does have a stick up his ass, doesn't he?

[Hagakure can't help but think of Ishimaru when it comes to Rossiu... Well, in the "stick up the ass" department. Rossiu is nowhere near as emotional.]

It's what he needs baby!

[He's just gonna manhandle Goob's balls now don't mind him.]

That nearly bald-headed boyscout got so much stress in his body he's already forgotten how anything feels. That just ain't right!

You know those rubber doinkety-doinks? At least, I think they're rubber...

[dildos?????]

Edited 2022-09-03 06:36 (UTC)

[He is absolutely minding?! Just not in a bad way. Words are hard to come by for a moment as he becomes very, very distracted by all those pleasure sensors.

...and when the fog clears, he has a lucid thought about how they're really discussing Rossiu's sex life in the middle of a handy.]

Y'mean a dildo? Does he even know what those are? [Did Simon tell him? Surely Simon told him. AnYWaY:] You do got me there, though. It'd be much more enjoyable than havin' a stick up there.

CALL ME OUT

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he is dumb

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1/2

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this is short butt i had to get this cursed joke out of my headspace

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