bootyhunter | CALL ME OUT

[Parker almost laughs at him when he says that. Is that what he thinks is wrong with her?]

That’s not exactly new for me, either. [She had been paranoid and crazy beyond belief multiple times over the past year—- sure that she was next. Despite that, she confesses, matter of factly—-]

I’m not scared of dying. [Not as much as most people, at least. She swims past him, the scars on her back jarring against the perfection that is the rest of Parker Rochford, and she doesn’t look back at him, until she’s swam to the other edge of the pool.

She’s not afraid of dying. Not totally, at least. It’s not like she has a death wish. But what does scare her is letting another innocent, young girl die. Like Anna. Like Katie.]

[Not necessarily. He has a few ideas circling about in his head- But she isn't a superhero, and so her life and his own have an obvious divide. The real gap between them both is her wealth and privilege. Regarding trauma, they might be more similar than he initially suspected.]

Really?

[He asks that question with a grounded sort of weight. Rex's boisterous nature seems to have disappeared momentarily, revealing a more secretive, thoughtful perspective. He doesn't feel comfortable reflecting in front of most people.]

'Cause I still am.

[Which is funny, since he has a feeling that time is coming soon. He has yet to make peace with that fact entirely, but somehow it's a miracle he's even managed to live this long. Eighteen years.

What's kept him going in the thick of all the misery is his drive, a pigheaded hope that humanity, as disgusting and selfish as it is, can be more than it seems. That he, a disgusting and selfish human being, unloved by the people who gave birth to him, a street rat and a nobody...

Could somehow become a great hero, too.]

It's less the dyin' part and more... Dying like this.

[As the guy who skipped the funeral of the world's greatest superheroes to cheat on his then-girlfriend with their mutual friend. An asshole. The member of the team that without fail makes every newcomer ask, "Why is he here?"]

The way I am, right now.

When I die, I wanna be better. Bigger, smarter, sexier, I dunno!

[It would be nice. To die and finally be remembered.

He had been forgotten for so long, and still is. Nobody cares that he's paid for this life, in so many more ways than the others. He said he had a choice, but did he? A kid with no friends, no education, and no pathways to anything that wasn't death, addiction, or jail. If he hadn't become a superhero, he would have been one of the kinds of people they put behind bars. Not the mafia bosses or masterminds- The poor shmucks who had so little that stealing was the only way.]

I wanna end it all like one of the big guys. Do something important.

When I go out, [Not even an if-] it's gonna be with a bang.

Edited 2022-02-13 07:50 (UTC)

[It’s weird, to hear him when he gets serious like that, and Parker’s once more aware of the ways that she— and everyone else- had misjudged Rex over the last three weeks. She’d categorized him as another Henry Tudor—- less fake, but still with his head up his own ass. He’d disproven her original perception of him multiple times before, in little different ways. But this was something different. More significant.]

That’s… [She searches for the word, but he has Miss Indiana’s Outstanding Teen at a loss for words. Which. Actually is impressive.] … actually a good thing to strive for, isn’t it? To be better, and be remembered for something great? [That’s what she’s assuming he means by going out with a bang. The whole front page newspaper deal. People saying nice things about you after you die—- nothing like what happened to George, Anna or Katie. But… being remembered. The way you should be.]

I could have died, on prom night. Henry wanted to look like a hero, and pulled me out of the flames. [The ones she’d run into, trying to save George. As if it wasn’t already too late.]

After that, I was afraid that I’d die before getting the truth out, about what he did. But not of the death part. [Was it because she felt like she was already running on lost time? Or was it because she knew that at the end, George would be there?

insert taco shell why not both girl gif]

Yeah, but it's such a fuckin' crapshoot.

People only remember the best.

[Rex shrugs, all too honestly, with a wistful look on his face. It'd be sobering if he wasn't, you know, floating around with his dick out in a public place?! The shlong's not even at half-mast and it's below the water, butt still...]

Well, that's depressing!

[SO IS THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION?!]

Everything cool that life's got to offer has basically never even happened to you yet.

Don't you still live with your mom and dad? In, like, Bumfuck-Nowhere's-Ville?

Edited 2022-02-13 09:07 (UTC)

[Yeah, it is a little hard to take him seriously like that. Parker’s just trying not to think about it.]

Uh? Yeah, it’s depressing. I lost prom queen, and my boyfriend got murdered. That’s the definition of depressing. [Is she still bitter about the prom thing? Not as bitter as Lina must have been, and not as bitter as she is about the actual murder, but—- come on.]

Lancaster, Indiana. It’s not completely bumfuck, but close.

Everything life had to offer is kind of gone, now. Like, yeah. I’m hot, and I can do fun things, but what’s the point?

At the end of the day, I’m alone.

You can go out and meet new people. Somewhere else! You're seventeen, for fuck's sake.

[It's all yelled, but for once, there's no sarcasm or snide retort that comes with it.]

Skip town. Go to school in another state! Sure, whatever happened to you is always gonna be... Well, that.

But you can be free whenever you want. Or, well, as free as possible. Not everybody's a dickhead. Someone'll understand! You're, like, cute and shit so you're probably gonna have to weed out a whole buttload of assholes, but...

[DOES SHE....]

You've got, like, sense, right? Or, uh, some! Some. Just enough to get by.

I’ve got way more sense than most people. [She has that going for her, mostly.]

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have like, a death wish. The life I planned is over and ruined, but I’ll figure something out.

I’m just not afraid if it’ll end. [A pause, then, quietly added—-]

Also? I have some really bad luck. Like. Cursed level bad luck. I’m pretty much a walking death flag for anyone I befriend. [case in point? What happened to Red.]

You sure?

[Rex makes a scruffy, surprised sound, the kind that dies in his throat before he continues speaking. Despite the subject matter, his tone is oddly light-hearted.]

I might be able to give you a run for your money on that one. I can't say I've got any dead friends, but that's also 'cause I've got, like two? And I'm not entirely sure that one of 'em even likes my dumb ass! He just hangs out with me 'cause I'm always pesterin' him. That and I think he wishes he could get as much puss as I fuckin' do.

[Rex sighs, leaning on the other side of the pool.]

The other one I fucked! Her and all her other selves. She's, like, a one woman army? She can clone herself. Which is kind of cool because she'll never be alone? But, also, if you think about it- Really fucked! I like my alone time. Also, I'm pretty sure after twenty minutes or so, I'd punch my dopple-dickhead in the studly mother-fucking face!

My ex is probably gonna outlive me, one, because she's crazy powerful, and two? 'Cause she's actually smart.

[She's also immortal but lmfao nobody has found that out yet?!?!]

Look. I get that what happened to you was a fuckin' nightmare. Don't let anybody tell you different, 'cause it was!

But, it could be worse! Man, I hate that I'm even sayin' that. If you get outta here, y'know! Things could be okay eventually.

… Yeah. Well. We’ll see. Starting somewhere new does sound pretty nice. [She caught the if part of getting out of there. But she actually appreciates that part. It’s realistic, at this point. They’re trapped in space, kidnapped by some ugly psycho who thinks he’s hot, and are being pushed to kill each other. She’s sensible, and she’s not afraid to die. It’s good to be realistic about these things—- at least, here, between the two of them.

If he’d said it in front of any of the girls, she’d have chewed him out.]

I’d offer you a third. But. You know. Bad luck.

Well, you're in luck! My life's already a shit show.

[Rex has a big mouth and a bad temper, but he does understand that alarming an already tense group of young people isn't good for morale.]

So, what's a little more shit? Throw it in with the rest of the dookie-pile. It's just another dump!

[i hate toilet humor!!!!!! i do actually ugh the things i type to stay ic]

My life's been pretty messed up.

[Understatement of the century...]

I'm still holdin' out hope for the day that all changes, though.

You’re disgusting. [Her nose wrinkles as she gazes at him, like she didn’t just. Offer to be his friend.]

It should be a crime to be as hot as you are, and say that kind of shit.

...Yeah, I know.

[If this were in public and they were surrounded by other people, he'd gloat about it. But there are only two of them here, and he is still naked and exposed in a pool...]

It's pretty much the only reason I can get away with this stuff.

[Rex's obsession with his looks, as silly as it is, has just as much to do with self-preservation as it does with vanity.]

Ohhhh, no! I think I can feel my foreskin pruning. Welp! That's no fun.

[He rubs the back of his neck, those features of his growing noticeably more timid.]

I dunno if I'd be down to offer my bod to Ugly Dickhead, [he means handsome jack] also 'cause there's no way in hell I'd be able to get it up for that bastard. But, aah, I wonder if there's anything we could offer him that'd work?

Oh my gawd Rex, don’t talk to me about your foreskin. Get out of the pool if it’s that bad! [ She turns her head with what could almost be indignity, if it weren’t so obvious that she’s giving him a chance to go for the towel if he wants to.

That, and she hates the way that look on his face makes her feel right now. This is not a crush worthy moment, and she is Parker Rochford, Miss Indiana’s Outstanding teen, and a force to be reckoned with. She’s basically giving herself the worlds strongest pep talk in her head when he makes his suggestion.]

Ew. That guy? I don’t know. What were you thinking?

Remember- You were the one who wanted to hookup with me.

[Rex does one scan within his field of vision before finally ascending from the pool, wrapping the towel around his waist and getting water everywhere. The gesture is both careless and inconsiderate, especially since somebody else could slip.]

I dunno.

With dudes like that, there's no winning. The rules of Devil Deal Makin' tend to apply- No matter whatcha offer or how hard you try, you're always gonna end up gettin' played.

[Another sigh leaves him, both shoulders heaving this time.]

You know if any of these shitheads can build a rocket? Ugh, but then we'd need enough food to keep us alive until we hit the next livable asteroid, and also, if we're talkin' murder, I'm pretty sure havin' to sit that close to all the people I don't like would really get me to do some irreversible damage. The damn-ing kind!

Edited 2022-02-18 19:17 (UTC)

Yeah, and you became the first guy to turn Parker Rochford down, so, like-- don't talk about your dick, it's super unclassy.

[Like he has had any class this entire time. She waits a little bit, still turned away from him-- the scarring on her back on full display, unintentionally. Then, once she's sure she's given him enough time, she climbs out of the pool herself. She's much more careful, and deliberate than him-- she even gives her ponytail a little scrunch on its way out to get rid of the excess water.]

A rocket? I don't think so. The doc's pretty smart, but is super olden-times. [says the girl whose based off of JANE BOLEYN of literal olden times history] Maybe the robot? I somehow doubt that the stuff to make one is just like, laying around here.

[And there it is.

Rex winces just a tad, his nose wrinkling slightly. They should be discussing a potential getaway plan, but if he's being honest with himself, Rex has been trained for solo missions. Getting in and out of places unscathed- All on Earth. With limited parameters and specific contacts. A conveniently placed helicopter, a perfectly timed bicycle dropoff, a bus operated with only one stop by a man in a suit who worked for the same agency...

This is totally out of his depth. There are far too many parameters.]

Yeah, but you never messed around with other dudes, did you?

You just had one guy.

[Rex wonders, for a second, how Eve would have felt if she had lost him.

In some ways, would that have been better? He would've died a hero, if young, and she would have loved him to the very end. Ah, but therein lies his selfishness.

Rex, to some degree, knows he will die before he hits old age. In his line of work, that is practically a guarantee. But what he desires, what he craves-]

I didn't reject you? Not you-you, I...

[Is to become a champion first.]

I cheated on my ex-girlfriend? With our friend! In a shower that we all use! Eve was as close to perfect as you could get, and yeah, she's great and I'm about as nice as a bucket full of turds! But...

We did have some shit in common.

[That they were experiments. That their families didn't see them for their real worth. Or well, in Eve's case, "family." Rex had always wondered what it was like for her to live with two people she knew weren't her real parents.

Two idiot fuckers who hadn't the faintest clue.]

You're not the problem here.

Yeah. I mean… George and I just kind of. Made sense. Even before we got together in middle school, it was basically written for us. It was supposed to be forever. [She hasn’t quite made it to the towel, and wraps her arms across her chest subconsciously.]

You can’t hold that against me. If I had my way… [Well. They wouldn’t be here, would they?]

Cheating… doesn’t make you a shit person, you know?

[Instead of answering, Rex looks down at his knees, observing how the cloth of the towel folds above his thighs, considering his options carefully.

Parker is being thoughtful. Open-minded, even. But Rex was a shitty person long before he ever cheated on Eve. It's irrational, and sure, what his parents did to him was unforgivable, but everything that's happened until this point has made him wonder. What if they were right? Not to love him. To give him up, just like that. As it seems. nothing good has come out of being close to him.

He pulls his knees to his chest, knowing that an explanation won't do any good. It won't change what he did.]

...Well.

It's not the shittiest thing I ever did.

Edited 2022-02-19 04:36 (UTC)

Sure. And… it happens. [She casts a glance back at him—- then decides it’s probably best to not look at him anymore. There’s still that stirring in her chest, and he probably doesn’t want her looking at him when he’s like that. She focuses her gaze elsewhere, wrapping her own towel around her torso.]

It’s not as big a deal as people act like it is. Cheating. It sucks, yeah, but it’s not like…

She can move on from that. She has a whole life, still. She’ll be fine.

[Rex can't say that Parker's wrong, and she isn't. Eve will be heartbroken for a little while, but Invincible is probably ready beneath the bleachers, with a pair of strong arms to comfort her. For fuck's sake, they can both fly! And go to the same school.]

Yeah.

It will. She'll be okay.

[She, not, "I."]

Honestly? She's probably better for it. It's not like she doesn't have options.

Sure. So… don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like you cheated on her, then killed her for cheating back.

[she says it like? it’s happened before?]

You both can move on.

Why would anybody do that?

[Rex raises an eyebrow at her.]

Murder's a lot of trouble, FYI! Like, legally speaking. Nobody who pulled that dumb shit is close to worth the jail time for it!

[Parker cracks a smile, despite herself.]

You’d think. But… Well. Don’t worry about it. You’ll just have to like… trust me. It’s not that big a deal. She’ll get over it. You should too.

Hold on just a fuckin' minute.

[At this, he raises an index finger, growing more dubious by the second.]

You're from normal world, right? No superheroes!

They do send people to jail for killing and shit. Yeah? The only things that would hold up in court to prevent any kind of accountability for that would be self-defense or a reason of insanity plea.

...What's goin' on here? Something is up! UFO up, baby. And I, for one? Am not a fan.

Edited 2022-02-19 05:21 (UTC)

Uh, normally, yeah? Except… this guy. Henry. His dad basically owns the town. They managed to chase the Boleyns out, and they were fucking loaded.

[She’s back to digging her perfect fingernails into her own arms again.]

It’s just. More complicated than saying he has to go to jail for it. There’s politics. There’s money. There’s… all the proof we gathered. And seeing what the police end up doing with it. [She says we. But so much of the evidence had come from Anna herself, dead and gone.]

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this is disgusting and im only typing this shit joke bc jason mantzoukas improvs too many

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im sorry this is so awful poor sam have i burned your eyes

washing em out w holy water

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SPOILER

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