bootyhunter | CALL ME OUT

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CALL ME OUT

CALL ME OUT:

Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter /

himbomb /

incelligent

*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama)

kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder)

moneyballer available on request

Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc)

googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy)

edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job)

madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game)

aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party)

portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party)

confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag)

feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo)

pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet)

screechy

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ While it's true he could consider that Flambae has never interacted with him any way but vocally, he still ... somehow ... had hope that this would be easier. Why did he even hope that? He isn't sure. He doesn't know, at this point, why he's doing any of this anymore. ]

Stop fucking calling me names, asshole, that's not attractive at all.

[ Robert is also in the comfort of his own home. Sitting in his plastic chair facing the balcony. Beef nearby. Basically nothing else. He sighs, rubbing his eyes before he tries this messaging thing again. ]

So are you just not going to give me any specifics about why the pics are bad, or ...

Well, nevermind. No, we've never hooked up before.

Edited 2025-12-14 04:19 (UTC)

[The callout about being unattractive in any regard would have been Flambae's IRL call to leave or create some variety of an unnecessarily violent scene, but here behind the safety of screens, he can't help but have his interest piqued even further. So they've run into each other before, but they've never had sex. Unfortunately, the bastards at SDN do not even register on the list of men he's running through in his head.

None of his coworkers are viable choices. Flambae would sooner die than become a winged ratfucker, Waterboy is an adult bed-wetter, Punch-Up is still head over miniature heels for Coupe, and Royd, while adorable and enviably muscular, has done the unthinkable: Mistake every watercooler flirting attempt for some stupid opportunity to talk about... What is it he likes? Robots? God, for such a scrumptious specimen to be wasted on something as annoying and unsexy as science... Oh, and there's Golem, who is pretty freaking awesome honestly but he's a pile of mud.]

oh? if all you wanted me was for me to call you baby, you should've fucking asked dickhe

[Oh, whoops, he'll be fixing that in the next message-]

i mean

baby 😚💋

[Robert, much to Flambae's annoyance, does come up in passing. He immediately forces down any residual emotions that come with the thought of him, as the opportunity to roast whoever the hell this may be is too good of one to let go!]

well, first of all, you could be anybody

literally

i could walk into a trader joes and there'd be 10, no!!! 20!!!!! of you

[The low resolution photos do not capture the freckles and the deep brown of Robert's eyes, but wait a minute.

The beard is patchy in a very familiar... Hodgepodge, kind of way. No.

Robert is straight, isn't he?]

hmmmmm

[He pauses on the scars. Oh, that's where they've met- They've probably traded blows. This guy is some sort of brawler, small but scrappy.

Robert is straight, isn't he?!]

have you been with other men before?

no offense but you sound kind of like a newbie

you also started this conversation with something other than pictures of your dick, but, hey i guess you could say that was, mm

[ROBERTISSTRAIGHTISN'tHE????????????????]

refreshing?

[What Flambae really, really wants to ask is:]

~~so you're some kind of fucking romantic?~~

[He types the words but erases them almost immediately without hitting send.]

Edited 2025-12-14 05:37 (UTC)

Right.

[ he can see that almost dickhead you put in there.

More importantly!! Robert flips over to the pictures he'd put on his profile. He didn't feel up to just putting his dick out there, but he'd tried at least to ... appear normal? Or whatever the equivalent of people who go on this app is. He's too thin and his body is covered in scars and bruises, but he still goes to the gym and sort of takes care of himself. ]

I thought sending a dick pic first thing was what douchebags did?

[ Or is that just sending unwarranted dick pics to ladies that's taboo? To him it seems tacky either way but maybe someone like Flambae is into that? Never mind that it's like the whole point of Grindr in the first place. Whatever. ]

I don't think you'd recognize me by my dick any more than you can by the rest of me. Since you haven't seen it.

Anyway, my body's not that boring. Trader Joe's level boring... Come on.

[ Also yes he is deliberately not answering the comment about whether he's been with a guy before or not. ]

if you've only dated women, maybe

in case you haven't noticed [why did he feel the urge to say bob-bob???? this mistake in particular feels extremely robert robertson core]

the pictures on this app are mostly junk, ass, and hole

[Wait a minute. If this guy hadn't perused the app all that thoroughly, had he seen Flambae's pictures and just stopped there?

That's actually wildly flattering. Enough to make Flambae's cheeks turn red, although he will blame the heat of the bath. And all of the pink dye from the bath bomb... Even if his head never went underwater.]

eh, sure, the scars are kind of sexy but

they mostly make me feel bad for you

why? you looking for some kind of booboo kisser?

Edited 2025-12-14 06:10 (UTC)

So what you're saying is you want to see my dick.

[ he's still not going to answer one way or the other!! He doesn't know why, exactly, it just feels ... best. Actually no, he knows it's because it's none of Flambae's business, that's all!

Unfortunately(?) it seems they're kind of on the same wavelength, as a few moments later he sends this message: ]

I really didn't come on this app to see a hundred other guys' penises. And before you call me a dumbass, yes I know that's what the app is actually for.

[ Listen just, don't talk to him about it. Yet Flambae has been weirdly (endearingly?) open even if his texting style is obnoxious as fuck. Robert can reciprocate that at the very least. He wants to try. And so he continues, despite everything. ]

Don't feel bad. I earned them. Sometimes I deserved them.
And no, that's not what I was looking for at all. Why, do you want to kiss them better?

[ This is Robert's style of flirting. Jokingly coming onto him but also kind of serious about it. ]

well of course

what if it looks like it's wearing a funny little sweater? is it more like something you'd get at the gap, or ralph lauren? inquiring minds would like to know

[Why did he feel like saying "Robert?"

He just won't think about it. Robert is straight, Robert is straight, and hopefully none of the other clowns at work will catch him muttering the phrase when he's changing in the locker room tomorrow.

Besides, it's not like Robert has ever bothered to flirt with him, not really. Not for anything other than yet another humiliating joke.]

maybe yes, maybe no

you could also use a hell of a lot more moisturizer.

perhaps one day

in the future

i can apply some for you

[Ugh, that felt a touch vulnerable, but... Fun.]

you said some bullshit about romance earlier?

[Flambae is doing his best to keep the vibe casual, even though the question that follows is frighteningly intimate.]

what kind of love do you want?

Edited 2025-12-14 06:56 (UTC)

Jesus Christ.

[ He doesn't know what he was expecting. Still, he's kind of laughing at the answer, or at the very least grinning at his phone screen in the dark like a freak. This is just further proof that Flambae is just always unapologetically himself. Robert kind of digs that.

Work is going to be really interesting tomorrow. ]

If that's the case, I'm going to need some recommendations.

So, yeah. Maybe one day. In the future.

[ Flambae is feeling vulnerable about it, Robert is feeling ... a little corny? Damn, he really is bad with all this. Yet he hasn't been kicked to the curb exactly so he must be doing something kind of alright. It's weird how he feels kind of thrilled about that. Or maybe not weird, it's just that Robert is not being totally honest with his own vulnerable feelings. ]

Yeah, I guess I did. But I'm not sure I know the answer to that yet. I told you I haven't done this in a while, remember? I appreciate your honesty though, even if you are sometimes a complete jackoff about it. And uh your pics are pretty nice too.

ah, haha! okkkkk

i see, i think i get it now

you are one of those men aren't you

the silly jackoffs who are like oh!!!! i will only use ONE product for my hair, face, AND body

[He says this, despite the fact that the message that follows is simply a link to a credible list of body lotions recommended by dermatologists, all of them unscented and some of them including more high impact ingredients like retinol. Very few are fancy or expensive, with the vast majority being drugstore brands.]

and then you have the audacity to go shitting around and say "hah? why is my ballsack itchy today?" oOOOOhHHH!!! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ I dUnNo

[The note about love makes his heart sink. Ugh, he should probably stop and get out of this bath, especially because Flambae's skin is getting all prune-y.]

what part of them did you like?

the pictures

you didn't say

i'm pretty sure you can see my balls in at least one of them

is that your favorite? c'mon c'mon

Edited 2025-12-14 07:17 (UTC)

[ There are a couple of ways he can answer that first bit, including something like "I'm fucking broke" or "What's wrong with an all in one" but at the last second he decides that that probably isn't going to impress anybody. ]

Okay. Thanks for the advice.

[ Most of it means very little to him, but hey maybe he'll go check out the nearest CVS after work sometime. He probably won't, he needs a lot more to get him to actually start taking that kind of care of himself, but the thought is nice right. ]

And the concern for my balls.

[ Because if Flambae is going to be weird about it, then Robert will just send it right back. Though he is regretting saying that he liked the pics a little. Why does he keep making decisions like this that he knows will get him a stupid response? Ah well. Somehow he manages to sigh and smile fondly as he types at the same time. ]

Speaking of, what's up with you and balls anyway, you weird fuck? Why would that be my favorite? I think that's YOUR favorite part. Maybe you can find out sometime what I like. Does that even remotely interest you or is fucking around in your DMs like this enough to get you off

[Oh! In response to that Robert will get a very quick, very to the point answer:]

is it such a crime?

to want to know what actually interests you about me

you fucking jerk

[And then, after finally getting up out of the water and drying himself off-]

do you think we will see each other tomorrow

[Flambae doesn't dignify that with a question mark because he's mad...]

if you have some sort of schoolboy crush on me, tell me to my flawless fucking face

i promise not to

er

immediately incinerate you

i think

because i will remember this conversation

Whoa, hey. No it's not a crime. I'm sorry.

[ damn he didn't know Flambae was actually that sensitive about something like that. Is Robert the bad guy now? ]

A lot of things about you interest me. But I guess you mean the physical stuff? For one thing, you're tall, muscular. Even that missing tooth of yours is oddly charming.

[ Yeah okay he knows that that is kind of his fault (It's really Flambae's but he helped), and the missing fingers are his fault, and he has some feelings about that. But what's more surprising than any of that is how he's come to care about this actual idiot. How he finds his eyes trailing over to him more often than they used to. How teasing the hell out of him makes him feel a lot of other things besides smug.

Ugh, but that's so ...

Well, they can talk about it later if it comes up. ]

You'll see me soon. And not incinerating me is greatly appreciated.

Sleep well.

[ Brother he is logging OFF and thinking about his life choices while he sleeps in his shitty chair. ]

[”A lot of things about you interest me. I guess you mean the physical stuff?”

Oh, he’s one of the vainest creatures to ever exist, right up there between peacocks and fucking Narcissus, but the implication that someone who is almost certainly fucking Robert is interested in him for more than just his looks is going to drive him crazier than any other dirty, nasty message he gets tonight on this stupid application. Who else would have the gall, the sheer audacity, to mention an insecurity so innocently as something cute?!?!?!?! ROBERT COULD POSSIBLY NOT BE STRAIGHT?!?!?!?! Has that gremlin in a headset actually been staring at his ass the whole time like he has (maybe not so secretly) been hoping… The floodgates have been opened.

Sure he gets sleep, a little- But it is not at all comfortable. He decides to fly the fuck to work today since his car is in the shop, and for once, he beelines to the lockers, rushing past all his coworkers and trying to desperately avoid conversation.

Flambae is not one to usually set up shop at work. His hair has to be perfect and any subtle alterations or cleaning of the suit are done each night personally, with the exception of weekends, where he actually gets that shit properly drycleaned. If he ever showers at work, it’s only to get blood and grime and the stench of crime fighting off of him, especially since the chlorine makes his naturally wavy hair frizzy. If he wanted to time travel back to the seventies, there are underground supervillain channels for that.

So while his coworkers are showering or changing, he is staring into the abyss of his fairly empty locker like a freak, hoping this will all blow over. What if he’s wrong? What if the guy from last night isn’t Robert and just some rando barista who sounds like him?

For whatever reason, the last thought really stings. After months of feeling like he had no fucking chance with the man, Flambae had finally gotten his hopes up.]

[ In a way, this is kind of— no, absolutely— like a stupid schoolboy crush. Robert is pretty sure he hasn't approached a relationship with another human being since he was a schoolboy. But it's also kind of ... refreshing? His life has been getting vengeance for his dad and being Mecha Man, and keeping Mecha Man alive, and now he really is existing outside of that. Maybe even he's doing something for himself for the first time.

Somehow he managed to reflect enough on things like that in his uncomfortable plastic chair and he's in something of a good mood when he arrives at SDN the next day. He feels even a little...optimistic? Like maybe he won't be incinerated before lunch.

Speak of the devil, he walks into the locker room to find Flambae just ... well, he's staring like an idiot into nothing and Robert has to bring a hand up over his mouth to stop himself from grinning or letting out a laugh. Rough night for him, apparently. Good. It means their conversation had at least some sort of effect beyond their normal "I hate you" back and forths. ]

Morning. [ He tries with some tactful caution, pausing nearby Flambae on the way to his own locker. ]

Slow start?

Edited (MY HTML....) 2025-12-14 19:37 (UTC)

[Oh. Speak of the silver tongued devil.

Like a cartoon villain from a different era entirely, Flambae does a slow turn as he intimidatingly glowers at Robert. He says nothing at first, wanting to win at the game of silent eye-chicken for a few seconds before entertaining Mecha-dick with any cohesive kind of response.]

Yes.

[How the hell did he miss it? It was the lack of the voice and that infuriating holier-than-thou tone. Another unfamiliar element was feeling like he had finally had the upper hand in a conversation between the two of them…

God, those pictures were such a fucking shame. Robert’s eyes are not a remarkable color, but they are pretty. Something about the round shape and kindness to them.

The freckles over his nose and cheeks only make everything worse.]

How can I…

[He lets out a slow growl. Flambae’s nostrils are flaring like a bull’s, and the comic contrast between sheer rage and polite verbiage are laughable tbh.]

Help you, Bobby-boy?

[he is summoning all his core strength rn bc that is what it is taking not to say bitch]

Edited 2025-12-14 20:04 (UTC)

[ Robert was just going to keep on going and carry the conversation (if there was one) on casually, but the slow villain turn gets him to pause, eyebrows lifting almost right up into his hairline. Okay, that's an interesting response. Maybe their grindr conversation really did hit Flambae less like a feather duster and more like a freight train. He's only a little sorry in that case. He doesn't want to hurt him, just ... ease into this the only way he can really think of based on his lack of experience and their antagonistic riffing. ]

Looks to me like you're the one who needs help.

[ He answers after a moment to collect his thoughts, trying to hide the heavy breath that he lets out, like it's all the nerves bundled up in his chest.

This is important. On many levels. One, because he's serious about seeing where this goes. Two, because his life is literally on the line.

He walks over to a locker. Even though he appears not to wear clothing like a normal person and just showed up in his work clothes, there's a little time for a workout before dispatching gets started. So maybe he's changing into his gym clothes. He pauses though, running over things in his mind briefly before he just... goes for it.

Flambae probably knows it's him, just judging by the way he's been acting. So it makes sense not to drag it on. That would just be a little fucked up. So ... ]

Listening to any Rihanna lately?

As a matter of fact, yes.

[An absolute lie.

Flambae was listening to SZA’s most recent deluxe album while he was having trouble sleeping. Something about their closeness in age and the humiliating vulnerability of being imperfect and attracted to elements of danger in relationships really hits home with him.

Oh well, at least he knows Rihanna’s discography pretty well by now.]

I was just thinking about how we, super heroes, can do nothing to stop the crime that miss Rihanna has committed against the general public by never making any music after that banger of a last album. I mean, honestly, what the fuck?

[He slams the door of his locker shut, and saunters over to Robert, closing his eyes and turning his nose to the sky. As much as he pretends that jab referring to his potential status as a hot mess does not sting, his fury is evident.]

Whatever. I wish BadGal RiRi, that gorgeous man of hers, and her two very beautiful babies a fabulous life together.

[That is probably the nicest thing he has ever said about anybody between these walls and it is a comment about a billionaire that he has never met, smh.

Flambae leans one shoulder against the wall near Robert, looking him up and down but not as obviously as a certain invisible pottymouth. He puffs out his chest and fiddles a little with his hair before making direct eye contact, those bright orange eyes of razor focused. They are close enough for the tiny flames burning within them to be evident.

For once, they don’t seem angry. His thin lips and steady brows are bitchily nonchalant as ever, but the nervous excitement in that look of his is a dead giveaway.

He keeps his voice cool and monotone.]

You got anything else you wanna say to me?

Edited 2025-12-14 22:29 (UTC)

[ Robert pauses again (he's really not invested in getting... divested), though he doesn't turn to look at Flambae again just yet. It's just a subtle tensing before he continues, slipping a button out of its loop on his SDN uniform shirt. Okay, confirmed. Flambae figured out that he's "rriii". Honestly, that's a win for him and his 1 intellect, Robert sees that now.

As he's thinking over these things, the other man is just going on about Rihanna something or other, shit that Robert doesn't actually know or care about. Did Mecha Man need to jump in and save her at some point? No? Then he's uninvolved. But he does give some little hums of acknowledgment like he's at least sort of paying attention. It's the acknowledgment that matters.

Only when he sees movement does he turn a bit to face Flambae as the guy leans up against the wall. Yes, he can practically feel the flames in those eyes let alone see them. It feels like there's something hard (not that) in his throat that he needs to swallow down (again, not that). He has nerves of his own, but he likes to think he's mastered the art of keeping people guessing with listless expressions.

And yes, he is stuck staring at Flambae's chest when he breaks eye contact but that's because everyone at SDN is way too fucking large and that happens to be where his line of sight is. And also because he did say he liked the muscles. ]

That depends. Are you going to get the hint? [ His lip curls up a little in something of a challenging scowl. But it softens much, much quicker than it normally would have. He told himself he wasn't going to string Flambae along. So he'll continue. ] You know my initials are R.R. and the Roman numeral 3 right. Everyone knows this. I just —

Yeah, okay. That was me.

[ He feels defeated and terrified and triumphant at the same time. It's fucking weird. But now he's deliberately not moving his eyes away from Flambae's chest. Those flames could be roaring by now and he'd rather they just take him out quickly than give him time to see it coming. ]

Okay, so… When you crinkle up like a little french fry that hit the street instead of the trash bin it… It is not very cute.

[it is actually very cute he wants to pick him up and squeeze him but then also set him on fire]

How was I supposed to know you were into dudes?

[Seeing Robert so strung out and down on his lucks sucks actually.

Flambae can’t even look at him, when only a few months ago, he probably would’ve reveled in his misery.]

I’ve never seen you at a gay bar. That and your, eh, whole…

[He gestures to Robert’s gym outfit.]

Basic sad bitch vibe is very unfabulous, but~!

Who knows, maybe you clean up nicely at dinner or something.

[what a fucking tsundere]

Look, I’m asking you out because I don’t want to watch you cry into your lukewarm chicken noodle soup or whatever the fuck you’ve been eating lately.

It’s disgusting, and your snotty tears would only make that shitty scene even more miserable, for me specifically…

[He shouldn’t insult him further but he can’t resist-]

How long has it been since you’ve had someone cook for you?

Edited 2025-12-15 00:43 (UTC)

[ The sudden rush of judgment and questions snaps him out of his own head for a moment, his eyes finally lifting to meet Flambae's. ]

You've never seen me anywhere outside of work because [ because he only ever worked until recently. Because they were on opposite sides until recently. ] — because we weren't exactly part of the same social circles.

[ That's a really logical answer when Robert feels anything but. He's still kind of nervous, but he feels relieved too, that it's out in the open now. There's a third emotion in it though and that's that he's indignant. He confessed and what does he get, a bunch of insults about his crummy little life? He'd almost rather be set on fire. ]

Okay, fuck off already. [ he slaps his locker shut. The gym outfit definitely isn't happening now. It's SDN uniform all the way. And he's about to launch into a "ACTUALLY, I AM NORMAL" speech when a realization blindsides him again and suddenly everything makes even less sense than it did before. Which is wild, because it made zero sense. ]

Is that — you're asking me out. Like that. Wow, how attractive, I'm swooning right now Flambae, really.

[ And yet. A smile is just barely tugging on the corner of his lips.

Maybe they're both intellect 1 actually. ]

I accept. Good luck getting through the shift with that on your mind.

[ And he starts... to walk away??? ]

Hey, hey, hey! That is because you never had the balls to ask me, Flambae, okay!

[Oh, there's no way in hell he is letting Mechadick get in the last barb.

Flambae reaches out to grab Robert's arm, although he stops himself mid-stretch. What if he hurts him? He'll only muddle the circumstances more. God, so he wasn't crazy for thinking their banter had gotten flirtier from Robert's side ever since the whole Shroud fiasco, no!!! There are too many thoughts on his mind right now, so he will simply continue to scream-]

I do not have your number, or any of your allergies, so if you think whatever the fuck I end up making was meant to kill you, just KNOW-

[not him snarling like some carnivorous mammal again]

That if I ever wanted to do that, I would do it with my bare hands, like a reaaaaal man!

[please do not witness how embarrassing it is that he is literally running after robbo but... he has to get in this last bit of information-]

If you are free tomorrow after work, I will pick you up at your dinky little Robert-sized hole [he means apartment] and walk you.

[The interior decorating in his apartment is immaculate, but his neighborhood is not the nicest. It's not exactly safe, especially if Robert is planning on walking around without the suit. In spite of Flambae's vicious behavior, he does not want his ~~infuriatingly handsome~~ dispatcher accruing an even larger number of scars on his body.]

What, but I just told you— [ Robert stops even without Flambae grabbing onto him. Because neither of them can let the other go with the last word apparently, especially when the last word is shit! ]

Okay. Nevermind. Fuck. [ just yelling back and forth isn't going to really do anything or prove anything at all. And it's infuriating how weirdly sweet it is that Flambae's just asking him about his allergies in the middle of all the shit bubbling out of his mouth. He really is going to cook for Robert isn't he? Seriously, no one's ever done that.

The urge to insist he can walk himself or take a cab is strong, but he can also see that this is a ... gesture. So he'll make one too. ]

Wait just a minute.

[ And he's scurrying off before Flambae can stop him with his hands or words or anything else. True to his word though he's back immediately with a pen in his hand. He reaches for Flambae's and scrapes his number onto his palm with the ink. ]

"Robert-sized hole" isn't coming off the way you want it to, by the way. [ with his handiwork complete, he steps back. And smiles. ] Tomorrow it is.

[Perhaps it's telling how quiet Flambae actually gets when he's touched, offering Robert no resistance at all. Instead he allows his hand to limply be drawn on in silence, focusing on the numbers and committing them to memory, just in case the ink smudges before he can get a chance to add the digits to his phone.

There's so many feelings he's denied or buried for the sake of his own fragile ego, and yet he can't help but continue to fuck up his lovelife or let the wrong idiots from the club into his heart or his home, so why not gamble with the highest stakes possible.

Robert's fingers are rough as to be expected. Why is it that despite that, it seems so easy for him to be kind when he's trying? God, it makes the loss of fingers to him that much more embarrassing.

The joke gets a wry chuckle out of him, because, hey, that was funny.

Flambae pulls his hand back, flashing one of those trademark wicked smiles. This time, he does look pleased. Still sneering (but with.... delight??? how does one describe this), he lets out a:]

Cool! I'll see you later.

[Also because he's a fucking asshole-]

You better look nice.

Edited 2025-12-15 03:29 (UTC)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

CALL ME OUT

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ok this is very nsfw but ig that has been all of this

thread taking place on grindr app: this could maybe be nsfw

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I do not even have the icon made to express how goddamn insane he is feeling

he deserves to feel a little insane

after all the havoc he’s wreaked yes he does

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this is a shakespearean comedy where both tsunderes want to be wooed bu

shakespearean tragicomedy

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