CALL ME OUT

[bootyhunter]

CALL ME OUT:

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Currently writing Dandy (Space Dandy) / Rex Splode (Invincible) / and Simon Laurent (Infinity Train)

bootyhunter / himbomb / incelligent



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*Note: Sakamoto Tatsuma (Gintama) kaihentai and Asher Millstone (How to Get Away With Murder) moneyballer available on request



Also voicetesting Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc) googlybear / Eddy (Ed, Edd, n' Eddy) edboy / Reagan Ridley (Inside Job) madcryentist / Abdul Ali (Squid Game) aitbaar / Portia Davenport (Search Party) portialain / Elliot Goss (Search Party) confabulous / Fleabag (Fleabag) feminitwit / Johnny Bravo (Johny Bravo) pretteh / and Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) screechy

Comments

[incinerhater]

[He lets that spark fly, containing himself quickly and swiftly before any of his beloved bedroom fixtures catch fire, staring Robert down with a look of real surprise.]

Oh, you mean...

[Flambae recalls a conversation that he and Prism had been having at a bar a few weekends ago. Something about how a homecooked dinner and a good blowjob (his opinion) should be a surefire way to secure a second date with a dude, he just wasn't expecting to be right tonight of all nights. Truly, he had never anticipated getting this far with Robert, especially without consuming copious amounts of alcohol. What he had predicted was a bit of quippy chit-chat and some good company, thinking that Robert was more in need of a balanced meal than anything else, and that his beloved dispatcher would have politely thanked him and gone home with a better understanding of his fiery teammate, and vice versa.

Perhaps it is surprising that Flambae considers his words carefully. It is not them being nude that makes him feel so exposed, but the fact that he feels he finally understands the man behind the mask to a certain degree. This is a rookie move, isn't it? Women don't jump into things this quickly either, do they? Not in this dating landscape.]

Robert, I...

[He's never been in a serious relationship, has he.

The empty-ass apartment. The fucking fatass of a dog... Who does not look to be that old actually, that's white around the muzzle, not grey?! His estrangement from who appears to be a very kind and actually well-intentioned father figure, all the scars and the bruises-]

You won't even let me hold you.

You should know, that... If you are going to be my man?

[There's something peculiar about the way Flambae carries himself in this moment. He is serious, but oddly understated. The manner in which his voice changes suggests that he is being firm, but tender.

In a way he has never been in front of the others. Not openly, and certainly not on air.]

I am going to do a lot more for you than just that.

Do you have any idea what you are fucking on about?

[He isn't mocking him.

For Flambae, this is serious.]

I don't even know what kind of music you like.

[He sounds bewildered. bro u have caught him so off guard he can't even be angry.]

Do you even know my real name? I don't think we have ever-

[Talked about it.]

[bobbob]

[ That first interjection Robert is not even going to grace with a response. He has not been fucking around on the Z-team even if several of them are horny for him (and only some are obvious).

The rest takes him a moment to process. Or at least try to process? He doesn't really understand what's happening at the moment. It feels a little bit like rejection, but he is also aware that he may have just been misunderstood. In his efforts to let Flambae know that this wasn't just some sex thing with no meaning, maybe he came off as too desperate or something.

He's totally not desperate, he wasn't even looking for a relationship! This all just sort of happened and now he doesn't know how to deal with emotions that aren't basically sarcasm, vengeance, and exhaustion.

It makes him feel kind of sad. And then he's a little mad. ]

Do you even know what I'm on about?

[ Because he has his doubts about that too. ]

First of all, Phenomaman holds me like that frequently, so I didn't think that was integral to going steady with you. Secondly—

[ He stops and pauses, lets out a breath, then continues like he's giving the Z-Team a pep talk/trying to explain in a way they understand. ]

I'm not asking to move in with you. I'm saying that ... I'd like to get to know you. Your name, for starters? And if it happens to work out ... cool.

[ He starts feeling silly again, folding his arms in over his bare chest like that's going to leave him less exposed or cover up all the bruises and such. ]

Is that ... not okay? If this was just a one time thing, I can deal with that.

[ It would sting a bit, but he'd definitely get over it. Sometime. By throwing himself into work again and only having deep conversations with Beef. Don't worry about it. ]

For fuck's sake, we're not in middle school, I'm just saying that I like you. In a possibly romantically inclined sense. Obviously. Since I'm naked in your bedroom right now. Trying to ask you out. Properly.

[ And he wants to bury himself under a pile of rubble. ]

[incinerhater]

[The statement about Phenomaman would warrant an incredulous outburst at any other given time, but now he's too focused on how timid Robert looks. The guy's been kicked around and clowned in front of the Z-team and tne entire city, and yet Flambae cannot remember another time he has looked so damn small.

Oh.

He practically rushes to Robert's "rescue," immediately taking care to place warm hands around both shoulders, rubbing them and cooing even, shaking his head in a way that's strangely comforting.]

No.

[Flambae's voice is quiet and steady. He has not used this tone with Robert before, as it's reserved for the people closest to him. On the Z-team, he's really only spoken this earnestly with Prism, and that is always in private and on her worst days. She may be openly abrasive over the intercom, but she too is a private person, and needs to be comforted in a very specific and tender manner. It is something he is capable of, but not a part of himself that he will share with just anyone.

He wants to kiss Robert so badly, but he fights the urge, as it will do no good. Winning the trust back is important, as this is clearly a vulnerable moment for him. Whether it's in the Mech or on the headset, he's so steadfast in arming himself with witty insults or a devil-may-care attitude, it's heartbreaking to see him crumple like this and end up in such a state.]

I do not think I did.

[Flambae is realizing his own feelings in this moment.

It's him who is desperately in search of the serious relationship, but he's been around the block and back again more times than he'd like. The apps have left him wanting more, yearning for a real and consistent connection, something closer to what he had in his youth and without the instability.

He bends over to cup Robert's cheek again, looking him in the eyes gently.

It takes him a few seconds to say the words, but they come eventually.]

I, Flambae, who is also sometimes known as Chad-

[Remember when he said he could be gentle... ASLKDJFAKSJDF]

Am just worried about you. And if you spend more time with me, I will worry about you... A lot.

You know?

Are you sure that is something you want?

[bobbob]

[ He honestly hates that he feels so small right now too. The thought that he'd had all of this so wrong is actually kind of killing him. Thankfully, warm hands on his shoulders do ground him a little before he crashes out (as the youths say) completely.

Of course he didn't know that Flambae- Chad- was capable of such a tone. Robert had already thought he was sort of getting the hang of how to tell when the dramatic supervillain-slash-hero is being serious and when he's just being exaggerated and stupid. This is unexpected though! In fact he blinks a couple of times somewhat stupidly himself. He doesn't want to be pitied but he does want to be taken seriously. So it's nice.

Is that something he wants, someone worrying about him? He does kind of already have Chase and honestly? It's a nice feeling, after so long of being without it. Sometimes it seems unnecessary or he gets indignant because he's lived this powerless life full of expectations and legacies and so on, but at the end of the day... He's really happy with the kind of life he's got right now. So it definitely seems like it's worth a shot to let someone be worried about him. As long as he can worry about them in return. And not just that but hold them and let them hold him. Laugh with them, maybe wrestle around their bedroom with them. ]

Hi, Chad. It's good to finally meet you.

[ He replies this in an even tone first and foremost, because it seems important to him to acknowledge a person's identity in such a way. ]

And I'm ... willing to find out? I don't know if I can answer any other way right now.

[ Because it's not something he's used to, and he barely even knew how to approach any of this outside of wanting to make out with Flambae's dumb toothless face like a man starved, so of course he doesn't know exactly what he's doing on an even deeper level. But he really does think he wants to try. ]

But if that's okay with you, then ...

[incinerhater]

[He nods, continuing to stay close to Robert and watching him carefully. The honesty is appreciated, and while he acknowledges the mention of his real identity with a gap-toothed smile, he is somehow relieved that his very stupid birth name is not the central piece of this conversation right now.]

Yeah! Fuck yeah, it’s okay with me. Very cool, actually…

[i hate his dumb ass so much honestly]

But, if you are going to be with me in any capacity, I am going to cook and clean for you.

[Flambae has some pretty strong feelings about the role he plays in the lives of potential partners. A person’s person is a direct reflection of themselves, and Flambae sees it as his responsibility to keep his man happy and healthy, perhaps to a worrying degree.]

I have the little one on Thursdays, so that is the only day you cannot sleep over, unfortunately…

[He says that, but it’s so clear he loves her.]

But any other time? You are welcome to stay.

[See, isn’t this nice-]

I’ve seen that busted ass chair you sleep on! And the, ah, crazy huge bags under your eyes, so~! I think we can both agree that very unstable four-legged thing isn’t letting you get much beauty sleep.

[He’d rather Robert get a good night’s sleep, fucking disaster bisexual man.]

Besides, if anyone is going to be blowing your back out, I’d rather it be me.

[why is he saying that so nonchalantly]

How does that sound to you, Bobberto?

[He puts two fingers up in a ridiculous peace sign.]

Does this shit seem so very deuces, or what?

[bobbob]

It is?

[ Why does he sound so surprised about it, why does he hate how surprised he sounds about it? But he's relieved too, which is also "???". God, is he really this out of whack with personal relationships? (He is.)

For a moment he simply stands back (well. stands...he's against the wall so it's not like he has much room to go anywhere) and listens to Flambae speak. His niece again, he must really love her— and he has no intention of messing that sweet relationship up. But for all he tried to assure Chad that he wasn't trying to propose to him, now he wants Robert to just come over and sleep here all the time? Wh-

Well, the chair is actually fine for him but he wouldn't mind a real bed again once in a while.

A real bed to ... apparently get his back blown out in. Great.

The first thing he addresses though is the deuces. It's giving very "you're donezo" vibes. ]

Why are you saying it like that?

[ But he says it in a way that can only be interpreted as fondness and amusement. Flambae ... is such a fascinating man. Robert's always known this of course, but now he gets to actually see every which way that he is. ]

Anyway. I think that sounds fine.

[ He doesn't actually know how often he will choose on his own to stay over, but the invitation alone means a great deal to him. All of this, somehow, means a lot. ]

[incinerhater]

Fine? Fine is what you say after getting dumped or having your ass waxed. "Oooooh, oh my god! That is ~*fiiine*~!"

[He will even wiggle his own high as fuck muscley extremely tight ass whimsically to lighten the mood. Robert likes to tease, so why can't he? Uh... bc it is way too damn much, freako...]

Aaaand, I dunno!

[Flambae watches Robert curiously. Usually, he'd be a little hurt, met with nonchalance of that variety after offering something so intimate so casually, but...

He tilts his head, taking Robert in. Sex has a way of complicating things for most people, but for this particular fire starter, it is often what begins to make things interesting. He hardly ever has context for his flings or potential partners, often meeting them on the apps or in bars. Whatever peeks he gets into their lives are earned and often fairly limited, and it can be difficult to tell what is real and what isn't.

He had so much information in this case, and somehow Robert had still surprised him. The other man has also just had a scare, so Flambae assumes he'll have to change his tactics a bit, do a little bit of roleplaying, be the Tom to Robert's Jerry... God, if he finds cartoon mice sexy after this he's running straight into moving traffic-]

I was trying to reduce the absolutely rancid vibes that were up in here just a few seconds ago, so... What else am I supposed to say? Merry Christmas? Happy birthday?

[He moves in closer, propping his elbow against the bathroom cabinet.]

You look better naked?

[bobbob]

Not me.

[ For one thing, he's not about to get his ass waxed. ]

I meant fine as in, it's a good plan and I like it.

[ He raises a brow, inviting Flambae to challenge that further. He's not one to sugarcoat his feelings, but he is still far from nonchalant in his mind. Just minutes ago his heart was doing an impressive amount of acrobatics, and his mind has been doing that the entire evening.

He didn't think the vibes had been rancid, just a bit uncertain. Rejection seemed inevitable, and it felt pretty bad! But now he's happy. Excited even. ]

You don't have to say anything. [ Sometimes it's better when Flambae doesn't, in fact. Robert huffs softly, looking up at the stupidly tall ball of flame. He is genuinely not sure that he does look better without his clothes on. Like, he knows what's all there on display.

But anyway.

He doesn't want to argue or anything, and he's pretty sure that Flambae doesn't actually know what deuces means, so should he bother explaining? As long as he doesn't go around saying that to everyone he meets... ]

You could stop expecting me to fuck up your day any second now and just take me back to bed instead.

[ Or kiss him. Or let him put on some pants. Any of the above sounds acceptable to Robert. ] Just saying.

cw: 2 yaoi

[incinerhater]

[The truth is that he does mean it, petty jabs and shitty barbs aside. Any potshots he takes at Robert are just that, a cover, a ruse, a way for him to pretend that he doesn't like him as much as he does.

Robert looks better naked. At first glance, he isn't the kind of man who stands out in a crowd, unless one really focuses. There's the chipped ear and the scars that are apparent if his shirt stays unbuttoned, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. The freckles on his face extend all over, truly all over, a detail that will ruin Flambae's life as he stews about them on shift tomorrow. It's so strange, he's the perfect combination of oddly comfortable in his skin and yet so stupidly oblivious to his own charms or sadness.

And that's the worst of it, that Robert's clear desire for human connection and lack of ability to care properly for himself leaves a window wide open for Flambae to occupy. He's a big personality, a brute and a hothead, someone so bold and bright that it would seem he doesn't fit in anywhere.

This is something he's come to embrace now, but as a child, it had driven him to some of the darkest places. To describe him as alone now would be misleading, he isn't, Flambae has family and friends, but...

Love is something he loves, whether that's a good idea or not.]

I'm not, I-

[Flambae comes closer, despite being so frightened, silently hoping he doesn't self sabotage this time. His heart is pounding- So Robert really does want to be dragged back to bed again, or was that one of his sly attempts at a shitty joke?

He comes closer, looking so tender and so scared, but for a brief set of seconds, there's a brightness to those fiery eyes, an almost child-like excitement. He's letting himself appear hopeful for the first time in god knows how long, so before the moment passes, he'll lean in to kiss Robert again, this time closing the gap between them. Wordlessly, he'll pick Robert up again, lifting him off the ground and holding him like some sort of idiot prince, traipsing right off to bed again.

Flambae isn't really thinking much.

It's just nice after so long to finally feel like he has a shot, even if there's nothing real about it.

When he lays Robert on the sheets again, Flambae is a little more careful as he climbs on top of him, straddling the shorter man with both legs. Fuck, this feels way better now that they're both naked. God, he's so warm-]

Uh...

Okay.

[bobbob]

[ Both of them are sincere, both of them are also just kind of bad at parts of this for very different reasons. Robert is kinda starting to see this, slowly but surely. In a way though it's kind of nice, knowing that Flambae is right here with him so he doesn't feel completely idiotic all on his own.

It's new to have his physical appearance minded the way Flambae does. Most people will take note of his ear or if they happen to see his scars, but they seldom say anything because it's too awkward to admit they were staring. Too personal to ask questions or express concern. Chase occasionally makes comments about how he's too skinny or how he gets himself hurt for a thankless job. But he's not attracted to Robert, that's completely different. Suddenly Robert has to actually think about what he looks like.

He's not ashamed or too shy, but it is very, very strange to be more conscious of it in a way that's not just related to his exercise regime.

Looking up to Flambae in return still, he wonders if he should say his name. His superhero name? Or his actual name. It's just startling to see those flickers of various emotions pass by that fiery gaze when just a very short time ago Robert wasn't even sure the man was capable of feeling them. Now, not only does he know he is, but he actually really cares about it a lot. That excitement is contagious. So is feeling scared. And the tenderness? It both warms his formerly idling heart and weighs it down with some kind of grief he can't explain. He's not going to try to, either. It's something to do with that very same yearning for connection and not at all anything Flambae is to blame for, so he wouldn't want him to think it is.

It could be that Robert's comment about bed was both of those things: a sly attempt at a dumb joke but also something he wants. At any rate, he is pleased to be kissed again, even standing more on the fronts of his feet so he can lean up into it, tossing his arms up over those too-broad shoulders. He even lets himself be scooped up without a complaint or a comment about Phenomaman. Small progress.

The sort of shyness that Flambae is showing him though, even as he climbs over top of Robert, is so endearing it makes his heart hurt. Normally he might even tease or toss out one of those barbs they so love to fling at one another. Instead, he places a hand intently against Flambae's chest. His free arm goes behind himself to kind of prop himself up on the mattress. He smiles, and it's not even smarmy. ]

Okay?

[ An attempt is made to switch places with Flambae. Robert may not have superpowers or inhuman strength, but he's a strong guy. Still, there is gentleness in his motions, like he's encouraging the other man to swap with him and if he doesn't want to, he's not going to fight it. Whether he gets his way and ends up straddling over Flambae's hips instead, or is laid back down onto the sheets, he initiates the kiss this time, tiling his head just right so he can part his lips and make it deep. It is not as urgent and horny as the one out at the dinner table was, but it's still full of desire. And, dare he admit, affection. ]

[incinerhater]

[Meanwhile, Flambae is almost always conscious of how he looks, even and especially during sex. His flamboyant style and often revealing choice of clothes is an act of wordless protest against a world that seems too bland and intolerant. Why should he be made to feel like an outsider when he’s so fucking gorgeous, huh? Sometimes he feels that he spends his days among cretins bereft of the ability to understand that you can be a peace of art too.

In this moment, he isn’t thinking about any of that. Flambae is wide-eyed and sheepish, some strands of long hair in his face instead of pulled away from it. Oh? Tenderness? And from Robert of all people. Flambae would never admit that the bite from the other is something he does enjoy, even if it often drives him crazy, but softness?

The (rusty and often useless) gears in Flambae’s head are turning. Was he so bitter, so angry, because he knew their dispatcher had the capacity to be so kind without any blowback? No. It’s so nice, he only gets to share this sort of unabashed affection with his niece, and of course there’s the added layer of desire and adult intimacy here that makes things all the more tempting.

When Robert touches his chest, it’s as though he’s shoved his fingers inside him, reaching in and caressing a heart that’s beating quickly. Flambae is so surprised by how nice the gesture is, making nervous eye contact all the while, the words coming later.

Or, well, word.]

…Okay.

[Flambae preaches self acceptance loudly, and for the most part he has gotten there, but that doesn’t help on his worst days. His size and dangerous abilities don’t help him feel like less of a monster, and when he’s courted that’s usually the kind of freaky shit that people want, so he never gets to experience this kind of intimacy.

Shit. They’re going to make love tonight, aren’t they. Oh, this he was definitely unprepared for.

Whatever. He hasn’t been loved in years.

He allows Robert to get on too of him, looking up with a curious look in his eyes. Flambae loathes to admit it but it’s so nice that Robert is taking the reigns, so now he can relax a little, something he almost never does in the presence of others. He does gently rest his hands against both of Robert’s hips, mostly to steady him in place and ensure that he doesn’t slip and slide, closing his eyes and letting Robert kiss him as deeply as he ‘d like.

Those long legs of his curl around Robert’s body.

Fuck, this nice.]

[bobbob]

[ If Robert can catch Flambae off guard with some quip or clever comment, he knows he's going to have a good day. But this is not something he expected at all. Those wide eyes, how quiet he is, how some of his hair is out of place and he doesn't even seem to care about it. Part of Robert wonders if he's made a mistake. Maybe Flambae hates this, wants them to be actively fighting even while their dicks are hard.

But maybe he's just ... shockingly as starved for softer moments as Robert himself is. Flambae seems relatively unhinged at the best of times, wild and free and full of opinions— actually, you know what. Now it does make sense that the way his dispatcher is treating him right now is rewiring his brain. In that case, he doesn't feel like taking it back. ]

Okay.

[ He smirks a little, but it's a good natured one. Just, you know, he could go back and forth like this all day.

But he has other things to do, too. Like bending forward to kiss Flambae more, sliding his tongue out to tease Flambae's into tangling right up with it. A soft, pleased humming sound against their lips is the result of that. A warm shudder runs through him as legs are wrapped around him like he might otherwise fly away or something. It just feels... really nice to have skin on skin this way. Especially, somehow, when it's this particular man's skin?

Robert really doesn't know how they got here.

After getting a good fill of kisses to Flambae's mouth, he drags his lips to the stubble on his chin and jaw. Then to his throat, the Adam's apple and along the junction of neck and shoulder. He just wants to explore a little, find the spots that really make this candle of a man melt all before he even gets back to his cock. Though it might start to get hard to ignore when he feels certain things taking place. It's probably fine. He can hold onto the reins for as long as Flambae wants him to have them. ]

the yaoi police are gonna find me, they're gonna be like, blonde blazer would never talk like this

[incinerhater]

[He doesn't get to play nice with many people, despite being wholly capable of doing so, because it'd ruin the (bad) reputation he's so carefully (read: carelessly) built for himself. If anyone knew that a little sucking and not even fucking from this Grindr 5 was eliciting sounds like this from him in his own bedroom of all places, he'd be roasted. Cooked. Canned! Served on a humiliation platter like yet another spicy and moderately infamous homosexual D-lister.

And yet he can't help himself. His own childhood had been fraught with tepid restraint. It's not as though he's ever tried to play straight or pretend he was interested in anyone he wasn't, but the years spent without the ability to openly express interest in a man have left permanent burns on his psyche. Every stupid and slight reminder that he's in bed with another man, the stubble on stubble, the teeth grazing against his Adam's apple, and even a kiss that feels rougher and more possessive than maybe is warranted is enough to get him to moan and tangle his fingers in Robert's hair. He grips it hard, then releasing as he experiences a wash of mild regret, knowing full well he'll smell some bullshit "Alpine Alpha" scent in the men's haircare aisle and think of Robert's stupid smirk when they're apart. Awkwardly, he lets his fingers travel down and around the other man's neck and shoulders, feeling... Tenderness. Squishy tenderness, and there is nothing about this man that warrants that much squishing he is all skin and bone-]

Robert.

[Flambae growls, his tone growing more familiar.]

How many of these little shits are from lifting without a spot?!

[as irritating as it may be for him to be bringing this up during what is

definitely a sexual mishmashing of naked body parts in bed

it's a good thing probably, it means he cares enough to do so even if it ruins his chances of getting laid]

I thought I fucking told you already.

["Normies need babysitters-"]

I better not see any more of these tomorrow, you-

[He restrains the urge to say it, but it slips out anyway-]

Little bitch. If you want somebody to hurt you so badly, at least let me do it while I am jerking you off!

yaoi police are already at your door, WITH blazer as backup

[bobbob]

[ Robert wholly resents being thought of as a Grindr 5 but okay. The sounds make it worth it anyway. Who knew he could draw these out of Flambae so easily? Not Robert. He's actually having a really good time, moving his lips and teeth and tongue along toasty warm skin, but his name being spoken does get him to stop, a brow raising at the tone of Flambae's voice.

Ah, so he woke up from the stupor... ]

What?

[ He barely thinks of the bruises, new or old, since they just seem to be there all the damn time. So it takes him a moment of looking down at himself, and where Flambae has been poking at tender skin ...]

I highly doubt they're from that.

[ He really did mean it when he thanked his "babysitter", even if the bulk of the reason he said it was because it would throw Flambae off. The next look he gives is a bit unimpressed as he sits up properly (still on Flambae's lap. And you know, butt naked), folding his arms over his chest. Genuinely why does this man open his mouth? ]

Yes, calling me a little bitch sure gets me hot and bothered. You figured that one out.

[ In retaliation, he gyrates his hips purposefully, grinding his ass down against Flambae as if to remind the flaming hero that he chose this flat ass. He wants it. In fact, Robert is pretty sure he can list off a few things that the other man wants to do to it. So he can't go pretending now that none of this means anything.

Although it was oddly sweet of him to take notice of the bruises. So he gets some points back for that. ]

I don't think you could handle jerking me off right now.

[ Are they back to challenging each other instead of being soft? Maybe... ]

[incinerhater]

[Oh.

Flambae eagerly looks Robert up and down, sporting that crooked, cat-like grin that makes an appearance when he’s actually pleased. Intimate moments are more subtle with him, especially the pleasant ones. He prefers that they’re both naked, whether they actually get things going or not, as there’s no shame to be had here.]

Honestly at one point…

[It’s true, there’s a long list of disrespectful things that he’d like to do that ass, which is grinding against him quite nicely, so much so that he’ll move his hands to guide them.

Flambae’s lip curls upwards, revealing that stupid missing tooth as he basks in the pleasure of petty banter mixed with real skin to skin contact. He smiles, eyes-half lidded, aroused instead of angry.]

I was wondering if it did.

[Fuck.

He’ll close his eyes, tensing his muscles and arching upwards from the bed a little. It’s fine, he knows he looks good, and Robert can have his stupid treat.]

If you want another blowjob, don’t fucking cheat yourself-

[Are Robert’s balls bouncing up and down right now? Flambae will quickly dart his eyes towards them.

Oh they are. Cool, that’s nice.]

Idiot.

Don’t you need a little bit more time?

[bobbob]

It doesn't, for the record.

[ seriously, why does everyone call him a bitch? He's not a bitch. Despite the seriousness and truth of this, the corner of his lips quirk up into a smile. Not that Flambae is really looking at him right now, with his eyes closed the way they are.

And Robert doesn't know how to feel about it, but Flambae does actually look good doing what he's doing. Especially from Robert's angle sitting over him. Fuck. ]

Are you doubting my stamina?

[ He answers a question with a question, as one does, suppressing a shudder as the way Flambae arches into him hits just right. He doesn't even care that that was definitely a deliberate glance at his balls.

Feeling frisky and renewed by their banter, he leans forward, taking Flambae's face in his hands. ]

Why don't you test it?

[ Seriously. Robert knows he's not a lot of things: Enormous, Super-powered, Rich... But he's got stamina in spades. Resilience if nothing else. Besides it's been long enough since he's gotten any tail it probably won't take him much to get all riled up again. Well, he's already on his way there, but you know. Actually enough to come again ...

Wait, why is he challenging Flambae about this? Where did this come from ...

He can't take it back now though. ]

[incinerhater]

Then what do y-

[He opens his eyes when his face is touched, doing everything to stop himself from the heavy, frequent onslaught of breaths he feels coming on. That was sexual, it was a challenge, something that should and does excite him, but what's even more fascinating is the prospect of something more.

Something domestic or longstanding.

Internally, Flambae curses himself. Why does he care? Why is he getting so soft in his middling age, yearning for companionship and stability in a way he's never quite cared for before?]

Because I am not willing to be sloshing a soft dick around in my mouth for twenty minutes-

[Let him complain. He'll be testing Robert in a minute.]

Only to find out that the guy I'm sucking off is on eleventy-hundred antidepressants.

Do you know how embarrassing that was for me? It was the only time I've ever even come close to giving up on being gay.

[And then, with an air of suspicion-]

Which of the shitty sad-boy pills are you taking?

[not the sureness with which he asks smh]

[bobbob]

[ That makes Robert sit back a little bit, although he is still somehow hesitant to stop touching Flambae (aside from the obvious parts of him that are continuously touching him right now). ]

What?

[ Seriously what? This man just goes on and on about anything and everything, it does not matter what the context is or what he's in the middle of.

Unfortunately that is one of the somehow charming things about him even if his 1-intelligence is really shining right now. ]

None.

[ Remember how he has seasonal depression? That's all it is. He just needs a little sunshine to make it all better. And maybe some more twinkies, and a pat on the head, and the love of his father...................

No- ]

Also. You're the one who can't stop talking about having my dick in his mouth, soo...

[incinerhater]

[He's just going to be giving him the nastiest look because... How did he know?! You use three-in-one face soaps and don't even have a mattress... Men are despicable, honestly, and their collective lack of hygiene and appropriate self care is the real supervillain here.]

So. Let me get this... Straight, or whatever, I hate that fuckingstupidyass-word-

[He may be lazily jostling Robert up and down, also because the bouncing imagery is both sexy and funny to him.]

You sleep in a thing that holds you in its arms at night-

[WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT...]

And you haven't thought to maybe check in with your doctor and go, hey! Maybe I need some fucking help!

[Cue an exasperated sigh the real yaoi will continue in the next tag-]

You know, even a blow-up doll would be less pathetic. At least that shit has a face, even if it is painted on... And badly.

Those things are so fucking spooky, dude, I swear.

[StIO P SLKDJFAKJF]

Especially if you are ever encountering one in the dark!

[HELLO]

Unexpectedly.

[pls...]

I've had a lot of weird boyfriends.

You know your relationship is in a bad place if you're like, "Is she prettier than me?" and the "she" in question has an inflatable head.

[bobbob]

[ Why did he put it like that?? ]

... No.

[ Robert watches Flambae with a noticeable amount of confusion as the man launches into some tirade against inflatable sex dolls (Robert's not that desperate, thank you very much). Several options run through his mind, how to de-escalate this train of conversation or to set Flambae's mind at ease, or anything in between.

But mostly, when he starts being jostled around on Flambae's body, he gets distracted by that. What is he riding a bucking bronco at the bar now? ]

Hey, hey!

[ He plants his hands down on one massive male tiddy each, hunching over the flaming fool like that's going to keep certain parts of his from jiggling around. ]

You don't have any competition with a blow-up doll. Promise.

[ Flambae should helpfully consider that instead of wasting his time on those, or being lonely, or whatever, Robert was too busy chasing him into fiery buildings and also ridding him of his fingers and such. ]

THE LOVE OF HIS FATHER

[incinerhater]

[He doesn't want to have any competition period, but considering that their office is full of horny degenerates (himself included) who are about one missed paycheck away from executing a manslaughter-adjacent maneuver, he's lucky to have this chance.

Then again, hasn't a considerable portion of the office seen him naked? Does this limb-y, beat-up has-been have voyeuristic fetishes and if so how can Flambae use that shit to his advantage...]

I am not surprised Robert...

[The touches to his chest earns Robert another eyelash flutter. Yes, caress his pecs and tell him he's pretty...]

Just very fucking disappointed.

[It's difficult to maintain any sense of snide sarcasm when the object of his somewhat murderous affections is leaning in so close. This is not the moment to tell Robert that post prison release and not too late after joining SDN he had been prescribed a low dose of Lexapro, which had helped him cope pretty considerably until he weaned off it. Err, it was less so weaning and moreso cutting it cold Turkey- That crashout was severe! Some of Sonar's ear fluff had been burnt off in the process.

He'll move his hands over the dips in Robert's hips again, "tsk-tsk"-ing whenever he feels a scar, squeezing both cheeks (ass) intermittently. He's judging himself for wanting to plow into that nearly nonexistant buttocks like he's a farmer on the first day of harvest...]

Do you want to put your legs over my shoulders, or something?

I'd play with your ass a little, but...

[DON'T SAY IT-]

I do not trust you to have properly washed up for that.

[Especially after seeing those Grindr photos. There is no way this man has had sex with men consistently. Maybe drunk? They also just had dinner, that was his fault.]

[bobbob]

[ Robert gives Flambae a look like he can't figure out what the guy is surprised about. Did he want to have competition with a blow-up sex doll? That's fucking weird. Then again, everything about Flambae is fucking weird.

And to be fair, Robert showers a lot at headquarters, so there are plenty of opportunities to see him naked. There is also a lot of sexual harassment going on at all times and it's amazingly refreshing that Flambae doesn't really take part of that. It's more fun to flirt about asking him to dinner (oh how the turns have tabled...) than having to guard his dick and balls from Malevola's literal claws or Invisigal coming on to him in the men's restroom.

He thought about caressing more of those pecs — probably not telling Flambae he's pretty though — after seeing that reaction to it, but the fucking guy goes and opens his mouth again. Even if having his cheeks (ass) squeezed feels really good when it's coming from someone you're actively horny for!! The wash comment is just — ]

What? What the fuck—

[ He may be an entire mess of a Mecha Man but Robert does at least have hygiene going for him! He brushes his teeth, takes frequent showers, freaks out about Royd not washing his hands after using the urinal — Sure he doesn't shave that well but the important stuff happens ...!

So Flambae gets a less sexy shove this time. ]

I washed up before I came here, thanks. [ like maybe he didn't know if he'd be getting assplay or anything but still. washing happened! he wanted to smell and look and probably taste good, so — ]

Jesus, you are so. Incredibly. [ His eyes narrow with every word, and unfortunately he may feel a little more turned on with every word too. ] Unsexy. Annoying. In every fucking way. You know that?

[ Yet even when Flambae says the stupidest or most offensive shit, he's more upset that his ass might not be good enough??? Than anything else. Really fucked. ]

[incinerhater]

[The sexual harassment is really tasteless even for him, although Flambae has yet to witness the worst of it. Besides, has anyone ever managed to win over a man by playing grab-ass without his consent?! Then again, he's never had the privilege of being able to act in such a way with a male coworker.

Flambae still remembers what it was like to know who he wanted and avert his eyes. It's been nice, in recent years, to really and fully look, just like he's looking now. Like usual, Robert is hurling insults in his direction, but for once he isn't bothered.

It's nice to see Robert so unsettled, so clearly aroused and unsure. He hasn't jumped off or ran to put his pants on, or anything, so that's a good sign.]

Mhm.

[Just... You understand how annoying that two-toned hum must sound. This is him ruminating.]

You say all of this, and yet...

[Maybe Robert has suffered enough- For now.

He'll let one hand travel back to the other man's irritatingly and perfectly boyfriend-shaped penis, beginning to stroke it up and down gently. Is this what Robert wants?]

You took to me so easily when we finally got down and dirty, no?

[There Flambae goes, practically cooing again.

It's not as though he won't remember how much Robert had kissed him during their first real romp. They'll be at work yammering over the intercomms again, and Flambae will touch his lips wherever he is, recalling just the way Robert had felt on his skin, how he had tasted, what he really sounded like-]

Kissing you felt like saying hello.

[Maybe he should let him win, just a little.

Robert always does, doesn't he?]

When you drew blood from my mouth, the first time...

[This revelation is honest, evident in the way Flambae averts his eyes.]

It was all so... Exhilarating.

I had never felt like that before.

[He's practically whispering, which is a miracle for him-]

I was so excited.

[bobbob]

[ And you know it's bad when Flambae finds something tasteless. Unfortunately Robert loves the entire Z-Team like some kind of weird fucked up family, so he forgives them for their sexual trespasses at the end of the day. This with Flambae though, it's an entirely different game.

He may have thought of rolling off and putting his pants back on a couple of times. But what would that have gotten him in the end, really? Embarrassment, disappointment. More confusion over feelings than they've both already apparently got. So yeah, he's still here, naked, sitting casually on Flambae's lap as he insults him out of sheer frustration. He honestly doesn't know how he wants this to go or how he thought it would go. All things considered though, it's probably a lot better than he would have settled on eventually.

That two-toned hum does make him feel a little bit of rage, yeah. But it's partly because he expects Flambae to insult his hygiene again or something. He doesn't expect the sheer sexual tension dripping off the man as he says absolute romance-novel lines like Kissing you felt like saying hello.

He's right though. It did feel like that. It also felt like Robert was a bottle of soda shaken to shit and someone finally uncapped it and let it explode. It was relief.

Though it's typically a lot louder when he does it, he gives one of those frustrated groans that border on a growl. It's from being stroked off again and it's from being so uncertain of what to do about any of this. Sometimes he feels like he's winning and sometimes he feels like Flambae is miles ahead of him and rubbing it in. ]

All I wanted ... was to talk.

[ He says this with eyes half-lidded, weighing his gaze down so it lingers on Flambae's lips again. Did it really feel like all that to him, back then? And then Mecha Man goes and slices off his fingers. He even goes so far as to more or less forget about Flambae for a while until their paths fatefully crossed again. ]

Flambae, I—

[ What does he even say? What kind of moment are they having here, is it horny or soft or angry or ...

With a somewhat shaky breath leaving his lungs, Robert just scoops Flambae's stupid face up into his hands and kisses him again. Yes, it's like saying hello. Hello, hello. All traces and weight of that breath are gone though as soon as he breaks apart. ]

Will you just stop messing around for a few minutes then?

[ It is maybe not possible for the two of them not to resort to wrestling or arguing things out. And Robert could also stand to stop fucking around. But you know. He doesn't know what he wants. Other than ... Chad. ]

I'm not fucking dirty. [ yeah he's kind of indignant about this ok. he also doesn't think Flambae is unsexy. But he'll get to that. ] Take me seriously like you did back then, giving me your all.

[incinerhater]

[Robert won’t take this well, but he’s adorable when he’s batting his lashes and looking at Flambae’s lips like an animal in heat. Little bitch, indeed.

He couldn’t possibly deny Robert those hasty greetings, and kisses back with tongue and fervor. In a way, he’s screwed them both over. Now when he enters a room or sees Robert for the first time in a while, Flambae will be tempted to go for a kiss on the lips immediately. Would that not be an incredibly sexy, super cool greeting? And then after the kissing, he could lean in and whisper, “Hello,” into Robert’s ear, god… How fucking genius. He can be smart, too! All those lunch breaks and recesses spent hiding from the other children in the library have got to have paid off somehow. (They haven’t, despite Flambae’s bizarre enthusiasm for such places.)

He sits up, willing to indulge the other man since he’s asked so cutely, beginning to kiss down Robert’s neck again after planting one teasing, affectionate peck to a scruffy cheek.]

Robert, you are dirty.

It’s how you fight.

[But Flambae happens to like dirty men. Muddy shoes, dirty finger nails, it’s so fucking disgusting but they’re the ones who are willing to toss you around and try insane shit in the sack. It’s just like that SZA lyric, ugh! That girl is just too relatable.]

Skin tastes better when it’s all fucking sweaty.

Then you can lick it off-

[Just to be irritating, he’ll run his tongue over a patch of sweat on Robert’s collarbone, going all the way until he gets to the next fresh bruise.]

And do, eh, a little show! You see?

[He up, curious to see Robert’s reaction.

Flambae’s hand also isn’t stopping anytime soon. He’ll get there in due time, unless Robert finished first, and the bastard is right, he may not have much but he’s got fucking stamina.]

I can tell you cleaned up for me.

Didn’t think you were a sex on the first date kind of guy, but… I should have known better.

[That’s Flambae’s way of giving Robert a green light. If he wants to fuck, they’ll fuck. Flambae will go until he’s all tuckered out.]

If you aren’t gonna do anything to keep those blue and purple little shits off your body-

[He means the bruises.]

Why don’t you let me make them worse?

[ooh look at this

He’s asking for consent.]